Buy Shoes On Wednesday and Tweet at 4:00 is a new advice book which tells the reader the best possible time to get everything done, from flossing ones teeth to visiting Zanzibar. As a public service, I've used the information provided in that book to create an ideal day:
First thing in the morning, start a daily ritual that will become a habit (you're more likely to stick with it), go to the car wash (it's less crowded and the machinery is cleaner) and ride your horse (he'll have more energy at that hour and won't get overheated).
Between 6 and 8 a.m., pick strawberries (That's the time of day the plants are strongest) and hunt (More animals are out at that hour, so you're more likely to kill something).
At seven, take a break to update your Facebook page. (Your friends are logging on as they wake up and are more likely to read it. Sample update: "Just shot a moose! About to breakfast on tasty moose hash and fresh strawberries.")
Then shave (if you cut yourself, you'll lose less blood) and hold a garage sale (you'll get more customers).
If you live in a high-crime neighborhood, make sure to get to the ATM before 9 am. (You're less likely to be mugged.)
As the morning wears on, you can go bowling (it's cheaper), exercise for weight loss (you'll burn more calories), get a massage (your massage therapist will have more energy) and get a colonoscopy (the doc is more likely to find abnormal growths if they do exist).
At eleven, stop to buy a diamond. (That's when sales staff in jewelry stores are most fresh and focused and likely to provide good service.)
And in the late morning -- sing! (Your vocal cords will be nicely warmed up.) Maybe you can make up a song about your colonoscopy.
Get your nails done in the afternoon. (They'll have plenty of time to dry, and the salon will be less crowded.)
Then, at three, interview for a job. (You'll be most likely to be remembered by your not-yet-exhausted interviewer.)
In the late afternoon, it's best to knit. (Your hand-eye coordination is at its peak).
But make sure you don't knit DURING the job interview.
At four, vacuum your house (your mood and energy will both be up) and mow the lawn (the grass is dry and easier to cut). Then post a tweet. ("Just mowed the lawn and vacuumed my house!")
At five, post on Facebook. Your friends will read it as they check in before leaving work. ("Got the job! Snacked on moose leftovers. And I'm almost done with this lovely hand-knitted afghan for my horse.")
In the evening, take your dog for a run (you're more relaxed and he's less likely to get overheated). Then brush his teeth. (After the run, he'll be more compliant.) Then purchase a gerbil. (They're nocturnal, so gerbil shopping in the evening gives you a better idea of what they're like than during the day, when they're sleepy and sluggish.)
At seven, teach someone to drive on the highway. (There's less traffic, so it's safer.)
At eight, read to your child. (Perhaps a book about how to take care of a new gerbil. Or a fairy tale about a horse and a gerbil who become best pals.)
At ten, do the laundry (power is cheaper off peak)
If you don't want to do the laundry, you've got a great excuse. Ten is also the best time to go to bed. (It's good for your health to sleep from 10 to 6.)
But, before you drift off to dreamland, don't forget to floss. (You're less likely to rush, and the inside of your mouth will be clean while you sleep.)
Sweet dreams! Maybe you'll dream about visiting Zanzibar. (If so, keep in mind that the best month for that is July.)
(This review first appeared on www.womensvoicesforchange.org)
"I have over ten thousand names in my [genealogical] file and am hooked on not just the facts, but the story-writing. I reconnect with cousins I haven't seen since I was a teen. I meet new relatives online and in person, even fifth cousins, who I never know I had... There's nothing like knowing that you had an ancestor in the Battle of Saratoga..." -Jean Benning, 75
"I traveled with the Hershey (Pennsylvania) Community Chorus to sing in Wales. When you visit the valleys in the east it's like going back in time; people aren't attached to their computers and mobile phones. I started renting an apartment in the city of Pontypool for six months a year. Now I have a lot of friends there and even volunteer at a shop where the proceeds support cancer research." -Judith Emmers, 69
"I'm lucky enough to live across the street from a gym. I go over there two mornings a week and work out for an hour at 5:30 a.m., and then see a trainer for another hour. I also do water aerobics three times a week. I do it so I can keep doing the things I love, not because I love the exercise. I didn't start exercising until I was sixty-six." -Corinne Lyon, 74
"I spent my seventieth birthday in a hot tub six thousand feet up Mount Hood. I didn't want my kids to think they had to do something special." -Carolyn Rundorff, 71
"A group of us organized a trip along the Natchez Trace from Nashville, Tennessee, to Natchez, Mississippi. We researched stops and places to stay, and every day one of us was the designated driver to haul the gear. You want to know the people fairly well before you set out on something like this. We covered 444 miles in less than a week." -Bill Dunn, 65
"We started the Canetti Literary Society in December 1981. [Elias] Canetti...had just won the Nobel Prize for Literature. I have a Masters in Literature and had never heard of Canetti. So I thought it was a good time to read his work, and the best way would be to have a book club with other women who might be interested in reading good literature. We are still in existence." -Anne Richtel, 95
"I'm training to be a museum docent at the Bishop Museum in Honolulu. The training to be certified is rigorous -- six hours a week for six weeks, then shadowing a certified docent, then delivering your spiel to two different staff members in two different areas of the museum." -Therese Wilkin, 63
"I began morris dancing in 1984 and long sword dancing in 1989. These forms are English and date back several centuries. I get exercise; a very close bond with a group of people of both genders and a variety of ages; the challenge of learning and performing a wide variety of rather complex and demanding dances; and the satisfaction of helping keep ancient traditions alive and growing." -Robert Orser, 79
"It is lovely to come to this physical and spiritual, scientific and creative body of knowledge at this point in my life. When I talk over the back fence with my gardening neighbors or give someone a bouquet of flowers from my garden, I know just how my grandmother and mother felt when they did the same thing." -Ally McKay, 68
"We had one piece that we were doing at a festival, which we had only a short time to learn, and we rehearsed on the bus to Abilene. We were the last to perform, and our director was very nervous. We rehearsed one last time before going on, and everyone in the choir got every note right. It's a pleasure you can't understand if you haven't done it. It really keeps you going." -Mary Roberson, 70
"The best part of community theater is that no one cares about your politics, your religion, or your money. Everyone's on the same bus. I've gotten so much out of it. My closest friends come from there. The ones I depend on, the ones who have my back, come from the theater." -Ellen Kazin, 71
"When I retired I took several Road Scholar watercolor trips and subsequently read everything I could find on Winslow Homer... My wife suggested that I had uncovered so much material on Homer that I should write a book... The rewards are beyond my fondest dreams...I believe that has brought me as close to the Master as one can get." -Robert Demarest, 83
"I started [studying Italian] when my husband and I were planning our first of four Road Scholar trips to Italy. I have found other people -- over two hundred of them, to be exact -- in an organization called Il Circolo Italiano on the Philadelphia Main Line, who come together to speak and promote the Italian Language and culture... They are the warmest people you would every want to meet." -Jean Benning, 75
"I wanted to do something in retirement that would give back to the community and to people in need, and this seemed to be an excellent candidate... The major reward is seeing families that are living in great need...partner with us in building first other people's and then their own homes, and then move into what in most cases is the first home they have ever owned." -Robert Bond, 75
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