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Pray For Pastor Rick

05/25/2011 01:00 pm ET
  • Robert Lanham Robert Lanham’s writing has appeared in The New York Times, Salon, and The Washington Post. He is the author of The Hipster Handbook and The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right.

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Jason Reed, Reuters

In the spirit of unity that has swept our nation ever since the inauguration, I think we should all take a moment to pray for Pastor Rick. He has the sniffles. It seems a certain coldness in the air has made him ill. And as the dawn of a new era is upon us, Warren was tragically forced to cancel a profoundly historic webcast to his church on Wednesday:

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Of course, as a card-carrying member of the liberal elite, I have little experience at praying. But doggonit, I sure was moved by the pro-gay parts of Warren's invocation. In good faith, I trust that Pastor Rick won't mind me recycling the gay-friendly highlights of his invocation as I pray for him. He's the master—and I totally suck at praying—so out of respect for his gay-friendly poetry, I've placed my parts in italics. Here goes:

Let us pray.

Almighty God... everything we see and everything we can't see exists because of you alone. It all comes from you, it all belongs to you. It all exists for your glory.

You are loving to everyone you have made.

Help us, oh God, to remember that we are Americans, united not by race or religion or blood, but to our commitment to freedom and justice for all.

When we fail to treat our fellow human beings and all the Earth with the respect that they deserve, forgive us.

I'd also like to implore you, Yeshua, Isa, Jesus to bring about a quick healing for Pastor Rick's sniffles. It was icy on the mall yesterday and he's feeling congested—even though he was wearing that Chronicles of Narnia sweatshirt he got for Jesus' birthday beneath his suit. And wow, that second plate of jalapeno poppers at Chi Chi's totally made his tummy hurt! Heal this great heterosexual man, Oh Hosana. Oh, and can you fix that stuff in Gaza, Iraq, and maybe look into the violence in the Congo after you're done. You know, if you have time?

May all people of goodwill today join together to work for a more just, a more healthy and a more prosperous nation and a peaceful planet.

Amen.

By the way, Rick, I know you're on the mend, relaxing to Melissa Etheridge records. But as you drink hot cocoa in your palm-tree-and-parrot-print pajamas, you should check out Gene Robinson's invocation Few people heard it, and it could never be as kick-ass (or as pro-gay) as yours. Still, I'm praying that you'll be inspired.