THE BLOG
05/25/2013 09:39 am ET Updated Jul 25, 2013

Goodbye Darkness, My Old Friend

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Click here to read an original op-ed from the TED speaker who inspired this post and watch the TEDTalk below.

This is war... and the battle is depression. I've never been a fighter. I'm anti-war. But now that I have won my personal battle with depression, I am ready to fight for others.

I am ready to fight for change. My message was going to be about conviction, creativity and courage with a mission to help people unleash their creativity, to empower people to make a better world. But then I read those words in an advertisement for a Mazda 3-D printer.

People don't like talking about the big D unless of course it is a woman's cup size. The more I talk about it, the easier it becomes, and the clearer it is to me about the importance of doing so. I love tossing the word around... Personally, I found it to be liberating, like a feminist burning her bra.

Depression needs a makeover. What if we changed the perception of depression? We could spin it. Happiness would no longer be in. Maybe I could find a fellow depressed PR person and ask them to dream up a new marketing campaign. The rebranding of depression. First I would get a list of celebrity names, known for their struggles with depression. How about Tony Soprano? Dr. Melfi would be the expert therapist who described depression in an episode of The Sopranos as a manifestation of rage turned inward. We could make a licensing agreement for t-shirts from the band, Rage Against the Machine, as our call for change.

Last year, I wrote about my reinvention at 60. My nice little story was picked up by many websites and I received countless emails from women who related to my message. We are not dead yet, I would reassure them. But there was a larger truth that I wasn't ready to divulge at that time. It wasn't until a few months ago that I was able to write about my depression. Taking control of something that took control of me my whole life felt like the best revenge. So, I whipped out my laptop and wrote about it. The response was so underwhelming it was depressing. My title "From Depression to Reinvention" was a neat little follow-up to my prior reinvention blog, "This is What 60 Looks Like." I know, not a very original title, but WTF.

I was diagnosed with depression in my late 30's. It explained a lot. After that, I had a twenty-year on-again off-again love affair with anti-depressants. They loved me, they loved me not. It was during the times that they loved me not, that were the hardest. When anti-depressants first lit up my life, it was a love affair that knew no boundaries. I knew happiness for the first time. When I was on anti-depressants the world was my oyster. I was living not just existing for the first time in my life. The problem was that it was on the anti-depressants terms not mine. I would spend my time chasing the dragon. Looking for that initial high.

She encouraged me to try different things. It wasn't easy. When you are depressed that is the hardest thing to do. It's like walking in quicksand. -- Robin Bobbé

Depression is a lot like science fiction. In fact, the original 1956 science fiction movie, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, was a favorite of mine as a little girl. People's bodies were invaded by extraterrestrials that then looked the same but were void of any emotion or individuality. Sounds like a metaphor to me. It wasn't until I went to the right therapist that my life started to change. I told her I didn't want to go back on drugs. I had, had enough. She didn't want to hear about the family dog or blah, blah, blah from my past. She was concerned about the here and now. She encouraged me to try different things. It wasn't easy. When you are depressed that is the hardest thing to do. It's like walking in quicksand. Slowly, I did start trying new things. I found talents that I never knew existed.

I saw her for about a year and a half. When I got to the point where I felt the changes were happening, I told her that I was ready to move on, she said, yes, I agree.

I believe in therapy, I believe in drugs and I believe in my husband whose love and support through the treacherous years were part of my salvation. What I have learned in my long, arduous and ongoing journey of living without depression is my work is never done. Self discovery, finding the right therapist, the right drugs and the right support and belief in yourself, is key. Please join me in my rage against the machine of depression. Together we can demystify and destigmatize depression.

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