05/17/2015 10:38 am ET | Updated May 15, 2016

Should I Tell My Husband That His Old Emotional Affair Partner Is Single Again?

Reader All Heart writes,

I have a moral dilemma and it's bugging me. Last year my husband had an emotional entanglement with a woman who started as a friend who was going through a rough time in her marriage. It escalated until I demanded that he quit it. She was really needy and was getting too sexual in her messages. I found out that she has separated from her husband and I'm pretty sure my husband doesn't know. I hate knowing that other people are hurting and I think she might need a friend. Do I tell my husband? Do I encourage him to send her a message of support? I'm inclined to out of generosity but don't want the BS that she brought us last time.

pigeons-50005_640 why are you encouraging these potential lovebirds?

Dear AH,

As your moniker indicates: AAAH!  How about you also book them a couples massage? NO NO NO sirree, there is no obligation to have your husband re-contact a woman with whom he was at the very least on the verge of a possible emotional affair with!  Of course, there should also be no need to lie to him about her status, but when you tell him, reiterate that he should NOT contact her.

If this woman needs a friend, YOU can be the friend, if you're that good hearted, or, preferably, she can get any other friend on the planet that isn't you or the married man who almost got too emotionally involved with her.  Please think deeply about this issue and why you would put yourself in this position.  Do you want to test your husband?  Do you have some deep seated issues with being "good" and an overdeveloped sense of guilt?  Do you have the tendency to try and rescue people? Any of these are issues worth exploring more deeply, since most people would say the moral dilemma is whether or not to put Nair in the shampoo bottle of a woman who had an "emotional entanglement" with your husband, not whether or not to have him comfort her when she's newly single and vulnerable.

Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Also Why Not Send Him Lingerie Shopping With Her Now That She's Back On The Market?

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