Three events this week brought to mind the challenging role of being a mother today. The birth of a new baby, a college admissions decision and a long awaited on-again-off-again wedding.
Call it a mission statement, a manifesto, a set of rules, reminders, we're beginning this manifesto as a way to keep us all sane on this crazy, long and never-ending journey called motherhood:
*We will call what we're doing work. Even if the world doesn't acknowledge it, we will: motherhood is the hardest work in the world. It's physically demanding, psychologically strenuous, spiritually complex, and unpaying. We refuse to accept the whole "I-don't-work-I-stay-home-with-the-kid" thing. We've held lots of jobs, and not one has been more intense. And, since it is equally challenging to work outside the home and raise kids, we will never be too proud or silent to ask for help.
*We will complain when we want to. We are allowed to bitch. We'll never forget the healing power of a good old-fashioned rant.
*We will boast when we want to. Yes, our child is the cutest, smartest, most hilarious, most cuddly on the block.
*We will cry when we need to.
*We will laugh maniacally when we need to.
*We will not forget to play. With our kids and by ourselves.
*We will not forget the power of an occasional martini.
*We will not spend money haphazardly, or on useless status objects, or on stuff we think we "should" have.
*We will not be snobs about thrift stores.
*We will ask for help when we need it.
*While we will boast our kids are the smartest, cutest, most delightful creatures ever planted on this earth we will not turn them into our status symbols of success and excess.
*We will yell when we need to and feel guilty later.
*We will do our best to educate ourselves, to read valuable books, to attend parenting classes and lectures, to listen to those "experts" we admire--but we will also trust our instincts.
*We will avoid the rancorous, black-and-white thinking that pervades the media. We know people raise children in different ways.
*We will forgive ourselves when we make mistakes.
*We will listen to them and see them for who they are, not who we want them to be.
*We will not dress them in overpriced designer and disposable togs.
*We will not forget the power of an occasional martini. (When they are sleeping and we're not driving).
*We will share our triumphs, fears, and hopes with with a community of other parents.
*We will not forget the important role that fathers play, or deny fathers their own wisdom, their own experience (even if we complain about or bemoan their incessant need to toss the kid over their heads).
*We will be at our best when we remember to take care of ourselves.
*We will be strong, smart role models. In our successes and in our failures.
*We will trust their judgment and accept their choice in a life partner.
*We will keep adding to this list.
*We will teach them the value of healthy diet and exercise by modeling our behavior. (Really, we will.)
*We will remember where they get into college has little to do with living a full and happy life.
*We will sometimes use salty language--around adults. Of course we can't stand when people use dirty language around their children. But, on the other hand, isn't there something unsettling about mothers who talk baby talk and, even worse, can't keep it out of adult conversation?
*We will find places of sanity and sanctuary in our own backyard. The library, the nature preserve, the mall.
*We won't forget who we are.
*We will complain when we want to. We are allowed to bitch (we are Bitches on a Budget!). We'll never forget the healing power of a good old-fashioned rant. (Yes we said that before.)
*We will be like all mothers everywhere and repeat ourselves over and over and over again.
Tell us: what "rules" do you follow as a mother? Leave a comment! Add to the manifesto!
Read more from Rosalyn Hoffman at Bitches on a Budget
Become a Fan on Facebook at Bitches on a Budget
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.