How to Be Happy: 3 Secrets to Everyday Happiness

While visiting my old stomping grounds in New York City a few months ago, I remembered an important truth: We all want to be happy.

On a lunch break during a meeting I stood in line for soup in the basement of Grand Central Station. As I watched the interactions with the customers ahead of me and the woman at the cash register, I grew increasingly nervous. Eyes slanted, jaw tight, this woman behind the counter seemed to wear a perpetual scowl that intensified anytime someone hesitated while placing their order or fumbled for change in their wallet.

Flashbacks of Seinfeld's "Soup Nazi" episode flooded back to me. Such pressure! Did I want the black bean, vegetable, or split pea soup? Would she let me taste them to decide? Would she hate me if I spoke slowly and calmly, rather than barking my order in a succinct and decisive command?

Then I remembered, "Hey, this woman just wants to be happy, too."

So, instead of morphing into the mold the other barking customers had set, I chose something different.

I decided just to be myself. I smiled. I spoke slowly and remembered to breathe. I asked for samples to decide what I wanted. No doubt, I annoyed her; but I hope and trust that at some level I also relieved her because I reminded her of her own humanity.

Obviously, this encounter has stuck with me. Now that it's been over a decade since I lived in New York City at that frantic pace, I see how much I have grown by taking time to savor and enjoy my life since then.

I'm not saying that I don't still get lured into the hustle and bustle. That exists everywhere, not just in New York City. But I've found practical ways to approach my life from a less hurried, and therefore, happier, place inside of myself.

Here are some secrets that I carry with me everyday. They're really simple and anyone can do them.

1. Intend to be happy. When I wake up in the morning, before getting out of bed, I consciously choose happiness. And by happiness, I don't mean ecstatic glee. That's a mood. It's fleeting and circumstantial. Instead, what I mean here is contentment, an overall OK-ness, that doesn't depend on externals. It's simply an inner willingness to embrace whatever I'm facing, whatever the new day brings me, from a place of trust. Trust that whatever comes my way is an opportunity to grow, to surrender, to have faith, to become more of the person I want to be. In this way, I'm no longer a victim. I'm empowered because I control the only thing I can: my perspective.

2. Breathe deeply. I know we've all heard this one a gazillion times before. And I say it again here now because IT'S TRUE. Deep full breaths speak an embodied "YES!" When I'm faced with a challenge, I can choose to armor myself by holding my breath, or I can choose to inhale fully, all the way down into my belly. Somehow, magically, this lessens the resistance to the situation. I invite it in. Then I exhale, and I'm still alive. It's OK. I'm not annihilated by inhaling a "Yes" even when all of me screams "No". From that place of acceptance, I can soften and find a more skillful place from which to respond.

3. Practice Gratitude. Just as I begin each day with the intention to be happy, I end each day with a reflection of gratitude. It's nothing fancy: just my journal, my pen, and me. When I get into bed, before turning out the lights, I make a list of all the things--little and not so little--that really touched me through out the day. The funny thing is, usually it's the really simple things that really light me up. The people who supported me and showed kindness during the day or the way the sky looked at dusk. It's amazing what I remember and how it opens me to look for the goodness the next day when I do this practice. Even on the darkest days, I always can find things to be grateful for.

What about you? Do you have any secrets to daily happiness?

 

Follow Sara Avant Stover on Twitter: www.twitter.com/wayofhappywoman

Comments

[ruHap The Happiness Co]

10:09 PM on 05/27/2010

Hi Sara,

I love it, but I'm biased. :-) At ruHap we like similar things!

The first is ruHap's 14 Ways to be Happier Right Now:

1.Try
2.Act Happy
3.Appreciate the Moment
4.Simplify
5.Tiggers, not Eeyores
6.Set Goals
7.Help Others
8.Express Gratitude
9.↓ TV
10.Show Compassion
11.Focus
12.Listen Carefully
13.Hug
14.Stay Active

More information on each can be found at http://ruhap.com/content/freeresources/14ways/

The second is Stress Reduction, the ruHap Way:

1. Sit comfortably.
2. Close your eyes.
3. Focus on your breathing for 10 minutes.

Thanks, and be Happy,

Gregory S. Barsh, Esq.
Chief Happiness Officer
ruHap, The Happiness Company
http://ruhap.com/

[A New Day A New Vision]

06:03 PM on 05/25/2010

Yes! A relatable article about happiness! Let's all start with the fact that we are all responsible for our own happiness. Happiness is within everyone's reach but doesn’t occur naturally. Like anything we want we need to decide, take action and nurture happiness with awareness and choice. There are many outside influences that if allowed will attempt to affect our happiness but that choice lies within each of us as to how we choose to allow things affect us and our reaction to it. The world is changing and we need to change if we want to survive. I see people making a huge effort to be healthier with exercise and eating more consciously while missing the entire mind/body connection. Our thoughts have a direct effect on our health. Start today by asking yourself what makes me happy – get over the thought that it is self serving it is not! Do something nice for yourself and then do something nice for someone else. Start today and then again tomorrow and then the next day. Pretty soon you will have a week, month and life full of happiness with just tiny steps taken every day!

[Sara Avant Stover]

10:56 AM on 05/27/2010

yes, this is great--i agree that we are all 100% responsible for our own happiness, and it starts with taking care of ourselves! thanks for sharing.

[ruHap The Happiness Co]

01:53 PM on 05/25/2010

Hi,

Great article Sara and spectacular advice. Quite a bit of overlap with ruHap's 14 Ways to be Happier Right Now:

1.Try
2.Act Happy
3.Appreciate the Moment
4.Simplify
5.Tiggers, not Eeyores
6.Set Goals
7.Help Others
8.Express Gratitude
9.↓ TV
10.Show Compassion
11.Focus
12.Listen Carefully
13.Hug
14.Stay Active

More information on each can be found at http://ruhap.com/content/freeresources/14ways/

ruHap brings the leading academic Happiness research to users in small, fun, bite sized pieces. ruHap’s free website (http://ruhap.com/) contains extensive Happiness Resources, a Daily Happiness Quote, a blog (How to be Happy) and much more.

Thanks, and Be Happy,

Gregory S. Barsh, Esq.
Chief Happiness Officer
ruHap, The Happiness Company
Follow our blog, How to be Happier, at http://ruhap.com/content/category/blog/
http://ruhap.com/

[Sara Avant Stover]

10:56 AM on 05/27/2010

thanks for those 14 ways--i especially like the "hug" part! so true.