Putting an End to Domestic Inequality, Once and for All

It's no news that most women like a tidy house, but I was taken aback by this week's survey results from the Working Mother Research Institute which showed that one of the primary concerns for mothers today -- both working and stay-at-home -- is how clean their house is.

Is this really the 21st century? Or are we still living in the 1950s?

In the survey, entitled "What Moms Choose: the Working Mother Report," co-sponsored by Ernst & Young, 55% of working moms and 44% of stay-at-home moms reported worrying about domestic dishevelment, while 42% of the working moms and 35% of the stay-at-home moms surveyed thought others judged them on their state of their homes.

Of all the top working mom concerns -- not taking care of yourself, not having enough time with your kids or your partner -- stressing out about not having a clean house was on the top of the list?

Unbelievable.

Let me add two more facts to the equation:

1. In the U.S. today, 71% of mothers with kids under the age 18 are part of the paid labor force.
2. Working mothers today do 2X the amount of housework as their working spouses (and 3X the amount of childcare).

What does that add up to? A lot of overwhelmed working mothers doing a disproportionate amount of the housework. (We'll discuss the uneven balance of childcare between mothers and fathers in a future post).

Sure, sure, you say -- the gap between the amount of time men and women spend on housework has narrowed over the past 40 years. But according to a recent study from Oxford University, men are unlikely to be doing an equal share of the vacuuming, dusting and washing up much before 2050.

Four more decades of domestic inequality is unacceptable. Now is the time to put the kibosh on this dreadful trend. And I'm not suggesting outsourcing the housework to a housekeeper. My suggestion is much more novel and conducive to TRUE liberation for womankind.

It's a two-fold approach:

1. Women, cede control: We women need to surrender control over our households -- what happens in the kitchen, how the laundry is folded, what kinds of cleansers we use to clean the bathrooms -- if we want our husbands and sons to take part in the housework. Sure, it might not be done the way the WE want it done, but the payoff in the long run will be worth it.
2. Men, model behavior: It's only when our SONS see their FATHERS cooking, cleaning and changing diapers that they, too, will begin to see these tasks as "men's work." Get your husband involved in the housework, and your sons will follow suit.

So women, in a communal effort to end domestic inequality, once and for all, give your husbands (and sons!) an apron, a spatula and a sponge, and let them rip! You might just be amazed at what they can do.

 

Follow Samantha Parent Walravens on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@nosuperwoman

Comments

[Nathan Hegedus]

03:09 PM on 10/27/2011

I really appreciate that you include the end of "gatekeeping" in there. Of course, men need to step up, but they need to feel safe doing it, and they need to be allowed to do it there way. There was just an article today in the leading Swedish newspaper that men and women should be splitting their parental leave almost 50-50 by the 2020s. Not bad. But it took decades of work. And we need to be laying that groundwork in the US now.

Dispatches from Daddyland
http://nathanhegedus.wordpress.com/

[Aprilcot26]

02:05 PM on 10/27/2011

I'm quite surprised by this as well. As a working mom, I'm much more concerned about spending time with my daughter than how clean my house is. If it's between playing with her, or doing the laundry, the laundry gets done later. My husband and I split duties; we *both* cook, we *both* change diapers, we *both* take out the trash. I don't think I could have married someone who would be content letting me do twice as much around the house. I also feel that anyone who judges me on the way my house looks doesn't deserve to come to my house (but I also have a very laid-back family and in-laws).

[SithRose]

03:31 PM on 10/27/2011

I'm not, because these are the men who have modeled their behaviors off their fathers - From a time when it was perfectly acceptable for the man to sit, watching TV, while his wife vacuumed and did the dishes. This is what they were taught, by and large. It is the rare man who had a father that did as much around the house as mother did, even for folks in their 20s and 30s.

It's still a holdover from agrarian societies where the men did the muscle work because they are generally physically stronger and the women did the housework because they were also watching the babies. These days, that's not necessary. It's incumbent on BOTH parents to teach their children differently.

(For example...In my household, Mom is more likely to fix a broken toilet than Dad. But Dad will be the one making the chili or the curry...Mom will make the stews and stir-fries. And the boys WILL clean the litter boxes and sinks and mirrors, with further chores as they get older.)

And my house is still a mess! :) Oh. Wait. I have small children. That's totally part of the bargain of having children.