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Samantha Daniels

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Matchmaker in the Know: Advice for Vienna, Tenley and Ali on ABC's The Bachelor

Posted: 02/24/10 10:50 AM ET

Have you ever wondered what the girls on The Bachelor are doing wrong and how one of them will really close the deal with Jake?

Here's what I know...

The girls should have spent more time singing their own virtues rather than trashing Vienna. Jake had a thing for Vienna all the way through the show. This should have been evident to the other girls simply because even after everyone trashed her to Jake, he still never sent her home. At some point, the other girls needed to realize that their time would be better spent focusing on how to make Jake fall in love with each one of them rather than trying to make him hate Vienna.

Ali was the most clueless of all when it came to understanding how and why Jake was connecting with the other women. Ali wasted time and made herself look like a fool by obsssing over how it could be possible that Jake was interested in her at the same time as being interested Vienna. Perhaps, Ali,at 25, was too young to understand that chemistry is an intangible and a person can feel it with many types of people.

Ali made a major faux pas leaving the show because of her job. No one's job, especially not one held by a 25 year old would ever be that important that someone would risk losing the love of their life. And what man is going to take a girl back who leaves him on national TV? A guy has his pride. The real question is was Ali the one who was getting sent home anyway and the show just staged or exaggerated the whole "work thing" to add drama to the show?

The girls should spend some time fixing the "missing link" between each one of them and Jake. For example, Vienna should realize that her sexual chemistry with Jake is not the issue and she should spend more time trying to connect intellectually and emotionally with him than getting into his bed. And, Tenley should realize that the sex is the big question mark for Jake with regard to her and she should be thinking about to putting out and fast!

The girls should be sizing up the competition and making sure that they let Jake know that whatever the other girl is bringing to the table, that she too has those same virtues. For example, it's clear that Jake likes Tenley because she has old fashioned values and seems very family oriented, so Vienna should be finding ways of letting Jake know that even though she is sarcastic and flirty, that she too has smalltown values. Just the same, Tenley should be sizing up Jake's connection with Vienna and she should be letting him know that she is a sweet, good girl but she can also be playful and fun.

The girl's should be asking Jake a lot more questions about who HE is as a person and about his values and virtues since they are thinking about spending the rest of their lives with him. Jake has been asking a lot of questions of the girls but they haven't been doing the same. The girls have been getting really caught up in winning, the drama and the chemistry. Now it's time to ask Jake some of the real questions on their minds like what life will really be like after the cameras and the hoopla is gone. It's better to know upfront if your ideals and values really mesh than find out later on when it's too late.

The girls should be suspect of a man who says he has fallen in love with 3 women at the same time. Love just doesn't come that easily. Sure, Jake can be lusting after all the women, but love is not a feeling to be thrown around so loosely. The girls should be asking about the depth of his feelings for each one of them because if he can "fall in love" so easily and with so many women, how do they know that he won't fall "out of love" just as quickly???

Samantha Daniels is a well known Professional Matchmaker, President of Samantha's Table Matchmaking and the author of Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker (Simon & Schuster).

 

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