1) Right Wing Pundits: Obama could find a cure for cancer and Karl Rove would say that he didn't find it fast enough, Monica Crowley would say he didn't cure EVERY cancer, and Dick Morris would predict that he didn't really cure cancer, and that it is Hillary Clinton's fault that cancer ever existed.
2) Weather Forecasters during Crappy Weather: What are they going to say that you don't already know? It's hot,it's cold, it's snowing? I know that already. Tell me how to get your gig, one where you can be wrong that often and still ask for a raise.
3) Any Reality TV Show Personalities With the Words "Bachelor", "Bachelorette", or "Jersey" to describe them: Unless you are high and watch these toilets with people in them for a laugh, you desperately need a new hobby, say dumpster diving.
4) George Stephanopolous: George could be interviewing the BTK killer, and he would close with "Thank you for taking the time to be here." Does he find ANYONE repugnant? Ann Coulter? James Dobson? The Burger King king?
5) Jennifer Aniston/Kate Hudson: They are lovely and talented, but you cannot mathematically measure how little I care who they sleep with. They're single, they're rich, they're beautiful. A big news story would be if they WEREN'T getting laid.
6) Mel Gibson:Unless we're invaded by extraterrestrials, Gibson has run out of people to hate, so let's hope that he fades away or goes to jail in a lockdown with Hispanic drug lords and is gang tattooed.
7) Conan O'Brien: He has a career people only dream about, loses his job and walks away with tens of millions, and is bitching about it. Why doesn't he do a live concert in front of Gulf Coast shrimpers about his tough run of luck? See?
8)Lindsay Lohan: You're young, you're a heavy drinker, you're pantieless, and your career is in tatters. I'm surprised Lindsay the milkaholic didn't sue YOU.
9)LeBron James: You have not won a championship,and yet you're being courted like you have. What will happen to you in three years if you still haven't snagged a ring? Local fans will be wearing "LeSuck" tee shirts, that's what.
10) Michael Steele: This guy can't say hello without screwing it up. One day he sounds heartless, one day he sounds clueless, one day he sounds witless, the trifecta of duh. He said he's not resigning. Perfect. Let's all watch the GOP disemploy yet another black man. Who are they going to get to give him the two weeks notice? I hear Mel Gibson isn't busy.
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