Did you ever notice a stranger from across the room at a party or at a meeting at work who was drop-dead gorgeous, but who, once you got to know him or her better, suddenly wasn't as attractive anymore? It could have been an off-color comment or something about their personality that instantly changed your opinion about their looks.
What about the opposite? Did you ever meet someone who you thought was average-looking, but once you got to know that person, your opinion about his or her physical characteristics changed for the better? That person just got better-looking in your eyes because he or she was nice or charming.
The quirks or qualities of someone's personality can enhance or detract from their physical beauty. I have blogged here recently about the perception of beauty, and how that perception is different from individual to individual. I believe that each of us perceives each person they meet as beautiful or not because of a combination of physical and mental factors. It is my contention that certain negative characteristics of one's personality can actually make that person less attractive and less physically appealing. It is not as though they grow warts or actually change their physical characteristics, but their appearance is diminished by their bad behavior, and their beauty decreases in your mind.
Here is a simple concept to increase your level of beauty: make yourself less ugly! Our brains are hard-wired to like nice people and dislike nasty people, and subsequently that's what changes their degree of beauty.
Listed below are five flawed personality traits that I believe can seriously affect the physical beauty of individuals. I have also included the opposite, positive traits that can enhance one's beauty. Let's see if you agree with my choices, and I certainly welcome any additional recommendations.
1) Conceitedness vs. Confidence
Conceited individuals are annoying because they have an excessively high opinion of their abilities, appearance and material things. These people like to show off and brag about their possessions and skills. They tend to be very rude, self-centered, arrogant and extremely insecure.
Confident people are aware of their attributes and do not have the need or desire to tell the world about them. They are comfortable in their own skin and never feel threatened by other individuals' talents or accomplishments. Traits commonly found in confident people include eye contact during conversation; clear, audible speech patterns, without yelling; firm handshake; and tall, straight posture.
2) Grimness vs. Humorousness
I call this characteristic the "party-pooper trait," as grim people seem to be unhappy or angry about everything. They complain and find fault in every person, place or thing and are just no fun to be around. These people are usually gloomy because they have not mastered the ability to be happy with themselves. They are not clinically depressed, just miserable.
Humorous, witty people are entertaining and fun. Often, their humor is self-effacing and good-natured when joking with others. They don't try to be hurtful with their jokes. Humor can be used to defuse angry situations and is always helpful when making a first impression.
3) Selfishness vs. Honest Interest In Others
Selfishness denotes an excessive or exclusive concern with oneself and goes beyond normal self-interest or self-concern. These people demonstrate a disregard for others and openly express their need to devote all their energy to their own agenda. Selfish people have a great, inherent desire to control situations and people and are unwilling to reach compromises with others.
Individuals with honest interest in others are extremely likable. The interest must be genuine; otherwise the charade is obvious and offensive. They have the ability to coax people to talk about themselves or share interesting experiences. They are curious, ask questions and listen intently to the answers. They have the amazing ability to allow people around them to the feel important, a powerful attribute!
4) Cynicism vs. Optimism
These curmudgeons have a dim worldview. Their pessimistic nature often is linked to a failure to achieve personal goals. They are tiring because their cynical views can be depressing.
Optimists look at a difficult situation and realize that things can be much worse. Numerous studies have suggested that optimism is an effective tool in overcoming trauma, illness and depression. It is simply more desirable to spend time with positive individuals.
5) Narcissism vs. Healthy Vanity
Narcissists are like conceited individuals on steroids. They have an inflated sense of their own self-importance and the deep need for admiration. They monopolize conversations and have controlling personalities.
"Healthy vanity" is a positive trait in which a person has a realistically high self-esteem and is modestly confident. People with healthy vanity have a level-headed view of themselves, good and bad.
Each of these personality flaws can be changed or altered in a positive fashion. Doing so will make you a happier, more beautiful person... or should I say "less ugly"?
To learn more about my concepts regarding beauty, please go to the book's website, www.TheBeautyQuotient.com, or friend me on Facebook.
Follow Robert Tornambe, M.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/RobertMTornambe
No matter how physically beautiful you are, you will still age and there isn't much you can do about it. Plastic surgery may improve your outer appearance but the fire in your eyes is what makes a person youthful. Your inner happiness or turmoil is reflected through your eyes.
Physical appearance can catch someone's attention but personality, originality and achievement are what make you unique and give you staying power. The most fascinating people are rarely the most attractive but don't they intrigue us?
Beauty itself is limited so cultivate you inner self to be the best you can be, besides wouldn't you want to be loves and appreciated for who are on the inside?
It just depends on the mixture of traits possibly, but everyone has their own mixture of these. Some may be a dash cynical but mostly an optimist. And people change in social situations as well. Basically, my point is that people cannot be categorized or labelled, but simply have their own unique mixture of traits that makes them who they are.
lol
I'm not there yet. But I've seen some incredible transformations. There's an old Star Trek episode with a 'venus drug' that makes a woman beautiful. In it, one of the women is tricked into taking a placebo...
In any case, the world would be a more compassionate place if our political leaders were pessimists, or at least harsh realists. Most forms of optimism too easily accommodate moral complacency, which, by the way, is quite compatible with physical attractiveness.
Abraham Lincoln was a beautiful man once you got to know him.
I think he's also saying we are wired to link negative attitude towards appearance. And as far as optimistic - I tend to think we one or the other (unless we are dealing with a mental illness).
A true optimist is able to call up that optimism when things are at their worst. I think optimists are able to find a solution to a problem faster and better than pessimist. An example would be you are traveling with several people and they cancel your flight. The optimist will likely be the one that the people follow - as opposed to guy whining and complaining. The optimist will calmly take care of the situation
Each of you have clearly explained what I was trying to say about optimism. Thank you for your help, I hope you agree.
I had straight, pretty hair as a child until I was 12. Over my 13th summer, my hair went to frizzy, dull, thick and unmanageable. This was a time when there were few products out there to fix it. The change happened over the summer. I didn't feel badly about myself until the end of the next year after dealing with all the crap my changed appearance brought. I was the same person until it all wore me down. Perfect strangers felt compelled to comment on my hair. I had no idea that I looked that bad until everyone made an issue of it. I was just fine the year before.
I am 52 now what I look like does not wreck my day but God, others can really be obsessed about it. My hair is crap and my body worse. But, I am happy. If you call me ugly today, I will smile and tell you thank you.
The beautiful should be proud of their beauty. I have friends who are. and they have a right to enjoy their beauty. I just don't buy into the idea that I must be or want to be beautiful. However, don't pee on me and tell me it is raining. The ugly are not always bad people with lousy social skills. Ugly people and beautiful people are alike in that they have the same proportion of their groups that are nice and not so nice. Human group dynamics can be very cruel to nice people. Physical ugliness is real and there is only so much a personality can do to overcome it. However, it isn't all bad. Ugliness saved me from shallow men.
Forget the phony optimism and embrace your ugliness. Don't let articles like this convince you that your external is your internal. Be proud of your beauty, if you have it but have compassion for those who aren't physically blessed. It won't hurt you.
I realized that those people were either stupid, cruel or just insensitive and I learned to ignore them and deal with my loss of locks by realizing that I was healthy, and not dealing with some horrible disease or accident as many of my patients at my age. That is what I mean about being optimistic.
Don't let them wear you down!
1) GENES - BIOLOGY - HEREDITY - Some people look like Halle Berry and some look like Congressman Waxman
2) BAD makeup - hair - fashion - plastic surgery
3) LACK OF EDUCATION - poor grammar, swearing all the time - not "knowing" what one is talking about
4) HATE - religiousism - racisism - bullying - charater bashing -