Have you ever wondered what a woman really wants from a man she is dating?
Here's what I know...
1. A woman wants a man to make her feel like a woman. This means that even if you are dating a powerhouse woman -- a CEO of a company, a notable woman or just a woman with a big and bossy personality -- she still wants to feel like the woman in the relationship with you being the man.
2. A woman wants a man to notice when she spent the time to look pretty. A lot of men think women pay attention to fashion, buy expensive shoes and spend time getting ready so that other women will notice. And yes, this is true but, at the same time, she actually cares more about dressing pretty for you, her guy. She needs you to notice and not just notice in your head but notice by telling her, out-loud and often.
3. In that same vein, a woman wants a man to compliment her and compliment her often. Women by nature are a little insecure about their looks especially when they are living in a big city where people place a lot of emphasis on beauty. Even if you are dating a truly beautiful woman, a woman who gets hit on by men all the time or even a model, she still needs and wants to be complimented. She needs to hear out-loud from you that you notice her and admire her. And, chose words like "sexy" or "beautiful" or "amazing"; women like words like this because they are bigger and make it seem like you really are thinking they look incredible at that particular moment. Stay away from bland and generic compliments like "you look nice" or "you look fine." And one compliment that most women really don't like is "you look cute"; she is not a puppy, she is a woman.
4. A woman wants a man to not take her for granted. Women need to feel appreciated. This means that you need to remember to notice little things that she does- if she goes to the store and tries to buy you your favorite coffee or if she hauls a 6 pack of beer home for you in the rain. Keep in mind that even if she chose the wrong type of coffee or bought a beer that you really don't like, you still need to thank her and commend her effort; if you don't, she will think twice before making any more efforts for you in the future.
5. A woman wants to feel that you care about pleasing her in the bedroom. Everyone knows that it's much easier for a man to be pleasured than a woman, however sex is better if both people enjoy themselves. Even if you had a long day, it's still important that you reciprocate in the bedroom. And you need to keep in mind that not all women are the same when it comes to what they enjoy sexually. Just because your "signature move" got the last girl crazy, doesn't mean that it will even faze this girl. You need to try hard not to make her feel self conscious or guilty if it takes her a little time to have an orgasm or for the two of you to get your groove on together in the bedroom. You need to want to find out what makes this woman tick and then do whatever it takes to make her happy. She is working hard to please you (or at least she should be), so you need to do the same.
6. A woman wants to feel like you want to get to know her specifically and that you don't just group her into the "female gender." A lot of men think all women are the same but the fact is that all women are very different; they all have very different likes and dislikes and ideas. Just like not all men love football or play golf or drink beer, not all women just like to shop, gossip and watch soap-operas. If you are interested in a woman, you need to see her for who she is and who she is not and figure out how to be in a relationship with the particular woman not just any woman.
7. A woman wants you to understand her stuff -- her insecurities and her childhood issues and work hard to make her feel safe and good in those areas. A surefire way to make a relationship crash and burn is to exploit her weaknesses and use insecurities about which she confided in you against her. A woman needs to know that you heard her explain why something upsets her, puts her in a bad mood or makes her feel insecure in the relationship and that you will try your very best not to do things that bring up those issues for her. A good relationship means understanding your partners insecurities and doing what you can to make her feel good in that area of the relationship even if you might think that some of her stuff is crazy, unusual or immature. Keep in mind that you are not issue-free and you would want the same of her.
8. A woman wants you to communicate with her when you are in a bad mood and it has nothing to do with her. Of course, everyone is entitled to be in a bad mood once in awhile but keep in mind that when your bad mood comes out of left field and when you snap at your gal and nitpick her every move, this can make her feel like your issue is with her, not your boss or your father. A woman needs you to reassure her that your moodiness is not going to result in your breaking up with her. A woman will be happier if you reassure her and ask her for a night of space than if you see her anyway, sulk and snap at her and make her all paranoid about the relationship.
9. A woman wants to know that you are proud of her and happy for her to meet people in your life. A lot of men think that if he introduces a woman to his friends, his colleagues or his family, that the woman will automatically assume that the relationship is very serious and that they are three steps away from getting engaged. This is a falsity. Women look at introductions to people in your life as recognition that she too is part of your life and it makes sense for people in your life to know each other. If you make these sorts of introductions, the only way they become a big deal to the woman is if you make it be a big deal. Keep in mind that if you say, "I want you to meet my best friend John but you are the only woman I have ever introduced to him," then of course she is going to think that this is a big deal. However, if you just introduce her to John because he is your friend and she is your gal, it will just be normal. Normal is good.
Samantha Daniels is a well known Professional Matchmaker, President of Samantha's Table Matchmaking and the author of Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker (Simon & Schuster).
Follow Samantha Daniels on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Matchmakersd
Follow Samantha Daniels on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Matchmakersd
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I deplore "gal". It sticks in my craw whether said by a man or worse another woman. Gal? I don't think so.
Not that I don't like nice heels and stockings myself, but the primary focus is on him and his pleasure. Some women are dominant, you know.
The two things I agree with are that every woman is different and women like good communication, but the latter might just be me happening to fall into your generalization by chance.
I am always hopeful that people can learn from their past experiences and apply those lessons to their future decisions. But with him? Sadly, I am less than hopeful.