The examples I used in last week's column, "Isn't It Time to Stop Griping and Start Doing?" all cited individuals who found themselves confronted with difficult circumstances, each of whom elected to do what he or she could, regardless of the external environment. Of course, some even chose to dismiss these very real examples of positive action because, well, some people just do that. It would appear that finding positive lessons and moving on them can be challenging for some.
Last week, one insightful reader, Liz McKechnie, pretty much nailed it when she wrote:
To me this is about knowing who you are in the first place and the footprint you consciously choose to make in the world.
If you know what you stand for you can commit yourself to a clear intention that is aligned with your values.
Each of these acts tells a story about the people who have taken action. The actions reflect the autonomous decisions made by people who are prepared to think for themselves. Each of these people is a leader in their own lives. In accepting responsibility for themselves they are becoming leaders in the wider community also. In this way, by choosing to serve we become leaders.
This translates into business. In short: Ask not what your workforce can do for you, but what you can do for your workforce. You may be surprised what you get back.
"Darquelord" posed an interesting dilemma, one that some would call a "Faustian Choice":
Liberals Gripe
Conservatives Blame
Which is better?
I'm sure all those self-appointed scholarly critics will choose to miss the point and instead jump all over my use of "Faustian Choice" rather than a more accurate citation of "Faustian Bargain." However, for those more interested in dialogue that might move us all forward toward a positive outcome, either can be instructive.
The classic definition of a Faustian Bargain is to sacrifice something of greater moral value in favor of temporal power or knowledge. Indeed, that would sound familiar to those of us who have been on the impact side of all kinds of political and economic choices made in favor of personal power and greed.
The "Faustian Choice" proposed by "Darquelord" presents us with something that is also all too familiar: a choice about whom to blame for our current situation. To be sure, there are more than enough targets out there for any of us to criticize, and with good reason.
However, the choice to blame the conservatives or the liberals (or the capitalists or the socialists) omits one critical factor. When we get all done blaming and have amassed all the data necessary to prove our case, we are still left with the same dilemma: now that we know who is wrong, we still are left with the same problems to be overcome.
Years ago, when I was on a track to becoming a clinical psychologist (something I abandoned and instead refocused on becoming an educational psychologist), I did some intern work with a very skilled Gestalt therapist. In one particular family therapy session, the focus was on the behavior of a six-year-old boy prone to massive temper tantrums. In the middle of the session, the boy threw himself on the floor and began to wail and flail all about. The therapist observed this for about 10 seconds and threw himself on the floor, yelling and screaming right along with the little boy.
It only took the boy a few seconds before he stopped his antics and just stared at the apparently out of control therapist. After a minute or so, the boy asked, "What are you doing?" The therapist responded, "I thought if yelling and screaming were going to change the problems you're facing, I'd try it myself to see if I can fix some things that have been bothering me as well." (Of course, this was several decades ago, so the quotes are not really accurate, but you get the message.)
We seem to have devolved into to a nation of six-year-olds, all too willing to get on the floor, the stage or the TV program, wailing and flailing as though that were going to fix anything. The real problem with all this is that some of those wailing and flailing actually care about something, and yet for all the yelling, screaming and blaming, we're still stuck with the "same old same old."
In my new book "Workarounds That Work" (coming out in January 2011 -- shameless self promotion, I admit), I frame the issue this way: where do you start when things aren't going the way you want them to go? Of course, most people look to find the fault or issue somewhere else. My advice: start with your own self and ask a simple question: what can you do that would make a positive difference requiring no one's permission other than your own? As many have learned, a simple choice to do what you can does make a difference. It may not change the world, but it may help get something moving. And, if you can make even a small difference in your own life, why wouldn't you do what you can on your own?
From there, a second question emerges: what can you do that would make a positive difference but requires permission, support, approval or cooperation? If you start with the first question, you may find yourself in a much stronger position to influence others by simply moving from bitching and moaning to proactive action on your part.
Back in the old days, cartoonist Walt Kelly, of Pogo fame, reminded us that if pollution were going to be addressed, then it would be up to us individually and collectively to do something about it. He popularized the message with the now-famous shortened quote: "We have met the enemy and he is us." His original language, taken from the book "The Best of Pogo," reads:
There is no need to sally forth, for it remains true that those things which make us human are, curiously enough, always close at hand. Resolve, then, that on this very ground, with small flags waving and tiny blasts of tiny trumpets, we shall meet the enemy, and not only may he be ours, he may be us.
In the time of McCarthyism, he noted that "each individual is wholly involved in the democratic process, work at it or no. The results of the process fall on the head of the public and he who is recalcitrant or procrastinates in raising his voice can blame no one but himself." His comic strips were his way to encourage individual engagement, not just more whining and complaining.
What do you think? What could you do to become more personally engaged? What small step could you take to help move things forward?
I would love to hear from you about your ideas, about what you have done to work around the challenges you are facing, or about what you have seen a friend or neighbor do that has been effective.
Please do leave a comment here or drop me an email and let me know your experience.
Russell Bishop is an educational psychologist, author, executive coach and management consultant based in Santa Barbara, California. Watch for his new book, "Workarounds That Work: How to Conquer Anything That Stands in Your Way at Work," to be released January 2011. You can find out more about Russell at www.lessonsinthekeyoflife.com. Contact Russell by email at Russell@lessonsinthekeyoflife.com.
Follow Russell Bishop on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Russell_Bishop
Russell Bishop: Isn't It Time To Stop Griping And Start Doing?
Russell Bishop: Are You Part of the Solution or Part of the Problem?
Partisan Politics and the US Income Distribution
Partisan Politics—A Fool's Game for the Masses | The Beacon
How to beat partisan politics? Ask your state government ...
Supreme Court riven by partisan politics - CNN
In the public sphere I believe America today needs more, not fewer, finger-pointers. When the voters, or the media, refuse to "point the finger," those who created the messes -- in the economy, in Iraq and Afghanistan, wherever -- are given permission to create more of them.
According to influencing guru, Robert Cialdini, the Law of Reciprocity states that if someone gives me something I will want to return the favour.
So I have returned the favour and quoted you in my Wordpress blog, Mr Bishop, (May I call you Russell yet?) as I ponder why we get so fired up blaming others instead of looking inwards when things go wrong in our world.
You quote cartoonist Walt Kelly, in The Best of Pogo. Brilliant.
I am wholeheartedly in favour of people thinking for themselves and choosing the footprint they make in the world.
It's strange that I feel so comforted to be quoted on a blog and find agreement across the ocean with someone I have never met and probably never will.
And there lies the paradox - the Law of Social Approval. If other people think the same about my autonomous, clearly thought out, originally coined values and vision, then maybe I'm not alone - I can be cosy in my group of original thinkers who think the same as me.
If only those outside the group agreed with us. They're the ones to blame for stuff going wrong aren't they?
Wow, Russell, you don't realize just how patronizing you can be, do you?
I began as a candy striper in a local hospital when I was 13.
I worked a local crisis hotline when I was in college, and after buying a home, ran for the local Homeowner's Board of Trustees, where I served my community for 9 years. I taught creative writing to teen agers after school, and today, I advocate for special needs kids.
I did all this because I believed that it was worthy and worthwhile to contribute to the community.
BUT,,,I observed years back only a small portion of the population bother. Look at any school in the country, and the PTA and PTO is usually manned by a bare handful. Everyone is "too busy" to be bothered. They can make a difference...but they simply don't care to. We live in a world of labor saving devices---but don't have time to help out at a blood drive, or a bake sale.
Forgive me, but at the moment, I'm not interested in what "I" can do to make things change...I've been "doing" all along. Forgive me for thinking that perhaps other people could pitch in, instead of expecting the few to carry them? I remember when a very self important man found out I took no salary from my Board work...and said "Well, if it was worth anything, they'd be paying you."
Really?
So if I took on debt I couldn't afford, it's the government's fault?
If I didn't seek out truth and question, it's the government's fault?
If I voted based only on my narrow interests and not the greater good, it's the government's fault?
If I have my Medicare and Social Security, but am willing to deny others health care, it's the government's fault?
If I invested in the stock market without knowing what I was doing,it's the government's fault?
If I chose to buy imports just because they're somewhat cheaper, it's the government's fault?
If I urged my Union to demand more and more, it's the government's fault?
If I made increasing quarterly profits the only measure of my company's success, it's the government's fault?
If I speculated in the housing market, it's the government's fault?
If I couldn't be bothered voting because a good TV show was on, it's the government's fault?
If I get my philosophy and beliefs from TV pundits, it's the government's fault?
Sorry amigo, Walt Kelley nailed it. It's not " the government", it's us. We the people, who have allowed it to go on.
I am willing to accept personal responsibility for the bad decisions I have made, but I refuse to accept responsibility for the bad decisions some abstract (and essentially meaningless) collective entity like "the people" has made.
However..finger pointing can cause change..
That is generally how people get their fingers broken....
They did it. It was THEM that did it. Those OTHER guys. Not my guys, my guys are OK.
Oh, really? If you still think "they" did it, then you're still being played for a sucker. The hard fact is they ALL did it, and that includes you and me! We've all been sound asleep, or most of us have, for so long that we gave "them" more than ample opportunity to do whatever it is they did, so we're all every bit as culpable as they are. So if you really want to play the blame game then stop whining and blame yourself.
But do you really want to do that? Do you really want to go around in circles? It's counterproductive, you know.
As far as I'm concerned, it's time to do things differently. It's time to take responsibility. I've chosen to put my eggs in the basket of the two-party system one too many times.
No, I think I'll do something different this time. Next stop... the Green Party.
Oh, you say. They're not going to win, you say. You're probably right, I say, but at least I will have taken responsibility for doing something different, rather than doing the tired old same old.
Often, assigning blame -- figuring out who messed up, and how, and why -- IS the first constructive step.
Well, there was, wasn't there? And there is still a HUGE difference between Democrats and Republicans. It might not be as great as you (or I) would like, but it's still huge.
If you don't believe me, put the Republicans in power again and see what happens.
(FYI, if 97,421 people in Florida had voted for Gore instead of Nader -- hell, if even 1,000 of them had voted for Gore -- Bush never would have become president.)