Why Positive Thinking Just Doesn't Work

Six weeks ago, I started a series on aspiring to an inspired life with an article suggesting there may be more to life than your 'to do' list. Last week, I posed the question, "Are You Doomed By Your Circumstances?"

This one article seems to have pinched a nerve in a number of people. Actually, several nerves. In fact, over the past year or so, these pinched nerves have erupted in various forms, revealing a pattern of complaint. Some of the complaints come from obviously caring and well intentioned people, some from people in apparently difficult or even desperate conditions, and some from the usual group who seem bent on shooting down anything positive or uplifting.

A sampling of common complaints:
• Positive thinking doesn't work
• Some circumstances are beyond repair
• Not everyone can succeed in life or reach the top

Not Everyone is Going to Make it to the Top

Before diving in too deep, I want to underscore that my work always emphasizes awareness and choice: what are you aware of experiencing, what would you prefer to experience, and what choices can you make that will help you make some kind of movement toward what you want? Distinguishing between material world success (things) and the deeper, more meaningful levels (enriching experiences) characterizes my work and the focus of these articles.

That doesn't mean you can't achieve success in the physical world. It just means that most of us would prefer inner peace, grace, loving, expansion and caring over material world possessions.

I began exploring this theme with my first post in July, 2008 asking people to notice the difference between what they pursue in life and why they actually want it. Some still miss the message, focusing instead on physical level achievements.

One reader wrote:

Some people are very lucky, or to put it another way, they get some breaks that not everyone will get, and then chalk it up to their own determination, grit, talent, amazingness, whatever. Reality. Not everyone is going to be hugely successful in life. I'm not saying don't try, but it is not true that everyone can reach the top just by trying or keeping a positive outlook. There is limited real estate at the pinnacle. Sorry to be a downer, but that's how I see it.

It's absolutely true that not everyone will wind up being the richest person on earth. That's not the point. As W Mitchell is fond of saying, "It's Not What Happens To You, It's What You Do About It." In case you don't know already, Mitchell (as he prefers to be called), survived a horrendous motorcycle crash that left him disfigured and burned his fingers off, only to wind up paralyzed in a plane crash. He has gone on to become a writer, speaker and inspiration to many.

I have worked with holocaust survivors, victims of rape, mayhem and untold physical abuse; I have worked with the rich and powerful; I have worked with ordinary folks trapped in the hum-drum existence of 9-5 and even with prisoners locked away for life due to the heinous nature of their crimes. More importantly, I have seen thousands take what they have, make new choices, and wind up with an improved quality of life, despite the apparent hopelessness of their situation or circumstance.

My experience has shown me that no matter where you are, what you have endured, or what your current level of circumstance, you can almost always do something to improve the quality of your experience, even if you can't do much about the quantity of it.

Indeed, not everyone is going to wind up at the top of the material world success pyramid; however, everyone does have the opportunity to improve the quality of their life experience.

Positive Thinking Doesn't Work

Surprisingly I couldn't agree more - positive thinking doesn't work! Unless, of course, it does.

Positive thinking alone is unlikely to change much of anything in the physical world. You can sit there and hope, pray, project, imagine, fantasize, visualize, make up great affirmations and just about any other kind of positive thinking idea you can imagine, and not much will change - at least not without actually getting involved, without taking some form of action towards what you want more of in your life.

Here's an example from one reader who obviously feels stuck:

Dear Russell

We read the self help books, we go to seminars, we listen to knowledgeable people who wholeheartedly try to be of help, we check sites on the internet, we read powerful messages or stories, and it all seems to me like visiting a fortune teller, hoping we will hear something positive.

Please do not take it the wrong way, but somehow this came to my mind and maybe because I've read and listened etc but somehow I am still feeling trapped.

This is one of the most common personal traps I have encountered over the years - it's kind of like saying, "I know that already and it doesn't work," which may really translate to, "I've heard it before, but haven't successfully applied it, therefore it doesn't work."

Reading about something is far different from actually getting involved. You can read a great cake recipe, but until you actually buy the ingredients, follow the recipe, and wait while the cake changes from batter to cake in the heat of the oven, not much will take place.

Last year, I wrote the following:

If all you do is read what is written, you may not get much value. If, however, you practice or apply what is written here, if you examine each element from the point of view of how it applies to your life, if you actively participate with the information, you may discover incredible insights into your own life. Surprisingly, you may learn lessons that you thought you had learned long ago, only this time the lesson will come at a much higher level, and take you far deeper into your True Self than you ever could have imagined.

Rather than simply thinking positively, holding a positive focus just might encourage some part of you to take positive action that, in turn, just might lead to a more positive set of experiences. However, until you get involved with the suggestions, actually try it out instead of just thinking about it, you will never really know.

I doubt that Mitchell has spent many days or nights telling himself positive thoughts about how great it is to be disfigured or paralyzed. However, he represents a fantastic example of what you can do with a positive focus.

Here's another example of missing the point:

Liz wrote:

I hate when people comment that anyone can overcome anything and that it is all a state of mind.

Robert added:

I agree. Staying positive is not a solution when your life truly sucks.

Unfortunately, there is an element of truth to these kinds of comments. The element of truth rises from the fact that if you give up before even trying, if you declare that the recipe could not possibly work, not only will you miss out on the cake, but you will likely become demoralized and increasingly stuck.

Mike wrote:

I once heard psychologist Armand DeMele say something interesting about self-sabotage:

"Self-sabotage is the smartest thing you can do if you're sabotaging a self that is not really you."

Sage advice, indeed.

There's more to come on this theme. Please let me know your thoughts, questions, concerns or suggestions, either by leaving a comment below, or by sending me an email.

***

You can find out more about Russell Bishop at http://www.lessonsinthekeyoflife.com. Contact Russell at: [e-mail]

Russell is an Educational Psychologist, professional life coach and management consultant, based in Santa Barbara California.

Comments

[Joe Soja]

I agree with the person who said staying positive is not much of a solution when your life truly sucks. My life has had its ups and downs regardless of how I've thought...and I also agree positive thinking alone is unlikely to change much of anything in the physical world. In other words sh*t happens,perhaps more to some than others.

[attilathehoneycom]

I thought twice before commenting because where there are self help books - there is also self interest which equates to money. Some of what you say is true from your perspective. However please permit me to throw a few thoughts, for your consideration, on the table. For instance, you say that regarding material world success - 'positive thinking alone isn't likely to change much in the physical world.' I disagree because I believe that thoughts are things and manifest themselves in our lives as such. Pain comes into our lives from 'wanting' - rather than 'accepting' How many roofs do we need to sleep under? How much food can we consume in a day? How many changes of clothes do we need? So the man who has a high level of contentment in the physical world - who is always positive is a HUGE SUCCESS - no matter the outcome. Does this mean that we shouldn't make our efforts to do the needful? No - it means to simply make our effort and leave the results to that Great Power that sustains us all. Again, these are merely my perspectives but they have made me a very happy camper. I can adjust to any situation and am generally happy - no matter what asteroid hits me. These, however, are lessons learned from a lifetime of struggle. So struggle becomes a great teacher in our lives. A great friend of mine once said,"your attitude is your altitude - how high

[shiningstar1]

I think the term "positive thinking" is part of the disconnect. What is "positive" after all? When I read the many comments of people comparing their lives to others and being dissatisfied, it was clear the Ego was the culprit. When you stop comparing yourself, stop judging yourself and just accept everything you get as a gift, you are automatically satisfied and grateful. When you are satisfied and grateful you are on a frequency that brings you more abundance. Things that might seem negative are usually great opportunities to realign with why you are on the planet and what special thing you bring. Negativity is usually just resistance. Not everyone's destiny is to own real estate. Some people might just inspire others or be great parents or be great with animals. That little voice in the head that says you need more stuff is the Ego. Learn to ignore it and you might find you are already successful and you almost missed it.

[marco01]

I see a lot of people on this comment board missing the point. Doing is just as important as positive thinking. A successful and fulfilling life cannot be achieved if either one of these is lacking.

I think a lot of it stems from the unintentional (I think) emphasis placed on positive thinking over doing by many of the thinkers involved in this movement. Many have recognized this and have been vigorously trying to correct this error in communication.

Just DO now, KNOW that you are on the right path. LISTEN to what your spirit tells you and adjust your DOING accordingly.

Meditate daily as well, this is very important. It will help quiet the "monkey mind" so that you can be clear to make the right decisions and maintain your vision.

[Angelaaaa]

We have been sold positivity (literally, self-help stuff costs a fortune!) as somehow separate to active achievement. One of the most crucial lessons that Martin EP Seligman's The Optimistic Child teaches is that parents who continually boost their child's self-esteem without following it up with assisting in some concrete achievements, are on a losing streak. It works for adults too. Instead of simply expecting lovely thoughts to bring you happiness, it's time to DO something - help someone else, plant a garden, volunteer at an animal shelter.

Active participation and achievement will keep you occupied so well - the happiness will creep up on you all unawares.

[sunshineonmyface]

Positive thinking, helping an individual depends on that individual.As a christain, the Bible teaches me not to worry, to trust God, work hard and expect my prayers to be answered. Having an optimistic outlook in life pays great dividends. I believe that one's fate is pre-destined. Life is very precious and fragile for one to waste one's time wallowing in negative thinking, walking around with a dark cloud encirling one's life. I prefer positive thinking, living a life of great expectations, at the same time realistically knowing that God helps those who help themselves.

[boredwell]

What role does clinical depression play in the application of positive thinking? Does one have to ameliorate the condition prior to grappling with the seduction of positive thinking? As an example of my own self-help program, I attempted to surround myself with positive-minded people through volunteerism. Though I find dealing with people and their personalities trying, I immersed myself as an in-home relief worker for in-home terminally ill patients. It was rewarding. What surprised me most was that, after 6 months as a volunteer, I was selected by popular vote the most "valuable and hardworking" volunteer of the year. At the award ceremony, I dedicated the plaque to ALL volunteers whom I considered to be as equally valuable and hard-working as myself. Afterward, I was chastised and berated for getting on my "high horse;" accused of undermining the spirit of the award by "slapping the faces" of those who believed me to be "the best!" This response over and under-whelmed me although I received warm congratulations for my acceptance "speech" from others, treatment. A week later, I was told that my services were no longer needed because a "new crop" of volunteers were being a given a chance to put their training to the practical test. I blame myself. I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude - that failure often presents new opportunities - but so far I haven't progressed to that level.

[mrsLambert]

Unless it's the Psychic Friends Network you plan on volunteering for next, no one knows you are sitting at home waiting for the next opportunity. Make some calls to progress to that next level.

[BaileyKay]

Mrs. Lambert, your overall response comes across as bluntly lacking compassion and the sarcasm, seething with ill judgement. If this response approach is part of a "think positive" method, it sounds ironically very negative to my cyber-ear.

[BaileyKay]

Viktor Frankl was a holocaust survivor who wrote a classic book called, "Man's Search for Meaning." In this book he spoke about optimists and said they did not survive the camps. This does not surprise me. I know people who are "think positive" obsessive. They nearly always strike me as people who can't seem to tolerate the idea that life does not always work the way we wish, so they often appear to me to be ironic pessimists with their intolerance of the realities of life. They, of course, will insist almost aggressively that they are positive to the (bitter) end. Frankl believed that by acknowledging and confronting our sufferings, we can be more objective about working through them, and finding meaning in the entirety of what life presents us, instead of just hoping things get better. I tend to agree that this is more "positive" than the sometimes strained "optimism" I see being preached in books like "The Secret." Compare "Man's Search for Meaning" with "The Secret" and I believe one will see the depths of the soul in the former, and the blatant gimmick and the malnourished promises of the latter.

Here is a bit about Frankl:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl

[bioluminescence]

Materialism and consumer driven economies (such as in the U. S.) breed unhappiness because they force you to define your life by what's not in it. That car, that waistline, those shoes, that cellphone.

Somebody pretty smart, I don't remember who, said it this way, "You can't be happy until you want what you have."

[makeshiftriot]

People who think positively are more likely to be happy with what they have in their lives. They are less depressed and lead heather more fulfilled lives.

Optimism isn't gong to make the bad things that happen in your life go away, its not always going to solve life's sometimes unsolvable problems, and it isn't going to make you rich. That isn't the point.

The point is that no matter how bad thing are in you life there is always some one some where that is in a worse position.

Be thankful for what you have and be happy in the knowledge that its not as bad as it could be.

[JackWhistle]

Sun Tzu doesn't make room for pessimism. Good moral is necessary for all campaigns, regardless of size and scope.

[drdankan]

I have an add on to Russel's words: "My experience has shown me that no matter where you are, what you have endured, or what your current level of circumstance, you can almost always do something to improve the quality of your experience, even if you can't do much about the quantity of it"

The add on is simply that to improve the quality of your circumstances requires that you give up the self evaluation process based on what you accomplish or don't accomplish and adopt the USA (coined by the late Albert Ellis) Unconditional Self Acceptance. In other words if you stop putting conditions on everything you do and accept yourself for just being human, you gain an immesurable amount of freedom. Ellis wrote over 100 books and essays and was the founder of Rational Emotive Therapy. Following his simple concept and stop "musterbating" about what you have to accomplish takes you out of the trap of getting more "quantity" to living a satisfied life. Or you can continue to play the poor me and bitch about how bad life is and why things don't work for you.

[Pettit]

Invite a state of presence to everything you do.

Become one with the situations, don't resist them.

Let decisions come from a peaceful place.

by Eckhart Tolle

[HarryinOR]

Positive thinking just doesn't work without ACTION. Sorry for the cap attack, however, people must follow-up positive thinking with positive action. It doesn't always result in success, and yes, no matter how hard I try, some things in life will elude me. That's just the way it is. Part of being successful is dealing with failure. I personally am not a big fan of self-help books or seminars. That said, I do realize that I am sometimes too pessimistic or negative. I often think that if you really are paying attention to the world, you can't help but feel pessamistic or negative at times. But I have to make the decision to try to be positive and while I sometimes fail, I simply try to keep going. Self-awareness and the ability to objectively guage your own attitudes and actions is very hard and sometimes painful. Sometimes we think only of the finish line and it looks too far away rather than viewing t it incrementally. I am not trying to preach here. I just know that I am always trying to balance my own expectations against my own attitude and actions. I am a work in progress.

[BaileyKay]

Good post, Harry.

[Paros]

I have been deliberately shifting my thinking towards the positive spectrum for a number of years. Perhaps the phrase "positive focus" would be more accurate. Many people confuse positive thinking with repressing all that is negative but that is far from accurate. Positive focus does not require denial of reality in fact it embraces the negative as well a positive but conscioiusly selects a focus on what can be done, can be achieved, can be good.

It would take an essay to write what dark things befell me in the period of 25 months but they included the death of my husband when our child was an infant, no insurance, no will, financial disaster, loss of business, severe damage to home via water damage and mold, severe illness due to reaction to medication, loss of health insurance, and more.

It has been a determination to shift to positive focus that has been the life saving force that has brought me through thus far.

[BaileyKay]

I am very sorry about all of the loss you have experienced recently. I like how you describe what you are doing to keep yourself moving forward through many obstacles as "positive focus." Good for you.

What you are doing to move forward makes sense, of course. What my posts are focused on instead is the popular trend I see with people who evangelize about positive thinking as prescribed in gimmicky books such as "The Secret," which endeavor to claim methodically and infallibly that positive thinking = positive results and when things go wrong, such as what you have gone through, it is due to your wrong thinking. Though there are elements of truth in this approach, the book and its many adherents lack nuance and grace. It's an uncharitable point-of-view oftentimes, with an unintended "blame the victim" outcome, and an inelegant view of life goals. From reading your touching post, I am doubting that you are among these obsessive positive thinkers to whom, I believe some of the posters here refer.

I wish you the very best in healing from the many traumas you've been through. Good luck.