Remembering Kurt Cobain: A Spirit That Lives On

Friday, February 20, 2009, marks the 42nd birthday of Nirvana rock legend Kurt Cobain. 15 years after Cobain's death, we know his memory continues to touch lives when a guitar he once smashed the hell out of recently sold for $100,000 at an auction.

I have to be honest, Kurt was a pretty important part of my life once. He was something of an inspiration for me during my disaffected and cynically idealistic youth. Not because he was an icon or wrote platinum albums but because of his brilliance in seamlessly channeling the youthful angst and rebellion of a generation into timeless sonic waves.

No singer since Robert Plant could match his wail and few in history have had his mesmerizing stage presence. More importantly, few musicians embodied my sentiments during that period of my life like Kurt did. I can hardly quantify how much Nirvana I listened to in high school. As a budding guitarist and vocalist who loved punk rock and grunge in high school, he carried many qualities I admired. In some ways I viewed myself as a less talented and less extreme version of him. Looking back, I'll never forget the lessons I learned from him.

I don't blame Kurt for his drug addiction and self-destruction. He had psychological problems that dated back to his early childhood and medicines and drugs represented a shelter from those problems since a very young age. He was disillusioned by his idealism and felt every moment and every emotion much more deeply than nearly all of us. Of course, the problems only compounded as time went on, as did his need for escape.

It took me a while before I came to terms with the coexistence of his talent and his many, many personal problems. I used to think some were born with greatness, and experienced life on a purely different level. It took me till after high school to fully realize that this isn't the case. We're all just people; where we have strengths, we have compensating flaws and vice versa. Some people have incredible strengths, but they all have equally significant flaws.

That's part of the problem with society and popular culture. We're quick to immortalize and deify individuals who possess certain traits we admire. It's because we yearn for idols and want people to look up to. But behind those traits are many things we're better off without, and we tend to ignore those. Kurt's musical talents were paled in comparison to suicidal tendencies, his profound discontentment for life and his inclination toward self-destruction. Was it worth it?

Not to Kurt. All he wanted was to be a normal guy who wasn't so dissatisfied with the world. We would probably never know who Kurt was if that were the case, and my childhood experience would have been somewhat different without any Nirvana records in my collection. But that's what he wanted, which shows he cared nothing for the fame and hollow adoration he received. That's what helped me realize this. Thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, idolized him and he hated it. He knew that with all his flaws and problems, he was no idol. He wrote songs expressing his contempt for the people who raved about his music but didn't understand it, and didn't understand him.

I learned through Kurt Cobain that there's a dark side to every light, and a silver lining to every cloud. He significantly shaped views on pop culture (before Thom Yorke, Noam Chomsky and a few others helped seal them) and gave me the insight to see how shallow and vacuous the world of glamour and celebrity-dom is. More importantly I learned not to get sucked in to the notion of immortalizing anyone and instead be critical of people's flaws while learning from their strengths, especially those that are glorified by the media. Chances are that you and I have some qualities they secretly (or non-secretly) envy too.

Kurt once said "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not" -- words that have stuck with me and always will.

Shine on, you crazy diamond. Happy birthday.

Comments

[jon-e]

I'm just a bit confused. The post starts off by drooling over Cobain as someone who "felt every moment and every emotion much more deeply than nearly all of us". Sahil also seemingly excuses Cobain's addictions and suicide as a justifiable escape for the difficulties he faced early in life. Then moments later we're meant to believe that the lesson you learned from him is that society unrealistically deifies our celebrities and elevates their persona to impossible heights? Based on your reverence for Cobain's supposed otherworldly ability to experience his surroundings in ways that we can't, I don't think you've really learned all that much about worship and its varied pitfalls.

Cobain was just a guy. Just like any artist, or any person, he didn't necessarily feel anything more profoundly than your or I. He was just depressed, like so many others, and he happened to be gifted with more talent than most. After struggling through life to achieve something that would erase the pain, he finally came out on the other side of success and found that everything still hurt just as bad when he started. The difference between a depressed artist and depressed person is that the artist is able to express their pain.

I think it's great to respect someone, but we can value a person, in life or in death, without bowing down to some imagined qualities that are any more real than our own.

[Sahil Kapur - Huffpost Blogger]

I certainly agree with your last sentence. Kurt's depth of emotion was an artistic strength but also his personal downfall. We admire his musical capabilities and the empathy he had for others, but not his fame or star status -- which many envy in and of itself without understanding what was behind it. The media deified Cobain for the superficial things, which led him further into depression and disillusionment with society. All in all, we should recognize his good qualities while being cognizant of the perils that came with them.

[Zebro]

Cobain, Shannon Hoon, and Layne Staley are all GIGANTIC losses to music and culture.

But at least they burned bright before they were lost.

[DrJohnnySkeptic]

That crazy diamond is Syd Barrett, not Kurt Cobain.

[phantom5551]

"He significantly shaped views on pop culture before Thom Yorke, Noam Chomsky and a few others helped seal them"

could someone please explain this to me...and specifically how either of these guys did anything before chomsky

and i am huge nirvana fan by the way, so don't think i am bashing kurt.

[blee3ee]

I think all his songs combined is one huge suicide note. The more famous he got the worse his mental disorder got. The more people wanted to sue him, the more journalists wrote bad things about him and his family the more disconnected from reality he got.

He was very close to ruling the 90s for music and obtaining Beatles like status, but it's like a Phoenix that burns until it dies, he kept getting hotter and closer to death as it prolonged. Create a time machine if you will but the only way to stop Kurt's suicide is to stop his fame and without fame people won't care much for him right?

3 of his uncles suicided, he had the disorder from birth. And his environment made it worse, nature vs nurture. Without insanity there is no genius, Kurt's depression and inteligence and his affinity for Buddhism lead him on a path of creating the perfect arrangement of notes as well as the most convincing thoughts of suicide any of us could have if we were in his body.

It all came together and could not have been any other way. What's sad is most brilliant musicians of the last century died by accident. Kurt was arguably at the top and took his life. I wish more was done to stop it and I wish he got more help. His last decision was for us to forget about him and pretend he never existed so I will honor that

[ohioan73]

I was 20 when Kurt died and although I was a R & B/hip-hopper, I used to buy all Nirvana's CDs. I lived in the inner city and the first time I heard the beginning chords of "Come As You Are", I almost died.

It was only after I went to college the next year and suffered my first ever bout of Depression as a freshman that I really was able to look back at the Grunge era and understand it. Kurt's disheveled appearance was not a costume, he really just didn't care what he looked like. With all that superficial cr@p stripped away, he could put his whole heart and soul into those songs. He suffered for his music and he was cool enough to share it with the world even though he was against everything that made his music accessible to a black girl in the hood on the east coast--MTV. Kurt is very loved and very missed.

Great. Now you got me playing "About a Girl" and I'll be on a Nirvana binge all day thanks to this article.