Following the premiere of this season of the Bachelorette, featuring American's favorite Canadian lovelorn reality semi-star, Jillian Harris, Stefani and Ryan went 10 rounds as we formed Fantasy teams of the remaining 20 bachelors.
The point system used is below. Track our teams every week as we liveblog every episode. The 10 players on each team were selected following a coin flip. Below is our teams, in the order we picked them, and our rationale.
TEAM RYAN - First Pick - Jesse
I went with Jesse first because he's a wine-maker, which is, if I'm not mistaken, the ultimate Bachelor profession. The "Aspiring Canadian" T-shirt was a nice touch, and I think he's easy on the eyes, for what that's worth.
TEAM STEF - First Pick - Ed
He was one of "the new 5." Forget the "old 25"; yesterday's news. Ed looks quite different from the other men and I think Jillian was just relieved she could tell him apart. He's also a technology consultant, meaning he can program her iPod. Any kind of consultant job translates into "I make a lot of money for telling people what they should probably already know."
TEAM RYAN - Second Pick - Juan
Didn't expect Juan to be available at third overall. Come on. He's Argentinian. I'm pretty sure the female viewers of the Bachelorette would revolt if he didn't at least make the finals.
TEAM STEF - Second Pick - Jake
This man gave her his wings five seconds after stepping out of the limo. I believe the wings were a sentimental gift given to him by an important male figure in his life and he just handed them over. He also represented himself as a version of an under-achiever because all the men in his family are doctors. He's a freaking pilot!
TEAM RYAN - Third Pick - Wes
Wes was a no-brainer at this position - though personally, I don't care for him at all. Getting drunk and whipping out the guitar? So freshman co-ed dorm. Looked like Jill thought so too - I could've sworn that was a stink face. Turns out, she loves country music. Why? Who knows, but Wes is a welcome member of Team Ryan.
TEAM STEF - Third Pick - David
His tan day suit threw me off but he does have those crystalline eyes, which I'm sure are very intriguing in person. Sort of like Christopher Walken, I suppose. He was given the First Impression rose after blowing Jillian away with his conversational skills.
TEAM RYAN - Fourth Pick - Julien
Julien was another of the guys who thought better of wearing a tie, which is a warning flag for me. I'm also concerned about the age (34?) but restaurateur is above decent and Jillian seemed to like him. Which makes me wonder. At what age is it socially acceptable to think -" hmmm, that person is getting a little old not to be married. I wonder what's wrong with him or her?" I don't have the answer, but then again, I never do.
TEAM STEF - Fourth Pick - Kiptyn
He's from California, has nice teeth, is a business developer and most likely made up his name. I would say he's the most Jason-like. I also remember him being very calm and refraining from doing anything too weird. That deserves a rose in my book.
TEAM RYAN - Fifth Pick - Mark
Mark was one of those guys that should've been picked first or second - he had that just-cute-enough-not-to-be-lame pizza game and he's a good looking fellow. My worry is that he was largely anonymous, I mean, we somehow forgot about him until after Kiptyn!
TEAM STEF - Fifth Pick - Mike
He is this show's McDreamy. ABC's The Bachelorette is pretty confident, but I'm pretty sure if it could trade places with any show for one day, it would be with Grey's Anatomy. Mike looks like a menacing soap star so I'm sure Jillian will fall in love with him and find out some dastardly secret.
TEAM RYAN - Sixth Pick - Sasha
Sasha, the oil-man from Texas, was featured in the early parts of the show, which is always a good sign to me - why waste screen time on someone who won't last? ABC knows better than that.
TEAM STEF - Sixth Pick - Michael
Jillian was clearly very impressed with Michael's sub-par break dancing skills. We may never know why, but when he had that "dance-off", she lit up. She was probably grateful something was keeping her awake during hour 3 of the meet and greet.
TEAM RYAN - Seventh Pick - Robby
Robby is the bartender from Houston, who claimed, ridiculously, that he'd "make her a cocktail" when they got in. All I saw were pints of pilsner. Needless to say, I don't expect much from him.
TEAM STEF - Seventh Pick - Tanner F.
I could not understand what he was saying half of the time and his lime green button down gave me the heebie geebies. However, Jillian still gave him a rose and I'm dying to find out why. I mean, come on, he's in sales for cryin' out loud!
TEAM RYAN - Eighth Pick - Mathue
Now it's getting into slim pickings. I literally choose Mathue just for the cowboy hat - which, again, personally, I think it's f-ing stupid. But, hey, I'm not Jillian.
TEAM STEF - Eighth Pick - Brad
He's from Park Ridge, IL. This is where I always see second run movies and eat ice cream. If he makes it into the top four, Jillian will no doubt fall in love with his hometown and the fact that his parents have the mad cash it takes to pay taxes there.
TEAM RYAN - Ninth Pick - Tanner P.
Tanner P. was a guy I wanted to make sure I got as soon as he got a rose. Will Jillian pick him? Absolutely not. While I have nothing against foot fetishes, it is a highly polarizing trait. The odds are not with him - but I love that I can root for him and his toe-worshiping ways.
TEAM STEF - Ninth Pick - Brian
He called himself "a red neck from Alabama" when another guy was speaking to Jillian about traveling throughout France. I don't know. To me, she had to see something in him because it sounded like he was trying to do the opposite of impressing her.
TEAM RYAN - Tenth Pick - Reid
I don't remember a thing about this guy. But I definitely didn't want British Lurch.
TEAM STEF - Tenth Pick - Simon
When Jillian becomes a princess and lives in a magical castle by the sea, she will need a British Lurch to call on her guests. Plus, which woman doesn't want an excuse to "have" to spend half of her year in England?
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How will we know who's winning? They'll be amassing points based on the following values:
4 points - Make-Out/Stay the Night
3 - Rose before the Rose Ceremony
3 - Crying
3 - Verbal/Physical Altercation
3 - 1 on 1 Date
2 - Rose
2 - Group Date
2 - Drunkenness (must be confirmed in someway, i.e. someone says "he's drunk")
1 - Their words Bleeped out by ABC
1 - Claims to be "Falling in Love/In Love" with Jillian
1 - Claims to "Have Connection" with Jillian
1 - Quick/Cheek kiss
1 - Someone else claims "He's Here For the Wrong Reasons"
Confused? So are we. Check in every Monday - we'll figure it out.