When you are pregnant with your first baby it is an extremely exciting and somewhat scary time in your life. The unknowns are enormous, you know there will be a baby at the end of it all but that is about all you can be sure of. So what happens when you are the first of your friends, the first of your generation in the family to have a baby?
I had no siblings, cousins, friends or anyone I was close to going through this journey that is motherhood at the same time. No one to model what motherhood looked like. No one to tell me the truths; the real nitty-gritty, honest truths about being pregnant and being a mum. In my mind mothers wore button up blouses, tasteful pearls, had plenty of money, were emotional rocks and had the answers to everything... basically they had all their s**t together and it all came so easily to them.
So when I had my daughter at 25 I did what I could to resemble this restrained, mature woman I believed mothers to be. I completely changed the way I dressed, the shows I watched (all good mums are up to date with the news right? Even if Real Housewives is a far more appealing option) and wore little make-up. I even toned down my personality because mums aren't meant to be loud, funny and slightly inappropriate.
Essentially I completely lost myself. Not even by mistake, I intentionally lost myself so that I could be what a mother is.
This impacted every single facet of my life. My relationship for one. I was resentful because my partner's life stayed pretty much the same, he was the same, he looked the same, he walked in and out of the door the same. He grew resentful because I became a beige shell of the girl he met. My friendships. I felt like it was completely selfish and irresponsible to take even a lunchtime off from mummy duty and hang out. I pushed friends away because I didn't want them to see that I didn't always know what I was doing and I didn't have it together all the time.
It wasn't really until after my second child was about 3 months old and I was emerging from the new mummy haze that it really all clicked into place. I don't know what or how exactly but all of a sudden I had clarity. I felt great. I wanted to be me again. I actually spent some money on clothes for myself. I got my hair done. I painted my nails. I saw some friends (with kids in tow but hey, baby steps). I was funny again, I had personality, I was comfortable within myself and most importantly I believed in myself and my worth not only as a mother but as a person.
That is when my blog and passion for writing was born and why you are reading this right now, because I realized I had a story to share. I realized I actually had a voice to be heard and that I just needed to be honest. To be open. To be real. To be supportive. To uplift. To humanize. To make other people, especially mums, feel secure and confident in what they are doing and who they are. Those were the things I missed and craved the most when I became a mother.
I want mums to know that whoever you are, you have the right to be you. In fact your children NEED you to be you, whatever that may mean. Maybe you do like wearing pearls and watching the news, maybe you like to wear killer heels and red lipstick, maybe you like to dance around the house in a daggy t-shirt with holes in it, maybe you like to always be on the go in active wear exploring the outdoors or maybe you are all of these depending on your mood.
The bottom line is there is no right or wrong personality, sense of style or general interests that you need to have to be a mother. My kids and I have the best time when I'm being a totally immature kid singing stupid made up songs with my terrible voice and busting out some ridiculous uncoordinated dance moves. We laugh at burps and farts, we choose Octonauts and The Wiggles over news and documentaries, some days we love wearing beautiful outfits and other days we stay in pj's all day and don't shower. My kids couldn't care less if I 'look like' a mother. All they want is a happy, healthy mum who loves them, is there for them, to protect and guide them. There is no better way to do that and no one better at doing it than you, the very real you.
Embrace motherhood and all the wonderful and challenging changes that come with it, but do not lose yourself in the process.