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Samara O'Shea

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Pray the Gay Away?

Posted: 06/27/11 11:31 AM ET

My sister attended a funeral a few weeks ago. The organist and beloved choir teacher from our childhood church had passed away. I couldn't make it, so she gave me updates on the people she saw. "Brenda has four kids, and she wants you to call her. Chris and Joanne are still together. Frank lost a lot of weight." She finished and had a sudden afterthought, "Do you remember Ben? The tall skinny guy?" I thought for a moment, "Oh yeah of course. Ellen's older brother." "He's gay," she announced.

I wasn't surprised. Although it never occurred to me that Ben was gay when we were younger, when my sister said so it made sense somehow. Ben also confessed to her that he tried for years to "pray the gay away," but he's done trying to transfigure himself now. He is openly gay and openly Christian, and that's that.

For the past fifty years or so, homosexuals have had a choice: you can be a devout Christian or you can be gay, but you cannot be both (before that, being openly gay wasn't much of an option). Some churches have overturned this ideology. Ben and I are fortunate members of the Episcopal Church, which does permit open homosexuality, even for clergy. But Catholic and Evangelical churches continue to profess that homosexuality is a choice. Believe it or not, some homosexual members of these churches feel a stronger tie to their religion than their sexual orientation and aren't willing to change to a more liberal church. (The New York Times wrote an article about this conundrum called "Living the Good Lie").

Then there are a brave few who will not give up their beliefs or their same-sex love. One of those courageous people is Spazz. Spazz, born Danielle Gaulthier, is a punk lesbian and Evangelical Christian in one determined young woman. Born and raised in North Carolina, Spazz is the subject of a documentary called Radical Love. The film chronicles Spazz's devastation when her girlfriend leaves her for a man and then goes on to join an anti-gay church. This sends Spazz on a search for a new love and an accepting spiritual home.

The documentary's director, Hillevi Loven, discusses why she chose Spazz as her subject, "When I met Spazz, she was just seventeen and I knew hers was a story that needed to be told. Her journey embodied stories of struggle and change that I had observed across the evangelical communities in the U.S. She herself was a bundle of youthful contradictions, the founder of the first Gay-Straight Alliance at her high school, and a God-loving, loyal daughter who wanted to please most everyone she met. She was also simply a great girl, with a huge heart, looking for true love, like so many teenage girls."

Part of me wants Spazz to move to New York City, where she will be welcomed with open arms, but I realize that's not the point. The point is to open the minds and arms of people in North Carolina -- amongst other places. Spazz sweetly says, "I'm a child of God, but I'm still gay."

Click here to see the film's trailer and to contribute to the cause of Radical Love.

 
 
 

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10:48 AM on 07/12/2011
My "Pray the gay away" consisted, among other "healing" attempts: 24 hour exorcism submitted to, and the many of days of fasting, and many times being first in the prayer line, and many more times for on-the-spot exorcism, and the constant praying, in more tongues than those spoken at Babel. I did not stop until a woman preacher from Chicago, who was doing a Pentecostal Revival in Port of Spain, Trinidad, where a Catholic friend, who knew how much my love for God was, and did not want me to be tormented anymore, took me, to "save me". This woman picked me out of a crowd of around 3000. She led this then terrified believer, up to the alter, on the podium. and said, "I have a word from your Father." She told me and the others present, about my many suicide attempt. At that time, I was more concerned about her revealing my struggle with my homosexuality; sensing my fear, she winked and assured me that I ought not to be afraid. She went on to tell me, on the loud speaker, the Word from your Father is, "I love you just the way you are." She then told me, "I made you just the way you are; so, to change you, is to deny my hand in your creation." I left that Revival so free, that once I left that meeting, I never turned back or ever regretted this total creation of God.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
bbriani3842
400+ yrs of science & STILL no evidence for a god
10:46 AM on 06/29/2011
Nothing fails like prayer ...
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Eric N Davis
If a button needs pushing, I'll be there.
05:51 AM on 06/29/2011
All I can say is, this world would be a much more healthy and peaceful place to live if so many people would just stop pretending that there is an invisible man in the sky telling them to command everyone else in the world to live and think exactly as they do.
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J Michael Norris
Don't mistake narrow-mindedness for perspicacity.
03:00 AM on 06/29/2011
Most people in the LGBT community retain their religious superstitions and affiliations after coming out. It's quite misinformed, prejudiced and patronizing of you to write an article stating that this was somehow unusual.

It is, in fact, the rule.
been2there
Facts have a liberal bias.
01:22 AM on 06/29/2011
The anti-gay churches are guilty of ignoring biology. The evidence that homosexuality is and inherent, inborn, and immutable trait is overwhelming, and ignoring it is the equivalent of calling God a liar.
03:44 PM on 06/28/2011
There is absolutely nothing brave about failing to recognize the source of your oppression. It is because of the alleged words of gods that people are homophobic to begin with. Unless those gods are willing rescind their words, they should be abandoned. To remain an LGBT Religionist is to remain a freed slave in the master's house.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
03:54 PM on 06/28/2011
Hey, stop trying to generalize that one particular God into 'gods,' just cause you're an atheist. Fact is, it's pretty much only that big one aggressive out of all the Gods in the world ever said to have a burr up about everyone not being straight. :)
04:06 PM on 06/28/2011
Sorry, but homophobia is not an Abrahamic creation. You may dream of some eastern paradise culture where homophobia doesn't exist, but good luck finding them.

(If you don't believe me , look up "Hijra" and how they treat people who identify as that in India, we live in a sad, sad world. )
09:04 PM on 06/28/2011
I probably shouldn't have generalized about all gods being anti-gay, but I don't think that takes away from my point about abandoning the primary sources of hatred towards gays. I find it illogical that anyone would worship a god that expressly says that they are wrong for being who they are. To me it's kind of like black Mormons. If your not familiar with Mormonism, it was only a short time ago when the Book of Mormon contained specific verses that said that black people were cursed and only partially human. Jump forward a short time and the Mormon church is allowing blacks to be in their religion. How come so few people can see what the problem is here? Religion is built upon in group/out group tribalism and thus will always be a source of hatred for those not in the religion. Religion divides and conquers us.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
09:49 AM on 06/28/2011
The author poo-poohs just what would happen to people in America for being openly gay fifty years ago, or even thirty or fourty. Conservative Churches still trying to perpetuate abuse against us may have had the view that society was accepting, but LGBT people were basically without any rights at all.

Personally, I'm as glad I was called by other Gods, ...I dunno if you can call it 'brave' to stay with churches that abuse you and seek to drag us back to the oppression of the past, ...seems to me more like Stockholm Syndrome and why battered people stay in abusive relationships. You can see the verbal abuse right here on this very forum.
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ZenGardner
This is NOT the Zen you're looking for.
10:59 AM on 06/28/2011
I see no evidence of poo-pooh anywhere.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
11:16 AM on 06/28/2011
With the implication that you could be openly gay outside a church fifty years ago, as though that was just fine. One thing a lot of people tend to erase is just how badly LGBT people were treated before Stonewall and in many places afterward: they still deny the actual horrors and privations we go through to this day, but when they talk about 'criminalizing homosexuality' and talking 'crimes against nature,' that goes right back to an age of routine brutality and no civil rights at *all.*
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obtusegoose
aka David in Houston
08:06 AM on 06/28/2011
I'd be more interested to learn why Danielle decided that she can't simply be "Danielle" anymore because she realized she's a lesbian. Why is she playing a part, going by the fake name of Spazz? It sounds like she's creating more barriers between herself and everyone else. Why would I, or anyone else, take someone seriously when they make up silly names for themselves?

Signed,
Elektro of Houstonia
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
EmmaDarian
All in all, I'm loving every rise and fall (RHCP)
09:23 AM on 06/28/2011
Where does it say she chose the name "Spazz" because she's a lesbian? It is way more likely that she chose a punk name, which is commonly done by punk kids. Google "punk name" and you can find kids talking about choosing theirs or even find a punk name generator and see what it suggests for your own.

You may not approve and think it's silly, but it's punk. And since you ask why anyone would take someone seriously when they adopt a punk name, why not? If it makes them happy and doesn't hurt anyone? Since you're asking about her motivations, why are you being judgmental? Why not just accept people who are different from you?
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
09:56 AM on 06/28/2011
It's traditional in many cultures and subcultures to take names other than the ones abusive people give. It's like ditching your 'slave name,' ...precisely because you call people's right to self-define outside a very narrow range of 'acceptable 'Christian names' *fake.*

The 'Spazz' thing is kind of being 'punk rock,' or trying to be, though it sounds kinda like damage, too.

Street names and the like are can be a lot more authentic than imposed ones, for the precise reason you're trying to deny her the dignity of naming herself.
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William D Simpson
12:04 PM on 06/27/2011
The person who is open about their homosexuality is not, and will never be Christian, until they allow Jesus Christ to do a recreative work in their life. There are things that people cannot do on their own. Being delivered from the power of sin is one of them!
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Misterioso Adversario
THE THIRST MUTILATOR!
05:12 PM on 06/27/2011
Sorry champ, but nothing can change the way you are born.
09:39 PM on 06/27/2011
The seeming impossibility that change can occur does not necessarily signify something is natural. I believe some people are born with gay tendencies. But I believe there's always a choice.
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JohnFromCensornati
The End is near
06:33 AM on 06/28/2011
"There are things that people cannot do on their own."

Your wallowing in superstition is a case in point.
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11:35 AM on 06/27/2011
"Part of me wants Spazz to move to New York City, where she will be welcomed with open arms, but I realize that's not the point. The point is to open the minds and arms of people in North Carolina -- amongst other places."

There is a huge difference between cultural identity (i.e. “Gay") and sexual orientation (homosexual). A difference Official Gay Culture, and heterosexual stereotypes, completely ignore.

Cultural identity is ACQUIRED. Sexual orientation is NATURAL, biologically determined.

To BE homosexual is not the same thing as to ACT “Gay”.

It might be easier to ACT Gay in New York but one IS still homosexual every place else on earth.
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BurtonDesque
Fear a Blank Planet
09:55 PM on 06/27/2011
And your point is what, exactly?
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Rouvey
‹^› ‹(•¿•)› ‹^›
11:10 PM on 06/27/2011
I'd say the point is on EXOTIC PARTICLES head!
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
02:02 AM on 06/29/2011
ExPart is quite correct in what he/she said, but I agree with you. Not sure what the point was. Sometimes someone can say things that are totally correct but pointless to the context.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
10:10 AM on 06/28/2011
The people most interested in claiming there's One 'Official Gay Culture' are generally the ones trying to both express their disapproval for anyone who doesn't 'act straight' and also to insist that all LGBT people *are* the monsterified stereotypes homophobes promote.

There are extents to which 'acting gay' is actually often a fairly natural outgrowth of actually being gay, at least among the *wider* culture, (for many people, anyway,) which doesn't mean they're a straightjacket or things which shouldn't indeed be celebrated.

For instance, a lot of how women and girls are expected to behave is rather heavily about being attractive and non-threatening to *men,* ...a lot of lesbians will in fact not bother with much of that, and pursue their own interests regardless of if they're 'supposed' to. Which leads, along with a lot of history, to elements of 'butch' in the 'culture' even if most lesbians aren't 'butches,' per se. Still, there's those stereotypes that get noticed cause that's what people expect to see, and every time they do, go, 'Yep, lesbians are like *that,*' ....Confirmation bias.

Still, it's a mistake to assume that it's just an idea some lesbian had that everyone decided to imitate over and over: it's something there's often a reality behind. Your body language and speech might change *too,* if you were surrounded by unwanted sexual advances from men, talked over all the time, not 'benefitting' from 'straight culture' of women's 'helplessness,' etc.
Oneandoneandone
Professional Spitfire
01:44 PM on 06/28/2011
I've always hated the term "lipstick lesbian." A lot of lesbians wear lipstick, even "butch" ones. People want to put us in a box, label it, and seal it up tight. If you don;t fit in the box, they get all snippity because they have to make a whole new box.
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10:23 AM on 06/29/2011
Agreed, these are very true points. However, what I'm saying is sexual orientation has nothing to do with culturally configured behavior. It preceeds the origin of "culture" and exists independently of culturally constructed and imposed behavioral proscriptions.

Whether rebelling or conforming, whether "butch" or "femme", it's still a cultural identity. That behavior does not predate or change the inherent sexual orientation of the organism (i.e. homosexual).

I'm saying that to BE homosexual but, on the other hand, ACT "Lesbian" or "Gay" are NOT the same thing.

Like race, sexual orientation is an inherent biological trait or characteristic that is completely independent from Cultural Identity -- the CONDITIONED expression of that trait.

To argue for the conflation of the two is biologically reductive. Consider this parallel: would anyone argue that the culturally specific behavior of ALL American Black people is biologically determined -- meaning those behaviors have no origin as a response to racist culture? What about Black people in Europe or Africa who do not exhibit those same behaviors?

Like sexual orientation, race is a biological trait that preceeds the origin of "culture". Both are biological traits that exist independent from and outside culturally imposed identities and behaviors in different parts of the world.

In a nutshell: A homosexual is a homosexual. Whether rebelling or conforming, whether "butch" or "femme", behavior is a choice -- a Cultural Identity constructed by adaptation to societal mores, structures and pressure.