Despite tremendous career accolades---six-time NBA Champion, seven-time NBA All-Star, three-time All-NBA First Team selection, eight-time NBA All-Defensive First Team selection and one of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History---Scottie Pippen struggled to find a consistent cash flow after the Bulls dynasty came crumbling down.
After failing to succeed athletically in Houston, Portland, Finland and in his circus-style return to the Bulls, Pippen decided to try his hand at other aspects of life. But after realizing that being a studio analyst or an assistant coach wasn't exactly his cup of tea, Scottie packed up his things, returned to the Windy City and made the decision to because a salesman. The product? Miller Lite.
Alright ... maybe not. But don't Pip and Claude the Comiskey Park beer vendor look like they were separated at birth?
I first saw Claude as a starry-eyed 11-year-old back in the 2000 season. As you can imagine, hilarity ensued. I knew that Pippen was no longer a member of the Bulls after former GM Jerry Krause tore the franchise apart, but there was no way that No. 33 was wearing a neon shirt and selling brews to regular ol' joes at the ballpark. Still, the wanna be heckler inside squirmed out and I let out a irrevocable shout.
"SCOTTTTTIE!"
The Sox fans in attendance that weren't familiar with Claude immediately peered around hoping to see the hardwood hero in the stands catching some of America's pastime. Little did they know Pippen's dead ringer look-alike would be carting around 12 ounce bottles of beer for $5.50 a pop. Like the seventh inning stretch or the wave during a blowout, soon everyone joined along, much to the dismay of poor Claude.
"SCOTTTTTIE!"
You could see the steam spouting out of his ears and the eyebrows elevating, because truthfully, Claude is no different than you or me. He's a hardworking citizen that likely puts in way too many hours at the office just like millions of Americans. Lo and behold, working in Chicago, the city that Pippen helped put on the sports map, is the worst-case scenario for this poor guy. There wouldn't be a problem in Boston or Los Angeles or Miami, yet fate would have it that he would be stuck in Chicago, one of the worst cities in the world when it comes to giving players a hard time, let alone beer vendors.
Still, Claude is there almost every home game and has been for what seems like an eternity. And while some vendors have built camaraderies with season ticket holders over the years, Claude has never been a friendly figure. He's always too angry to have side conversations and his always-bitter facial expressions just make the fans laugh even harder. But I can't imagine trying to earn a paycheck when thousands of drunk Chicagoans constantly yell out "What happened Pip?!" or the infamous "SCOTTTTIE!" in seemingly every aisle. Claude deserves a Man of the Year award. He really does. I'm almost positive I would have killed someone if I were in his shoes.
Earlier this season, I took in a game with a few of my buddies and we continued the charade. It's really not funny anymore and it's aged Claude horribly, but it's tradition at White Sox games. You locate the lost Pippen kin and give him crap for an inning, then you go back to the ballgame. It's such a regularity that people don't even realize they're doing it. Even I'm guilty.
Every time I see Claude, I want to refrain from being the 8,000th person to yell "SCOTTTTIE!" but it just seeps out anyway. It's instinct. And I kinda, sorta feel bad about it. But then laughter erupts from the next row over and others catch on and pick up where I left off. It's a vicious cycle. Yet, somehow, someway, Claude channels his obvious rage and uses it to fuel his infuriated sales pitch.
"GET YO MILLA LITE!"
Like the ceremonial first pitch, the decibel rocking riff of AC/DC's Thunderstruck and fireworks after a home run, Claude is a part of the atmosphere at Comiskey Park. And through all the BS for the past 10 seasons or so, he still hasn't been admitted to an insane asylum or been convicted of a triple homicide. His tolerance is simply unbelievable.
Kudos Claude.