People get really discouraged when they've dated a few people here and there and still can't find anyone who is "right" for them, or when something goes awfully wrong in what was supposed to be the perfect relationship.
Well, here's a list of important reminders we tend to forget when we get lonely, lack a love life, are tired of dating, are in the process of breaking up, or see our exes moving on past us.
1) Relationships only get better. As you grow and evolve the people you date and partner with should reflect that growth, and therefore be better and healthier than the past ones.
2) Dating helps you learn about what you like or don't like, want or don't want, and most importantly need or don't need from a partner and a relationship. It's a learning experience that sometimes will not work out, but it doesn't mean it wasn't worth it. Every person teaches us a lesson on some scale and no matter how a relationship ends, it's always an incredible experience. They don't say it's better to have loved and lost than not loved at all for no reason.
3) Another person is not meant to fill a void. Loving someone else, deeply, or being in a committed relationship is not something that is meant to fill a void. As I've said once before, having someone else love you doesn't rescue you from the project of loving yourself. Two people come together as wholes to create something bigger -- two better, more powerful, stronger whole individuals. They don't come together to complete each other, only to complement one another.
4) Never settle. I know it can get lonely but never settle and waste your time. Otherwise, you are doing an injustice to yourself and your potential. Be smart, know your worth and be selective. Why would you want to have it any other way?
5) Not being in a relationship doesn't mean you are missing out. If you aren't seeing someone, take the time to know yourself, love yourself and focus your time on all of the things you have less time for when in a relationship -- friendships, career, hobbies, sleeping, Netflix binging etc. Love will come when it is meant to come, but waiting is a waste of time.
6) Love is meant to be intentional. Don't allow yourself to fall into patterns or habitual behaviors that you think equates love just because you are lonely or, for a lack of a better word, desperate. Love is a beautiful and intentional act and should only be given and taken very deliberately between individuals.
7) Timing is everything. There's more than one person right for you but timing is everything and not something you can control. Going back to point number 1, we meet people at certain times in our lives for certain reasons. It's always worth it if you shared a deliberate, intentional relationship with another person. Always.
8) There's a lot of people out there so don't worry, you will find someone. I honestly and sincerely believe this to be true for everybody. But it's not a waiting game, in the mean time are you your best self for when that person comes along?
Have faith. It's only getting better from here.
This post originally appeared on A Quarter Life Crisis Blog
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