How Do You Know the Difference Between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now?

08/18/2010 01:19 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

How do you know the difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now? I know with women the first time you meet a guy you usually think about the future, and most times men think about the immediate present. Why do we have to be so concerned with finding something long-term and real when it is important to just live in the moment?

Men definitely have an easier time doing that, and I believe I have been able to master this talent on some level, but it is just a fact that women get more emotionally involved. The question to ask yourself is: Am I looking for distraction and entertainment or intimacy? Then I will know if I am truly ready or just continuing to live in my usual insular fantasy world. All this leads me to my current situation.

There is someone. Someone in my life; well sort of, anyway. A guy. Someone I've known for several years, but did not really get to know until several months ago. He lives in LA. I live in New York. We both travel often and rarely see each other. We have not been intimate ... yet. We email, text and talk on the phone quite often.The obvious 21st century relationship. I probably think of him more often then I should. He is under my skin, like an itch that is just beyond the reach of physical satisfaction. I know he is interested in me, but I am not sure of his intentions. Don't get me wrong. I specifically asked him what he wants, if he is interested, and he says he is. However, actions speak louder then words.

He is kind of abstract, witty, a bit bizarre, wildly intelligent and, most likely, the perfect mistake or the perfect distraction. I mean, I am a woman, in my early 30's, who knows the difference between right and wrong; sometimes, however I just can't help but indulge in something decadent, something like a big piece of chocolate cake, something that tastes so good but is so bad for you at the same time, if you know what I mean.

This guy from LA -- let's call him Mr. "C", the "C" standing for "Complicated" -- is unlike any guy that I have been interested in. I've been told several times not to get involved, but the second someone says that to you it all becomes a bit more enticing. How it all happened is kind of hard to explain: one moment we were friends and the next everything changed with one text, which has escalated to almost seven months of something I am unable to describe or even name.

He travels the world, sort of like James Bond without the danger component. He is an attorney, he is passionate about global warming and water scarcity. He reads voraciously, he has built several homes, climbed the Alps, run with the bulls in Spain and is not half-bad on a skateboard either, which he feels is a prime attribute for me, as he is convinced that I have a habit of dating guys of that nature. He is really inspiring, a great listener and from the time we have spent together there is a definite connection.

But, here is my dilemma: I want to throw caution to the wind and tell him what I want, but the real issue is: I am not sure what I want. Do I just want to have fun, no strings attached, jump into the deep end and not care about the outcome, or do I want to focus on the future, a future with someone special, a long-term future, a future that not only expands my horizons, but my soul and consciousness too?

I should stop being so hard on myself. But why can't I have both? I know there are freakish wonders who can eat their cake and not gain any weight. Why can't I have the good man and the bad boy? Maybe I should stop thinking in absolutes, in blacks and whites. There are, after all, shades of gray: I know there are, duh, I am in a business where gray is the new black one week and the new white the next week.

I guess I'm one of those people who believe that sometimes we have to go through a rainstorm in order to stand under a rainbow, but how long do I wait? Why does he say he is interested, but simply not following through? Is anything happening here? Or are we not going anywhere? Can he possibly be Mr. Right, or will he end up being just another Mr. Right Now?

I have two choices (I'm sticking with two because if I give myself more, we'll be here for a while): give it a chance and try not to think too much because we all know over-analyzing is the key to misery, or just end it now. All of this seems a bit too complicated. There's a strong voice inside telling me to proceed with Mr "C," but at some point (hopefully soon), whatever happens, I'm going to have to chalk it up to destiny, smile and dare to dream.