Have you ever wondered how it will be, if and when, you meet your boyfriend's ex? Have you wondered the right things to say, the right things to do and how to act?
I am a Professional Matchmaker and here's what I know...
1. You can be nice. Keep in mind that you have him right now, she doesn't, so there is no reason to be snippy.
2. Sizing her up will get you nowhere. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for chemistry. If you are scratching your head in disbelief that he was into her and now he's into you, don't bother, you will never be able to figure it out.
3. Don't do the old contrast and compare because chances are, this will just make you feel insecure. Just feel confident about who you are and the connection that the two of you are having in the present.
4. If you feel a little jealousy about his connection to her or the fact that another woman knows him as well as you do, that's okay. Feeling jealous and/or insecure is natural, but don't let it send you into a funk and just ride out the evening; it will end soon enough.
5.Be prepared for some reminiscing and some inside jokes. This does not mean that they have a more special bond than the two of you have; it just means that when they were together, they did have some fun times and are bound to talk about them.
6. Don't get thrown if she is a little snide or tries to act like she knows more about him than you do. Keep in mind that if she dated him for a long time or a longer time than you have, she might in fact know more about him than you do. However, this doesn't matter because you are with him now and as you go forward in the relationship, you will have plenty of time to learn all the things she knows about him and then some.
7. If you are seeing her at an event where your guy's friends might be in attendance, don't get upset if they know her and are nice to her at the party. This does not mean they like her better than you, it just means that they know her and are being courteous.
8. Don't get upset if your boyfriend acts a little weird or odd or different in the situation. Keep in mind that it is very awkward for him to be standing with the girl with whom he is currently having sex and the one with whom he used to have sex.
9. Don't dwell on the situation afterwards or pick a fight. There is no reason to let her affect your current situation with him. The evening has already passed; let bygones be bygones.
10. After seeing them together, if you have any real doubts about whether or not it is truly over between them and/or whether or not, something between the two of you is genuine, make sure to have this discussion with him in a calm and more casual manner. You don't want it to blow up in your face just because you are feeling a little insecure or jealous.
Samantha Daniels is a well known professional matchmaker, President of Samantha's Table Matchmaking and the author of Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker" (Simon & Schuster). You can read more from Samantha on her personal blog, Matchmaker in the Know.
Follow Samantha Daniels on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Matchmakersd