Reader Secret Bisexual writes,
I just read your blog from the woman who found gay porn on her husbands laptop and my first thought was that I could tell the other side of that. I am a happily married man and I have the hidden bisexual porn.
I'm 35, and married 14 years. I love my wife more than I have words to describe. We have three kids under ten years old and a great sex life (on average 4 times a week). And our sex life is exciting. We have fun and spice it up in various ways.
But, for many years I have had the desire/fantasy to be with a man. Not just be with a man but, forgive me if this is too blunt, to give oral to a man. No one in particular, just a desire. I don't consider myself gay because I'm not attracted to men. I don't want to kiss or cuddle or have a relationship, I just desire to give oral.
When I read what the other wife said about how she would love for her husband to share that so they could enjoy it together, I almost couldn't believe it. I know how my wife would react: it would be the end of us. There is no way she would even accept me saying I want to try it.
The truth is, and I've never shared this, I have acted on it. I'm ashamed to say that but its true. I found myself in a situation awhile back were I could fulfill my desire in a safe manner and I did. I enjoyed it and on occasion still do. I hate myself for hiding it from my wife. I hate lying but I cant say anything. So, I watch a lot of bisexual porn. That's what arouses me. I wish I could share it with her.
I'd love for her to know and encourage. It is something that satisfies a desire I don't want to have but is there. What advice can you give me?
This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Order her book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family. Learn about Dr. Rodman's private practice here. This blog is not intended as diagnosis, assessment, or treatment, and should not replace consultation with your medical provider.