What if We Don't Want to be Greeted by Loved Ones at Death?

Conventional wisdom holds that fear of death is epidemic in the Western world. Whatever the truth of that, cultural commentators are all too willing to chalk it up to everything from our materialistic society to our isolation from one another.

What's missing, though, is an honest acknowledgment that fear of death can be a rational response. If you break the fear down to its components parts, it suddenly starts to make sense. Prominent among our fears are eternal punishment and non-existence, not to mention the pain of the dying process. A fourth fear -- that of the unknown -- essentially incorporates the other three.

Even those of us who believe we're destined for a better place can't deny that we're heading out essentially sight unseen. Not only aren't we shown a travelogue of our destination, we're provided with no travel brochures to leaf through. Guide books, such as the Tibetan Book of the Dead, are the exception, especially in the West. Nor is there a map or even an itinerary -- inexcusable omissions in the Information Age.

Of course, there's always word of mouth. On Christianity's heaven: "God's crystal-clear light will fill heaven [which is] a city made of pure gold. ... Each of the twelve gates of the city will be made of pearl." On Islam's jannah: "[A state of bliss where you wear] costly robes, bracelets, [and] perfumes as [you] partake in exquisite banquets [and] recline on couches inlaid with gold or precious stones." (Note how I refrained from the cheap joke about houri, those translucent virgins used to entice suicide bombers.)

But for those of us who fear death with its concomitant uncertainty about the afterlife, a life rope has been thrown to us. It comes in the form of the comforting notion that when we pass over we'll be greeted by loved ones.

You didn't hear this from Christianity or Islam, though. True, you're assured that you'll see your family again upon your assimilation into the afterlife. However, you're gently but firmly reminded that heaven is all about God or Allah. You can be forgiven if that reminds you of a cult.

What then is the source of the "greeted by loved ones" motif? In fact, it's a product of mediums -- one actually titled his book Never Say Goodbye -- and those who've had near-death experiences (NDEs), as well as those who believe in past lives. According to this belief, not only will you be reunited with your family, but, according to the NDEs of many, its members will appear, not at their cachexic death-bed worst, but as in your most cherished memories of them. Your mother will be at her most maternal and your grandmother will be at her grandmotherly best.

For many who fear death, this may be just what the doctor ordered. But what about those for whom the prospect of meeting their family is a source of little or no consolation?

Many -- perhaps more than care to admit it -- subscribe to the notion that family is just a group of people, most of whom we'd never spend time with if our lots hadn't been thrown in together by the luck of the draw. To us, family is, at worst, abusive, at best, dysfunctional. Then there are those of us to whom the idea of family is decent enough, but representative of a commonplace, provincial mentality that we've dedicated our youths to escaping.

In other words, the prospect of an afterlife in which we're enmeshed in the web of family life all over again is even worse than being kept in the dark about the afterlife. Wait, how about if we just give family members we meet up with there an air kiss? I mean, what's more befitting the incorporeal? Then we'll engage them in some small talk -- "Uncle Harry didn't make it? Sorry to hear that." -- and move on.

Unfeeling as it sounds, that may be all that's required according to psychologist and hypnotist James Newton. The author of popular and provocative books about reincarnation like Journey of Souls and Destiny of Souls, he's at the forefront of the minority who, instead of past lives, explores lives between lives, aka, the afterlife. According to Dr. Newton's hypnosis subjects, once family greets you, its members fade into the woodwork (or cloudwork, as it were), at least for the time being.

You then move on to your "soul group" -- not the Earth, Wind and Fire kind, but the type said to account for that "Haven't I met you before?" feeling. Composed of individuals with whom we've reincarnated on a regular basis, we catch up on old times with them in the afterlife. This is where the worst fears of those to whom family has been an albatross around their necks come to fruition.

Soul groups, see, are said to often include family members. Furthermore, when it comes to reincarnation, family roles are interchangeable. For example, your mother in a previous life may be your wife in this life. Good thing we're not privy to that information on earth -- the "ew-w-w" factor would be off the charts.

Furthermore, in the afterlife we can expect to hash out our differences with family members who are part of our soul group. However civil the tone -- as you can imagine, strife on high is frowned upon -- an afterlife encounter group with our family doesn't sound so heavenly, does it? Not to mention the boundary issues that mind-reading raises.

Still, if you're among those to whom one of reincarnation's selling points is that you get to change families, you can take comfort in the knowledge that your stay in the afterlife should be brief. After you've enjoyed some r & r, digested your previous life, and drawn up an action plan for your next, your soul will be recycled to earth again. Gut it out in heaven until you get out -- just like when you were growing up in a bad or dreary family.

Comments

[PlaceboStudman]

Fear of the unknown just doesn't make sense to me. It is unknown, therefore, what is there to fear? The unknown is what humanity is all about. It is the framework for mental, emotional and spiritual growth, ie evolution. If it were not for the unknown, we would never learn, grow, develop. The uknown and even unknowable are what drives humanity toward a greater understanding, of ourselves, and others. The Unknown presents opportunities, chances, potential. And as much as the unknown has done for science and rational thought in terms of educating people about the natural world around us, the unknown is the scaffold on which faith and religion are built upon, as well.

Admittedly, I am a staunch, devout atheist. As such, I do not believe in "God" as presented by the world's major religions. However, it can not be denied that there are aspects of existance that are unknown and perhaps even unknowable. From a purely scientific point of view, the concepts of The After Life and Past and Future lives only make sense, as it is well established (at least mathematically) that energy and matter are interchangeable at high speeds (the speed of light squared).

The question then is, does what we learn in this world, or what we have learned in past lives follow us to our other lives?

I do not know

No one knows

And I for one am glad for that

[rolodex]

"From a purely scientific point of view, the concepts of The After Life and Past and Future lives only make sense"

Total Bunk. From a scientific view, you must have evidence, and there is none. You can no more prove after life than you can god. Your matter & energy analogy, besides being totally misconstrued on their own, have no relevance at all here.

As a "staunch, devout atheist", I'll speculate that you don't believe in a god due to a lack of evidence. You should also be a-post-life-ist for the same reason.

I imagine that being dead will be just as 'terrifying' as it was before being born. It's not the dead part I worry about, its the dying process that has me concerned.

[JohnFromCensornati]

"Prominent among our fears are eternal punishment and non-existence, not to mention the pain of the dying process. A fourth fear -- that of the unknown -- essentially incorporates the other three."

Some people obviously do have more to fear from the dying process than others and I've always wondered why non-existence is frightening to people. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm not afraid of it either.
All the various and detailed afterlife descriptions are just colorful fantasies (and that's being charitable).

[Maerwynn]

I've often wondered that myself...i­f this actually IS hell!

Ala Dorothy Parker or Shakespeare or whoever deserves the attribution, almost every day I think to myself at some point: And what fresh hell is this???

[paragrafH]

I don't think I'd worry too much about the afterlife family confab. My understanding is that it will be more like an after-show party when you all drop your characters and meet again as friends -- but without the typical backstage rivalries. In this case it would be more like a reunion of like-mindedness. Once you leave the body, you drop the life mask you've been wearing and return to a vantage point of far greater perspective on the preceding life -- and all those before it. It should be a blast!