03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Poop Culture

It's official: The "popularization of poop" is a solid movement. And marketers smell an opportunity.

None other than the NY Times recently reported on the increase of marketing activity being devoted to the "moist toilet paper category." (Adult Toilet Training, From Madison Ave., Oct. 19} Wet wiping is a burgeoning business, and it's not just for babies' behinds any more. This makes sense as demographic data demonstrates that the country is aging. That's why, from Cialis to Activia, so much TV advertising now is dedicated to products that harden your tool and soften your stool. So it should come as little surprise that advertisers would be the first to jump on this opportunity to bolster their bottom line. Product needs to move as often as bowels do.

Naturally, Proctor & Gamble is already behind this. Advertising Age reported that Toilet Blogging Will Pay More Than Huffpo Blogging, elaborating that "Charmin Seeks Ambassadors to Staff Times Square Bathrooms." I realize you can't spell ambassador without an a s s, but this is a sad step down. Being appointed an Ambassador used to be a position of enormous prestige for people like Joseph Kennedy and Jeane Kirkpatrick. Now the tour of duty follows in the esteemed footsteps of Mr. Whipple.

Look, we've all had memorable experiences on a toilet -- most of which we'd prefer to forget, much less make public. But now, the world's largest product goods company is actually offering $10,000 for people who "really, really enjoy going to the bathroom" to "entertain bathroom guests... and blog about the experience." Where's George Michael? Sounds right up his alley.

From clogging it to blogging it: have we reached bottom? From where I sit, I'm afraid not. It seems inevitable that the potty is going public and the continued descent into indignity will be fed by our insatiable consumption of crap TV and tabloid fodder. I'll bet we'll soon be seeing programs like "Celebrity Dump", "America's Next Toilet Talent", "So You Think You Can Poop" and MTV presents "Thrones."

Nor is the focus on feces confined to television and the blogosphere. Charmin offers a repulsive video demonstration, in spite of using toothpaste to prove its point. Facebook fan pages and Twitter poop groups already abound. Of course there is an app too -- -- and surely more on the way.

I, for one, am not going to take this sitting down. I'm calling for a media boycott on the subject. A total brownout. It's time to stand up to P&G before they drag us all into the toilet.

Song of the Day: Do The Brown Nose by The Dead Milkmen

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