Is Your Client a Certified Asshole? Take the ACHE to Find Out

I was recently reminded about the damage that nasty clients can do by a distraught manager at a professional services firm. He wrote: "These jerky people (whom I encounter ad nauseam at the highest levels in all Fortune 50 companies) sap the life out of our employees and make creating a sustainable, culturally viable environment difficult. They are also poisonous to innovation." This pain expressed in his note helped me realize that, just as a lot of people (now over 135,000) have found the ARSE test (Asshole Rating Self-Exam) useful (and entertaining), it might also be helpful to assess whether or not clients are certified assholes. So, with help from the people at Electric Pulp and some great feedback from Mark Fortier and Diego Rodriguez, I developed the 20 question Asshole Client from Hell Exam (ACHE).

Consider a few sample items:

* My stomach churns whenever I have to email, meet, or talk on the phone with this client

* When my client starts turning on the charm, then I really start worrying. It usually means that at an unreasonable request is coming.

* If I am ever crazy enough to work for this client again, I will charge A LOT more money to compensate for the stress and aggravation (i.e., I will charge "assholes taxes.")

Take the ACHE here. You can use it to help decide if it is worth the trouble to keep working with a client or, at least, if they ought to pay "asshole taxes." You can use it to screen future clients: send it to others who have worked with them to find out if they are a client from hell. And if you are a client, and feel like most lawyers, management consultant, designers, accountants, and IT consultants that you hire are complete idiots, that you find yourself being gruff with them, and that fewer and fewer of them seem willing to work with you -- and those that will keep raising their rates -- you might take the ACHE as a self-test to see if you are causing the problem.

We launched the ACHE last week on Guy Kawasaki's blog and over 3000 people have already completed it. Please let me know what you think of it. And I'd love to hear stories about different ways that you have used it - or about ways that it has been used on you.

Comments

[sprouts]

Gosh -- I thought your questions would actually be insightful! Talk about cliche...

[realitytrumpsbull]

I think they all need wholesale bookkeeping reform. If they're even in a position to think like that, decide who'll pay taxes and so forth, something reeks of dead fish.

BALANCE THE BUDGET!

[larry278]

I am much more of an ass hole than any of my clients. I've made enough money. I am going to retire. Who needs asshole clients? This asshole sure doesn't need unskilled, amateur, asshole clients. They might learn how to be a more annoying asshole from me. My clients can't be as dumb as they act.

[JaegerBaeger]

Since I've been self employed most of my working life I've used the 20-80 rule. 20% of the clients cause 80% of the headaches. I get rid of the 20% and life is better. Give or take a few percent it has been pretty accurate.

[yappnmutt]

don't publicize the test or the sentiment. congress will pass a law making it illegal to discriminate against aholes. given the number of aholes out there a pac will be formed to protect their interests. the rest of us are doomed to an equality for aholes movement.

[buddy7777]

There is also a point of view from the client side - You may have repeatedly overcharged us, sent trainees at our expense, create chaos among the employees to get more of your people in, hold secret meetings, try to get managers fired who had to continually deflect your ongoing scope creep, recommended products that benefit you but not us, sabotaged projects.....

Remember, the client is still the CUSTOMER and pays the bills. Your article is self serving.

Relationship managers from the client side should require the consultants to pass the Asshole Vendor from Hell Exam (AVFH).