03/03/2011 09:54 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Revealed: Who Actually Caused America's Financial Collapse

The Republican Party has let us know who they believe is at blame for America's collapsed economy -- a crash which has devastated the nation and caused massive unemployment.


Not the financial industry that dealt in high-risk, mortgage-backed derivatives which collapsed the housing market.


Not Wall Street executives manipulating toxic assets, not big bankers manipulating bad loans, not corporate CEOs manipulating markets.

No, no. Teachers. The real high-finance scourges of the American economy. Those rich, jet-setting, highfaluting teachers. They're paid truckloads of money, have such cushy jobs, rake in ungodly benefits and have bankrupted America.


Just watch Fox News. They know. See Republican critic after Republican critic blast these money-grubbing, greedy, lazy, freeloading moneybags who are offensively overpaid, get off work at a leisurely 2:30 in the afternoon, have three months of vacation, and can live off their fat pensions in high-life luxury retirement, jetting to Paris and Biarritz and drinking champagne cocktails while sucking the life out of the Real America.

Teachers. Why do you think they turned down the low-paying corporate jobs, or avoided going to paltry law school, or medical school? Because they wanted to make the big bucks.

And as these teachers lay waste to the American economy, thank God above that Republicans have been there to make sure we've been able to provide at least some comfort to the needy Wall Street executives, big bankers and corporate CEOs with desperately-required tax cuts and corporate loans, allowing them to squeak by on their meager existences of pennies a day.

All because states have been economically ruined by teachers. Greedy, fat cat teachers. And avaricious janitors and sanitation workers. And nurses. Nurses! Bad, bad people those nurses, who only care about themselves. All these people, these are the ones Republicans tell us have destroyed the American economy. Just cruising along on big overblown paychecks and cushy jobs. Whose high compensation packages have caused the great recession, bankrupting states across the nation bringing about massive unemployment. Teachers, janitors, sanitation workers and nurses -- and also road repair crews, bus drivers, park rangers, and snowplow operators.

You know, the upper-class elite of American society.

These are the people who have made the American economy collapse, who have bankrupted America with budget deficits. Once upon a time, of course, we thought these were the very people who made America. Who were the backbone of the nation. But leaders of the Republican Party and its brave governors, they have shown us the light.

Thank goodness that we have men of courage like Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI), Gov. John Kasich (R-OH) and Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) who understand that it is these people who must sacrifice, who must cut back their retirement pensions, who must alone bear the burden of the economic disaster that they brought about. Make them sacrifice for the woes they have caused society. These teachers, nurses, janitors, bus drivers, road repair crews, sanitation workers, park rangers, and snowplow operators. "Public workers." Ha! They're who caused the economic recession, which has caused the budget deficits. They caused it. They should pay for it. They should sacrifice for it.

And if we're being honest, if you just got rid of them all, think how the budget deficit would disappear and how much better society would be then! After all, Gov. Walker, his fellow Republican governors and the loudest voices of the Republican Party clearly think teachers and public workers are overpaid, underworked and don't provide enough service to society, so who even needs them?

Thank goodness too that Gov. Walker had the foresight to give a corporate tax cut of $140 million before there was a new budget, because otherwise these stricken corporations would truly be suffering. Or at least the one-third of corporations in Wisconsin that actually pay taxes. Far better that your child's teacher take a pay cut and that nurse and swanky janitor, too, before some corporation. After all, the corporations need the money.

If teachers, nurses, janitors, bus drivers, road repair crews, sanitation workers, park rangers, and snowplow operators decide they're not paid enough for their glamorous jobs and want to quit -- let them. They're apparently not worth what we pay them anyway.

We should all just say "thank goodness" that Republican governors across the nation are placing the blame for the economic collapse and for their states' budget deficits right where it belongs -- on the backs of greedy, overpaid, unnecessary teachers. Nurses. Janitors. Bus drivers. Road repair crews, sanitation workers, park rangers, and snowplow operators. You know...

Everyday workers.

If it wasn't for such forthright Republicans, we might otherwise be seeing blame for the economic collapse placed on Wall Street executives and big banks, and that would be so unfair. As unfair as pointing at tax cuts for corporations and millionaires for adding to the deficits. As unfair as forcing all of them to sacrifice for being the ones who caused the great recession.

No, no. Republicans have it right. Protect the big financial institutions. And place the blame for the great recession, economic collapse and budget deficits squarely where it belongs. On greedy, overpaid, unnecessary teachers, nurses, janitors, bus drivers, road repair crews, sanitation workers, park rangers, and snowplow operators. Make them pay for it.

But mostly teachers. It's their fault, really.

Who needs 'em?