Obama Was Elected Last Tuesday: Where Are All the Ponies?

01/28/2009 02:22 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

We all know of the Big Kahuna's mighty exploits. He slew the Clintonian kraken and, yea verily, exorcised the spooky chain-rattling ghosts of Republicanism past. But that was, like, a week ago; what's he done for us lately? The euphoria of his electoral victory was all we'd hoped it would be and yet strangely enough, ours is still an imperfect world. What gives? Why aren't we all millionaires yet? Why does war continue to exist? Why do I still have to eat and sleep at regular intervals? Shouldn't I be mostly robot by now? Curse my frail organic body!

Such is the peril of over-promising and under-delivering--the "death by a thousand cuts" of ambitious overachievers everywhere--now facing Obama. And it's a sticky wicket, this one is, because the blades will be coming from both sides. On the one hand are people who think Obama's just full of incense and peppermints (not in a good way) and will joyfully leap at every chance they get to say "empty rhetoric" and talk about how words aren't real or whatever. And on the other hand are people who expect Obama to usher in the Age of Aquarius and will be sorely disappointed to find that the world will continue be the sometimes wonderful, sometimes lousy thing that it always is.

We can see this already in Obama's first post-election press conference. Obama didn't utter a mystical incantation to unhex the markets, which apparently was a bit of a bummer. He had to remind us that he's not president yet. Twice. Stories covering the transition include morose observations that "he cannot jump in and start dictating policy." This is news to us? I mean, sure, I'm all for Obama telling Bush what to do over the next couple months. But if the president-elect starts taking guff for not bossing the president around, then we've got some kinda warped expectations in our collective noodle.

It's crazy exciting, I know. But let's just all breathe for a moment. The race is over. He won't be sworn in til January. And even then, great as he promises to be, he is, at the same time, just some dude. We won't get our first cyborg president for another thirty years, at least. My money's on Natalie Portman.