Faith Community and LGBT Community Come Together

I went to a funeral today. Of a little boy. 11 years old. He lay in the coffin, in a grown up suit, dead.

So little.

He killed himself last week because he was taunted, over and over, for being gay. who knows if he was, or wasn't -- not really the point. He was a sweet kid, they said, who loved to sing and dance. Very bright.

The school did not respond to his mother's repeated attempts to have the bullying addressed, to have it stopped. Instead, they sentenced the kid to have lunch with his abuser, for five straight days.

He told his mother he was suspended. It seems he was desperate to get out of those lunches. When they proceeded, anyway, he hung himself. It was too much.

I went today with a friend. The woman sitting next to her told her it wasn't the first time. There had been two other students at the same school, who suffered the same taunting. One girl, one boy. The girl tried to kill herself, her mother found her OD'ed on pills and got her to the hospital in time. The boy left the school, to pursue music.

This is baked in, deeply rooted homophobia. And just like baked in, deeply rooted racism affects us all, so does the homophobia. Sitting in that church today, I knew one thing for certain -- This community of African-American Pentecostal church members and the gay community have a great deal in common.

A dead little boy.

If there is ever a time to make that bridge, it's now. No where in the national media is this story. No where. is it because he was poor and black? Maybe. Is it because he was called gay and we're just not going to deal with that? Maybe.

I don't really care. I want to make that bridge. Because together, I think we can change things.

One of my sons is eleven. He came home from school and saw the picture on the service program.

I think I know him, he said. He looks...so familiar.

He doesn't, and didn't but...we all do.

Please make this story get out in the media. We should be outraged it has not made the evening news, the NY Times, the talk show circuit. An eleven year old boy killed himself because he was bullied. Maybe the queer community is the only one who really understands.

Let's stand behind this family and make a roar so loud no one can ignore it.

Please.

Comments

[frommyeyes]

Clearly, bullying isn't limited to taunting children about their sexuality. Children will take advantage of whatever they can to diminish one another in their power struggle to see who can be on top of the dog pile. But whoever suggested that this poor boy could not possibly know whether he was gay or not at the age of 11 would really have to question their own selves. Does this mean that they themselves had no idea they were heterosexual at that age? None? Really? No crushes on girls or boys? I find that extremely unlikely and therefore if that is not true, then clearly it cannot be said that he could not have possibly known whether he was gay or not. Many, many children have had sexual feelings and crushes by that age and to imply otherwise is sheer ignorance and/or wishful thinking.

[antaeus]

I knew where my interests lay at 6. By 10 I knew to keep my mouth shut about it.

Just because we weren't dating in grammar school doesn't mean we were clueless.

Adults who deny that children can have a perception of orientation are part of the problem.

[raker]

When we call every hateful act perpetrated against gay people "homophobia" we paper over the real causes of the vile hatred that drives people to be so cruel. Religion was the problem, is the problem, and will always be the problem. It's what keeps parents from sticking up for the children they love. It's what makes schoolteachers think "he's getting what he deserves" when the bullies torment a child. And it reinforces the self-hatred in a kid who's different.

This clueless teacher made the victim sit with the tormentors. It's so much easier to divide blame equally than it is to identify the real problem and take appropriate action. She (he?) should be fired and never allowed near another child.

[antaeus]

School personnel are usually a factor in these cases, in my own experience sometimes even giving tacit approval to the abuse.

But I'm unclear as to the lack of usefulness of the word "homophobia" when it applies. There are religious injunctions against witchcraft, and Massachusetts used to persecute witches, but that's not a problem at present. I think there are anti-gay bigots out there who are agnostic and atheist.

[ignoranceequalsfear]

Of course all bullying has to stop.

The fact remains that school officials continue to turn a blind eye (or in this case WORSE), especially if it involves homophobic bullying/h­arrassment­.

Unfortunately, I think that suing the schools may be the thing that make change happen. That's the only thing that made corporations start to do something about sexual harrassment.

[courtb]

Completely tragic. There is a reason that the gay kids from my high school came out once they left town :( Kids can be cruel and tolerance is seen as "promoting" homosexuality.

[bestealth]

Let me guess, it was male students that harassed this kid. It's male students responsible every time. They are the ones that sexually harass female students and gays, and minorities, and get wrist slapped until something like this becomes inevitable.
We should have separate schools for kids who avoid this type of behavior and just want to learn in peace.
The religious community is the very problem. With their backwards idolizing of their little male children at the expense of everyone else.
Mad Dads cause there there boys are not appreciated by the main stream, well, now you know why. They're little thugs.

[Patrick Murphy]

Get a life! An 11 year old boy has no idea whether he is a homosexual or not. This is a myth perpetuated by the homosexual community. His suicide may be due to bullying, but not due to being a homosexual. More than likely there are other causes at play that have not been revealed due to partisan purposes.

[steamboat]

WELL SAID ! These people here are a bunch of politically-correct sensitivity pushers who don't want children to grow-up.......Every kid gets teezed, called names, sometimes bullied when there growing-up. This kid was 11 years old. He did not know if he was gay or not. ....He had something far more wrong with him (mentally) then being called a name. So stop blaming everybody because this was something that was going to happen anyway. Perhaps look at his parents if you are looking to blame somebody.

[dithered]

Clearly you've never been an 11 year old gay kid. I knew even earlier than that. It's not a myth to me. The fear and dispair I felt from taunts from other kids and stupid adults, my own parents among them, comes back like it was last week when I see a story like this one, and it was 40 years ago for me.

[OKSunny]

I am sitting at my work desk trying to hide the fact I am crying my eyes out.......We need to stop this NOW. I can't write anymore....I have to excuse myself to the bathroom......

[antaeus]

I was collected until I saw his mother on Anderson Cooper tonight. It had me choking.

[steamboat]

We've had 516 children & young people murdered in Chicago in a year. Obama's home-town. Why aren't you crying for them?

[antaeus]

Wasn't this same comment scrubbed yesterday?

What's your point? It's clear you are an anti-gay bigot.

[Reighben Labilles]

The cruelty of our children is rooted in the bigotries we adults failed to stamp out. In my neighborhood alone, 9 yr old kids are taunting a gay maid much older then them--telling him constantly that he's going to hell. And they don't stop there, they even pester the limp autistic kid. The poor guy gets his rage fits when the children gang on him.

I can't do anything about it. If I had stepped in and corrected them, their more bigoted parents would call me a meddler. And then they would start attacking me for my homosexuality. If we seek to have genuinely friendlier children, we need to get rid the hate that is common among us adults.

[Sparhawk]

We all must take a stand for what's right - Your homosexuality, my heterosexuality is not an excuse for not getting involved in places where we are are uncomfortable.

"..If we seek to have genuinely friendlier children, we need to get rid the hate that is common among us adults.." I wholeheartedly agree. It has to start with you and I but it HAS to start.

[TryToBeFlexible]

The bullies are criminals, and at the least, are depriving the gay kids of their legal right to an education. At worst, they are murders.

Why aren't they just permanently expelled from the school? That is a super easy solution. If you torture, beat, and torment other students, you get expelled. It is a no brainer. The bullies are not going to go anywhere in life anyway. Many will end up in prison.

I know exactly what this is like. I experienced it personally growing up. It makes you terrified to go to school each and every day. It affects the outcome of your life. This was a long time ago for me. I have recovered. I am educated. I have a great job. I make a good salary. But, I could have done better and greater things in my life, had I not spent about 10 years being tormented and beaten up on an almost daily basis, while nothing was ever done to the vicious criminals perpetrating the crimes and assaults.

[llisa]

Unfortunately, public schools are not allowed to permanently expel anyone for any reason without providing alternate education. Many districts do have alt. ed. programs, but they are full to the brim and have a long waiting list.

Schools really do need to be allowed to expel students who bully anyone and disrupt the learning of other students. The parents need to be made responsible for the education of those kids they do not teach to respect others.

[Bethab]

As a former teacher...I honestly don't know how to solve this problem. There just isn't much a school can do about bullying. We talk and talk and talk until we're blue in the face, but the kids don't listen, don't care, and don't understand the consequences.

Are there any schools that have HONESTLY been able to eradicate or even diminish bullying? Including online and through cell phones? If so...how did they do it?

[M1]

Lame. 30 push ups and 10 laps around the football field for each slur would stop it real fast. The same punishment for the kids who just stood by and did not call for a teacher to help. Firing for any teacher who fails to intervene.

[llisa]

You have obviously not been in a classroom lately.

[Sara Whitman - Huffpost Blogger]

Back to the little red school house, huh? Nice fantasy but in reality, kids today have the internet, cell phones, and the need to learn how to live in a high tech society. We have outgrown the little red school house, not that it was all that great to start with.

Our education system needs to be updated to deal with the technology and needs of our kids. 30 push ups and 10 laps just don't cut it anymore.

I wish it did because then Carl would be alive today.

[Sparhawk]

School officials should be held culpable for this senseless death.

Sentencing this child to eat lunch with the one bullying him? What kind of wacko "can't we all just get along" nonsense is this? The bully should should have been dealt with separately. This was NOT the problem of the child being bullied.

The only point of the article I disagree is

"This is baked in, deeply rooted homophobia." This happens to the most current case. How many other cases of bullying are there in that school? How many are not Homosexual? Bullying is wrong no matter WHO you are or WHAT your sexual orientation is. Bullying is rooted in insecurity and fear of others.

This is another in the long line of senseless deaths

[llisa]

Those school officials certainly made a huge mistake. They thought they were punishing the bully (or teaching him to tolerate others) but punished the bullied kid instead.

But parents should ultimately be held responsible. Kids are not brought up in a vacuum. This bullying is learned behavior--or at least allowed behavior.

Bullies and their parents need to go to behavior management classes BEFORE things like this happen. Parents need to be taught to model decent behavior and kids need to learn that they can think whatever they like, but cannot act upon their every prejudice without consequences.

And school administrators need to get over their fear of bad parents and stand behind their teachers.

Yes, this would cost money and be hard to do, but if it is not done things will only get worse.

[mainemomma]

Where can we find out where this family is, what school the little boy was from?

Some kids bully those who are different from them, whether they are homosexual or not. But the school really bungled this up big time. Someone should be sued into the stone age, because the folks who allowed this to happen probably won't be replaced unless someone has to pay.

[jalyn]

Yes, it's sad. I just wish the kids who taunted him could be gathered and forced to attend the funeral and take a look at the results of their actions. School administrators should begin looking at implementing this rule. If any is caught tormenting a victim, they should be notified in advance that they will be required to visit hospital, or funeral. Schools should make them sign a "bullying" release form before they attend the school year.

[jalyn]

Oops, I meant bullying "liability" form instead of release form.

[itmaybetoolate]

Ms. Whitman, thank you for your work. I appreciate the hope you seem to have that this can change. Me - I have very little hope left. I have lived with the hatred for too long and seen first hand how the american t a l i b a n demonize those who are different. I sent the link to this story to Rachel Maddow. Let's hope it gets on the air.

[WinterParkMom]

This story is so sad, and totally understandable but unforgivable. Conservative right wing nutjobs perpetuate this behavior. Charges should be brought against everyone at that school for neglecting the welfare of that child. They ignored that boy's plight because the bullying was about being gay. How do we get this story on the news?