There's an old Irish saying "Need teaches a plan."
I remember, as if it was only yesterday, holding my baby daughter, Reilly, at the hospital. This brand new, beautiful little angel resting in my arms was suddenly and wonderfully my whole world. The nurses and doctors were so sweet and helpful. It was all like a wonderful dream.
That was until I was rolled out of the hospital and I realized that the nurses and doctors wouldn't be following me home. I was on my own.
"Oh my gosh, how do I raise one of these things!?" was the first thought that went through my head. I'd never done this before. I literally had no idea how to put on a diaper. I was so clueless, I put it on backward! If you ever come over to my house, I'll show you the videotape of me making a total fool of myself. Of course, looking back now, what's clear was that I was totally unqualified to be a parent. Despite the books I'd read and the classes I'd taken, I really only knew one thing -- that I knew nothing.
Like most new Moms, I got no sleep in the first several months. I was too busy triple-checking car seats, running back and forth to the pediatrician every time Reilly made an unfamiliar gurgle, and cutting up peas so small that there would be no chance of an accidental choking. But the need to protect this precious life taught me a plan. Slowly, I figured it out.
Let's face it -- being a parent isn't easy. In my own life, there have been moments where I've tried to be perfect but fallen a wee bit short. But if parenthood has taught me nothing else, it has taught me that there is no such thing as "perfect" -- but that you always have to make "perfect" your goal. Like professional athletes, as parents we must strive for nothing less than perfect for ourselves, because we owe it to our children to be the very best we can be. But -- and this is an important but -- not being perfect doesn't mean we fail. Baseball players aren't criticized for not hitting the ball every time -- but that doesn't mean they don't try.
One thing I can tell you is that having a little help along the way sure makes being a good parent easier. You need the support of friends, the extra hands of family, and even a dash of help from unconventional sources. That's one of the reasons I created "Little Angels", a new series just for our wee ones. In the series, two children, Alex and Zoe, become friends with eight adorable angels, who offer guidance, support and fun. Your kids will love their new cherub chums -- and you will love having the peace-of-mind knowing your children are watching something safe and entertaining while you cook dinner, answer the door, open the mail -- or any one of the thousand other little tasks Moms must attend to every day. If you want, you can check out a trailer here.
Now that I have a teenager, I can tell you from experience that being a mother will always be a challenge. Whether your Little Angel is 8 weeks, 8 months, or 18 years, I can promise you that there will be many times that you will question your decisions. But if the desire is always to be the best mom you can be, then that need will teach you a plan.
Over half of the people don't get married. Of the 45% that do, well over half get divorced or separated. That leaves about 25%...half of which don't get along with each other. That leaves about 12% who get along. What does this tell me?
Today's society is in the ditch leading to a sewer! I find society eager to have things and disregarding the need of things. We demand life to be gamble? We want money!!! We want nice cars! We want big houses! Entertain us the way we want...money and sex!
Sex in relationships is used to see if you are good enough.. We all have the plumbing! To reduce sex to manipulation of the plumbing is to identify yourself as a "vibrator-for-u". How about first demonstrating that you are wholesome. responsible, caring, worthy, understanding...etc. before you have sex. True men do not buy women...they are not for sale. True women do not advertise them selves as sex-oriented attention getters for sale...what ever the price.
Are parents (male or female) having bad time right now? Oh Yes...just look at the kids. Each child has a package of talent and interest and love to share. Open that package carefully otherwise you are heading for the ditch.
What can I say? ...we require a reformation of thinking and doing.
Why have that as a goal?
Better to have 'excellence' as the goal; that IS achievable.
With perfection as a goal, you'll always strive to do what is best for your child no matter what it takes.
What she's saying is that if you fall short of that from time to time it's all right. Just keep trying.
I would like to suggest another goal: Compassion. Compassion with your kids, compassion with each other, compassion with yourself.
Your kid bonked his playmate with a ball? Compassion for the victim's aching head. Compassion for the victim's worried mom. Compassion for your little one, who is still learning about sharing and turns. And compassion for you, who has been placed in the center of the sandbox storm.
Husband came home and made a comment about your new time-out place? Compassion for husband, who is tired and out-of-it and probably jealous of all the Mommy stuff. Compassion for little one, who is learning about time-outs and upset feelings. And compassion for you, who is learning about tiredness and patience and upset feelings like everyone else.
Lose your temper and throw your wooden spoon across the kitchen? Compassion for you, who is tired and frustrated and not sure what to do. Compassion for any little ones there, whose eyebrows are headed towards the ceiling. Compassion for partner, if present, because his/her partner is in pain.
If you live "perfection", you teach "perfection". If you live "compassion", you teach "compassion". Besides, compassion feels better than perfection. Home is not about perfection. Love is not about achievement. Home is about love, and love is compassion.
One minute you are asking if she was a single parent and the next you are automatically condemning her for not giving the father credit for helping raise the child. If there was no father in the picture, or he wasn't helping, then she isn't going to mention one!
Stop "speculating" or "assuming" things. If you are going to assume anything, it would be more LOGICAL to assume that the father was not in the picture.
And of course along with your assumptions, you are probably thinking that it must her her fault, right???