It's almost Veteran's Day, so I wanted to share a story about my boyfriend Steve, a Navy vet.
A few years ago, Steve and I were napping -- OK, we were in a nacho-induced coma -- when I heard a grinding sound coming from my kitchen. I jostled Steve awake. "Do you hear that?" I said. "Mmm hmmm," Steve said, rolling over and resuming his nap. I elbowed him awake. "Go see what it is," I said.
Now, this was a fair division of labor, as Steve is a large, take-charge guy, whereas I am a coward. He obligingly got up and trundled, naked, toward the kitchen. The grinding got louder and more insistent.
"Grrrraaa Grrraaaa Graaaaaa," said the sink.
I peeked out from behind Steve and wondered if, all this time, I'd had a garbage disposal and not known it.
Black water began gurgling up from the sink. Then, something wiggly and thin began poking out of the drain. It grew longer and longer, and began thwapping around, splattering my walls and the nacho leftovers with a viscous black substance.
Acting quickly to save the snacks, Steve grabbed the thing and yanked. "Hey," he said. "Stop!"
After a long battle, Steve defeated what turned out to be a plumbing snake. A plumber knocked at my door, and explained that he was trying to clear the adjacent apartment's pipes of a clog. "I guess your drains are connected," he said with a shrug. I handed him some Windex and a roll of paper towels and demanded he clean my kitchen. Sadly, the nachos couldn't be saved.
It's times like these that you learn who you really are. In an emergency situation, I discovered that I am a natural leader -- the person who boldly steps up, makes a plan, and delegates the dangerous job to someone else.
That, or I just save myself.
A few years prior to the plumbing snake attack, I was asleep in that same apartment, but with a different boyfriend, a skinny Washington Post editor we'll call Ed. It wasn't long after 9/11, so when I was startled awake by a sound like a building collapsing, I knew I had to think fast.
Why Al Qaeda would target my shabby, 200-unit apartment building, I don't know. What was clear, however, was that I had to get out immediately. So I leaped over my still sleeping boyfriend, wrapped myself in a blanket and ran out the door.
As I stepped into my hallway, naked except for that blanket, my mistake became clear. The building wasn't falling down, but a livid man in a bathrobe was systematically bashing in my neighbor's door. I tiptoed back into my apartment and climbed back into bed with Ed, who hadn't stirred.
In retrospect, perhaps I should have confronted my hammer-wielding neighbor or called the police. I should at least have given Ed a courtesy shove as I fled to safety during the imaginary building collapse.
After many hours of self-reflection, I'm proud to say that I probably would wake up my boyfriend if that situation happened again, but let's be honest about why. You want your large military-trained boyfriend around during a terrorist attack. A nerdy newspaper editor, on the other hand, is just going to slow you down.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.