Chris walks down the streets of his town
And Becca turns his frown upside down
She wears yellow and radiates serenity
Or maybe that's actually a halo of virginity
Chris and Becca recline and canoodle
She's very sweet, so I think he'll say toodle
Since as we know from seeing him with Britt,
He only likes ladies who pull dramatic s%&t.
Becca is behaving pretty sycophantically
Which leads Chris to lean in and kiss her romantically.
In the women's house, the drama is back.
Britt says she's leaving, is she on crack?
Britt cries and cries about being Chris's wife
Which shows she is a wackadoo in real life.
Carly tries to strangle herself with her own hair
Sadly enough I doubt Chris would care.
Britt's delusions become paranoid
If she leaves, Carly will be overjoyed.
Jade the porn star is wearing high socks
Even in a stupid outfit she is a fox.
At the ceremony, Chris starts his speech
And Britt sucks up the spotlight like a crazy leech
She asks to have a moment alone
In a very dramatic tone
Britt apologizes to Chris from the bottom of her heart
And he doesn't know what to say, since he's not smart
Whoa- he may be shooting her down!
Maybe Prince Farming isn't such a clown.
Holy moly Britt is done!
She may be crazy but she was fun.
She cries as loudly as she's able
But Chris is unmoved, since she's just too unstable
I guess Kaitlyn is now the front runner.
She is smart, friendly, and a stunner.
Thus I hope she is sent home
So she won't have to live where the buffalo roam.
Britt keeps crying hysterically for a change
But Chris doesn't go back out, because she is deranged.
Who else will Chris now send packing?
Carly, because her sexiness is lacking.
My husband says Carly was the most compatible with Chris
And I'm all like WTF are you even watching this??
Men don't understand reality TV
But at least he usually watches with me.
Now hometown dates begin
And we'll get more clues about which girl might win.
Chris and Becca kayak with joy
As she has never previously brought home a boy
He sits at dinner with all of her relations
The family is bigger than many small nations.
Chris gets along with these affable folks
They would be the type to laugh at his "jokes."
"She's not an intimate person," says Becca's bitchy sis
Who is so jealous she could nearabout piss.
Now Chris talks to Becca's momma bear
Who tells Chris not to touch any other women or beware
The undermining sister tries to get in Becca's head
And ensure that she doesn't take Chris to bed.
Chris steals Becca from her family's clutches
And on a Ferris Wheel they share lingering touches.
In the land of the fried gator
Chris may end up being a devirginator.
Next, Whitney welcomes Chris to Illinois
And they look like J Crew models full of joy
She brings him to her place of work
Which is ironic as she would leave her career for this jerk
"I make corn, I can't imagine what it would be like to make babies," Chris states
And we all hope that he really doesn't know how to procreate.
Chris asks Whitney for her family's blessing for marriage
And Whitney visualizes the baby carriage.
Whitney's family seems pretty great
Chris is thinking he wants her to be his mate.
Then her sister brings up the idea of the small town
What's up with all the sisters cutting the women down?
It's Whitney's choice if she wants to hitch her wagon to a fool
Her sister is definitely not acting cool.
Whitney's sister won't say she approves of Chris
And Whitney is extremely pissed.
Whitney says she loves Prince Farming
Everyone seems to, which is alarming.
Now Chris goes to Canada to a recording studio
His rapping is bad but it puts Kaitlyn in the mood-io
Kaitlyn says her feelings for Chris are scary
I couldn't agree more and hope they don't marry
Kaitlyn's family seems supportive while they are dining
Maybe they won't be horrible and undermining.
Kaitlyn's mom seems warm and kind
And genuinely is letting Kaitlyn make up her own mind.
Kaitlyn surprises Chris with a billboard
So she loves him too, Oh Lord.
Now Chris visits Jade the Playboy Bunny
She hasn't told him that yet though, so that should be funny
Jade's dad says she's "too much" for other guys
The brother calls her a "wild mustang" which "opens Chris's eyes."
It seems to be time to tell him about the nudes
But that could put a damper on the overall mood.
Jade tells her dad she's changed and loves Prince Farming
Her dad cries, which is sweet and charming
Jade starts to tell Chris she's posed nude
Let's see if Chris is a laid back dude.
She offers to show him the naked shots
Chris can barely look her computer and is blushing lots
Chris says it doesn't bother him if she has posed nude
Whatever he is, at least he's not a prude.
Jade is relieved and loves Chris even more
Now that he didn't call her a whore.
Rose ceremony, what do you know
I say Becca will be the one to go
Holy moly he eliminated Jade
Guess the nude pictures made him afraid.
A girl willing to model that way
Isn't going to be fulfilled by cows and hay
Moral of the story is:
Tell guys earlier about your nude photos, gee whiz.
Jade cries and seems really upset.
I think she'll meet a new man while her tears are still wet.
Jade cries attractively as she departs
And Chris goes back in to his remaining sweethearts.
Next week Chris takes the ladies to Bali
And I will continue to document this folly.
However, the hell if I will ever rhyme again
My life is not long enough to stay up past ten.
Till we meet again, I remain
The Blogapist Who Hopes You Didn't Think This Was Lame