Madam Speaker. Vice President Giuliani. Members of Congress. Distinguished guests and fellow citizens.
As we come together to face our future and remember our past year, I am here to report that the state of our Union is strong. But what really matters is the celebration of the life of Jesus Christ.
With the specter over this nation of a $9.8 trillion debt, we will meet the challenge of bringing that crushing debt down. Tomorrow, I will be sending both houses of Congress a fiery sword in the form of a tax bill to resolve that very problem. Because resolve it we must, or else doom generations to come of its devastating effect. But what really matters is the celebration of the life of Jesus Christ.
We enter into the year with so much to look forward to, indeed we look forward most of all to the safe return to America of our young men fighting in Iraq. May they soon see their mother and fathers. And see their greatest Father of all, Jesus Christ our savior.
To see them safe so that they may return, we offer unto America this bill. Please turn to your revised Constitution, Ephesians 6:10-11, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." And so I have sent unto Congress lo this day a request for 150 million shekels for to buy body armor at last, at long last for those very soldiers on their Holy War against the minions of those who wouldst destroy us.
And we shall face that challenge and win, as we shall face all our challenges. As we shall face the challenge of education in America with the strength of heart that is America. I call upon Congress to look into their own hearts and pass my "Teach the Children Well" program. With this law, education is not just a dream, but a national pledge. With this law, our nation's youth will be required to learn, to study, to go to school - on Sunday. For that is the one day, the only day when learning truly matters. Hallelujah!
Sing Hallelujah for America as a people. And as America is one people, so shall our language be of one people. Which is why today I am proposing that America have just one language. And that the national language of America be Latin.
Rise and sing silently with the Supreme Court, "Jesu, Dulcedo Cordium"
I look around me and see acrost the land, not just of our land, but lands of afar, the temperatures rising, the polar caps melting, the sun raging as the fires of hell rage, and global warming bringing a blight onto the world like none we've seen since the Plagues of Egypt. It is a Plague on the world that can bring the mountains down and bring Mankind to dust. It may seem like a hopeless fate, but I say unto you it is not. It is not. Because what really matters is the celebration of the life of Jesus Christ.
I look around me and see crime in the streets. I look above me and see pollution in the air. I look below me and see drugs flowing through the underground. But what really matters is the celebration of the life of Jesus Christ.
I look into the eyes of the dying and infirm and see their pain of AIDS and diabetes, of multiple sclerosis, cancer and Parkinson's disease, of Alzheimer's, cystic fibrosis and liver disease, and the hope they beg of for embryonic stem cell research. But what really matters is the celebration of the life of Jesus Christ.
Yet we will get through all these problems. We will see a bright future. We will reach the Promised Land. I know this in my heart. And if "we" doesn't include Mormons, we will still be strong. If "we" doesn't include Jews, we will still be strong. If "we" doesn't include Moslems, Buddhists, Hindus, Lutherans and other atheists, we will be strong. If "we" includes not homosexuals in their isolated internment camps, we will be especially strong. Because strength doth not come constrained by the burden of others, but by the absolutism of a certainty so bright it lovingly blinds us. We shall throw off the chains of the world and live, not as one, but one by one.
God bless America.
Really.
Really.
God bless God bless God bless God bless God bless
God bless everyone.
Except John Adams. When he officially wrote in a government document, the Treaty of Tripoli, "The United States is not a Christian nation" and "...the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion..." -- I know better. I was a minister. He only helped found the United States. And when you sometimes get too close to a thing, you can't see what it is. Like the truth. I'm not at all close to the truth, so I can see it clearly.
Thank you. Good night. And leave something in the plate as you leave.