Still 69
Ok
I know
I am older now
I can feel it in my face
I want to look young to you
Always
Or is it
I want to be desirable to you
Always
Or is it
I
Realize
I
Am
Aging
And
I've always looked young for my age
And
That is changing.
Into Year 70
Sundown tonight marks the beginning of tomorrow.
Sometime early that October morning my mother stopped screaming
(as she felt compelled to tell me hundreds of times)
and my birthing yelps took over.
I don't remember of course.
I do know it is getting late.
I survived 68
the age my father was when he died
and the death of my mother this last year at 95.
On to 70.
10/21/10
This today
is a day
like any other.
Crisp October Autumn leaves
warm up to mid-day's high
their irregular oranges
proud in the sun.
Two poached eggs
out
gets me going.
Jewish custom begins
at sunset
the night before.
Erev.
This day is half done.
For the first time
this year
no early morning call
from Mom.
Last year was the last
before we lost her in November.
I knew it then
saving her last birthday card.
I miss her voice today.
This today
like any other
requires vigilance
and mindful awareness
remembering the edge
between
feeling and thoughts
whose words,
when they have their way,
spiral
into unwanted stories.
Remember
to breathe.
Imagining
Imagining
I might die at 68
as my father
I made it to 69.
So look around.
There is water and food.
Work to do.
Love to make.
Children to honor.
Friends to cherish.
Quality of life.
Reaching now to seventy
I wonder how
and when
everything happened.
Already.
On this day
like any other
one-of-a-kind day,
this day
living begins
life continues.
November, 2010
A cold front is coming
Ice from the West
Still basking in high altitude sun
The darkening clouds
Prepare the transition
From brunch to Mom's unveiling
Absent any comprehension
How the weather works.
Dec. 16th
Packing
Homemade cranberry sauce
At dawn,
Sipping Americano
She drove to St. Joe's
And lo and behold
Less than 36 hours
After inserting
One heavy metallic hip
He was walking
Well.
Our country is in dissolution.
Little miracles
Like this
Happen every day.