With the March 31 deadline to enroll in health insurance through the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (or, to the rest of us, Obamacare) upon us, many of you may have missed some of the fun, fear, fact, and fiction surrounding this controversial program. With Cronkite, Murrow, and Brinkley no longer around, we turned to contemporary sages of late night comedy to help us stroll down memory lane.
"Loser, the Obamacare website, which had technical issues all week because of too much web traffic. You can't campaign on the fact that millions don't have health care and then be surprised that millions don't have health care. How could you not be ready? That's like 1-800-Flowers getting caught off guard by Valentine's Day." -- Cecily Strong, SNL's Weekend Update
"Many scam artists are trying to take advantage of the problems with the Obamacare website. Experts say you can tell it's a scam site if you enter your information and it quickly and efficiently signs you up for healthcare." -- Conan O'Brien
"Today, there were more problems with the Obamacare website. It seems when you type in your age, it's confusing because it's not clear if they want the age you are right now, or the age you'll be when you finally log in." -- Jay Leno
"Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!" -- David Letterman
"The White House announced that it is bringing in the best and brightest tech experts to fix the glitches on the Obamacare website, which is a great plan. You know what would have been a better plan? Hiring the best and brightest tech experts to make the Obamacare website in the first place." -- Jimmy Fallon
"You can also enroll over the phone. The call goes like this: 'Hello and welcome to Healthcare.gov, the place where you can learn about signing up for affordable healthcare. Right now, there are 8 million people ahead of you in line. Your estimated wait time is forever.' It would be ironic to die while waiting on hold for health insurance, right?" -- Jimmy Kimmel
Obamacare in General
"President Obama said he is sorry that some Americans have lost their existing health coverage due to Obamacare. I think he's getting a little desperate. Today, he said if you like your complete lack of coverage, you can keep your complete lack of coverage." -- Jay Leno
"The Obama administration asks Hollywood to work positive mentions of Obamacare into its TV shows and movies. So AMC's new zombie drama is titled: "The Walking Dead but not Due to Pre-existing Conditions." -- Conan O'Brien
"President Obama's approval rating is down to 39 percent. And Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, who admitted to smoking crack cocaine, went up to 49 percent. How does this make Obama feel? He'd be better off smoking crack than passing Obamacare." -- Jay Leno
"Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance." -- Stephen Colbert
"The Republicans in Congress voted to repeal Obamacare for a fortieth time today. It's really now less a governing philosophy; it's more like Charlie Manson applying for parole." -- Bill Maher
"President Obama delivered his inaugural address, which set a more liberal tone for his second term, especially the part where he showered the crowd with birth control pills." -- Seth Meyers, SNL's Weekend Update
"The deadline to sign up is March 31. In my experience, if you want to get young people to do something, all you have to do is tell them specifically not to do something. Right? Or give ten free lives in Candy Crush to the first two million subscribers." -- Jimmy Kimmel
Finally, Jay Leno, on his last night on the Tonight Show, told his viewers what the worst thing about losing that job is. "I'm no longer covered by NBC. I have to sign up for Obamacare."