People in relationships and people who are married spend a lot of time talking about what they want in their relationship and what they want their partner to do and not do. The things they want usually fall into the category of things they "would like to have," like more sex or a new house. It seems that they spend very little time thinking about what they really need; what characteristics fall under basic necessities for their relationship to work. It's important to realize that if you don't have certain key ingredients in your relationship, you will ultimately find it difficult to sustain while also respecting yourself, your needs and your desires. Take a look at this list to see if your relationship measures up and think about what things you might want to alter to make it stronger...
1. Are you with someone who puts your needs before his or her own on things that are really important to you? Everyone wants what they want, when they want it. However, when you love someone, you need to compromise and, at times, choose to put his or her needs before your own.
2. Are you with someone who provides stability in the relationship and is willing to discuss the future, how you will live it together and both of your hopes and dreams? It's important to be with someone who isn't on the month to month plan, but who, instead, has an eye on the future and the life that you can build together. It's unsettling to be with someone who doesn't have his/her eye on the future because you are always on edge, thinking that on any given day, the relationship could change.
3. Are you with someone who is proud of you, impressed by you and thinks you're great? It's important to be with someone who is your biggest cheerleader; after all, if your partner doesn't think you're really terrific, who else is going to?
4. Are you with someone who shares your sadness when you are unhappy and wants to help you feel better? Life is not always easy and has a lot of ups and downs. You need to be with someone who knows that special way to get you out of your funk and can help you work through your upset.
5. Are you with someone who is patient with you, especially with the little things, because love for you keeps him or her from getting irritated with you? At times everyone can be a little difficult, but if somebody loves you, they need to be able to see beyond that and be patient with you.
6. Are you with someone who gets amused by you, instead of upset, when you do something silly? We all do things that we think are 'normal' but other people might not; your partner needs to support your silly even if he/she has a different brand of it.
7. Are you with someone who makes little gestures when you least expect it just because he or she to see you happy and smile? Happiness is one of the key ingredients in life. It should be of utmost importance to your partner that you are happy regularly.
8. Are you with someone who expresses how he or she feesl and gives you positive affirmation everyday? People tend to feel better about themselves when someone in their lives regularly reminds them how great they are and lets them know that they are loved. Your partner should be that person for you.
9. Are you with someone who comes up with fun things to do together, but who is open to doing anything with you, just so you can spend time together? It's common that two people in a relationship might not necessarily have all the same interests and hobbies. However, if you enjoy each other's company, you should want to spend time together regardless of what you're doing or where it is.
10. Are you with someone who considers you his or her best friend? Everyone has friends with whom they are close and with whom they share secrets and concerns. However, at the end of the day, your significant other is the person you are building your life with so he/she needs to be your main confidante and ultimately needs to be your person.
Samantha Daniels is a well-known professional matchmaker and relationship expert. She is the President of Samantha's Table Matchmaking, a bicoastal matchmaking service which caters exclusively to busy, successful professionals who have no trouble getting dates, but who have yet to find that one person with whom to spend the rest of their lives. She is also the author of "Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker" (Simon & Schuster). You can follow her on Twitter @Matchmakersd. You can also follow her on her Curator page on OpenSky, where you can get advice and picks for shopping from Celebrities.
Follow Samantha Daniels on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Matchmakersd
Follow Samantha Daniels on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Matchmakersd
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"The things they want usually fall into the category of things they 'would like to have,' like more sex... It seems that they spend very little time thinking about what they really need".
Ms. Daniels has no idea what people want versus need. For example, saying "more sex" is a "want" versus "need" is ridiculous and judgmental.
Good luck out there everyone.
I think the focus should be on people deciding for themselves what is a "want" and what is a "need", then that person effectively communicating that with other people they are interested in, if that's the way the person wants to go.
As far as the 10th (#9), I don't think it's necessary to do things that you don't enjoy doing "just to spend time together". Everyone needs time to pursue their own interests. Spending your time with someone who doesn't enjoy what you're doing is more likely to make you either feel guilty or cut your activity short. Eventually, you will just stop doing things you love that aren't a shared interest, and lose a part of yourself.