Around this time every year, I get to take a break. I've usually been teaching and presenting at schools since September, and it's fair to say I'm a little fried by the end. This year was no exception. I worked with thousands of kids, teens, parents, teachers, administrators in schools all over the country and the stories this year have sometimes made me seriously doubt people's sanity. From the school administrator who was unsure if she should bring her husband to the evening reception before my presentation because he had just gotten out of jail for shooting someone in a bar at 3 AM (and I believe he was serving on the ABC at the time), to the North Dakota female high school lacrosse player who needed police escorts and her coaches to protect her at games from a rival group of girls who had been continually bullying her for two years, what I heard time and again about people's lack of civility to one another had me feeling burnt out.
But reaffirmation comes from the most unlikely of places. This time it came at the end of the year, working with a group of 7th and 8th grade students that I had gotten in trouble with their administration for misbehaving during my presentation.
It was a school assembly. In their defense, it was hot, we were in the gym, and they were sitting on bleachers, which are uncomfortable even in the best of circumstances. I love working with 7th and 8th graders and but I can even appreciate the boyish humor in that age group. But this group was different. In fact, they were pretty rude. Finally, toward the end of the assembly, when I could no longer stand how disrespectful they were being, I called them out on their behavior.
As expected, they didn't appreciate that I pointed out the problem. It was pretty obvious to me that many of the students were seriously lacking in manners and basic respect for others. It was also clear that they were rarely called out on their behavior, by teachers, parents, or anyone else.
Any doubts about my assessment disappeared when I started receiving emails from them several days later. To put it mildly, they vehemently disagreed with what I had said in my presentation, and were angered that I had said something about their behavior to the administration.
And then I got this email.
Hi. You spoke to my grade recently. You ended up contradicting yourself several times and them left with out giving us a solution. Then later told our parents we were the worst group you have taught in 7 years that we were cynical, disrespectful and some other dumb stuff. Well I think we were cynical because we found the large wholes in your logic and decided that you had no right telling us what to do. If you want to teach kids make sure you understand the subject yourself. I have an idea, stop telling us what is going on in our life's trust me, we would know it's happening to us. Try telling us what to do about it. Also you really need to stop with those guilt trips because frankly they're annoying and immature. Have a good life.
Signed one 14 year old who is smarter then you are.
Even after all my experience working with teens, I was amazed at this email. But I'm not writing about this because I want to talk about how disrespectful and bratty today's teens are. I am including the email above only to show you the email I got from the same student a short while later.
Hello Ms. Wiseman.
I recently wrote you a very rude and inconsiderate email. I am apologizing on my own will because I feel bad insulting your sincerity. I think you made some very good points but I was angry with you when you left. I feel that the solution is the most important part of this whole thing. If we don't know how to fix things, things will not get better.
That last email is why I have so much respect for the young people I work with. Yes they are capable of being rude and impulsive. But believe me, I have had equally bad experiences with adults -- and none of them had the maturity and sense of self to reflect on their feelings, apologize and reengage with the person they are angry with in a thoughtful and considerate way like this student.
We all do things that we regret. We all have moments where our anger propels us to act in inconsiderate ways. What makes the world more civilized is when individuals take responsibility for their actions and admit their wrongdoing. Imagine what the world would be like if more adults were as mature as this child was.
I'll take my inspiration from a teen any day.