I went to a funeral today. Of a little boy. 11 years old. He lay in the coffin, in a grown up suit, dead.
So little.
He killed himself last week because he was taunted, over and over, for being gay. who knows if he was, or wasn't -- not really the point. He was a sweet kid, they said, who loved to sing and dance. Very bright.
The school did not respond to his mother's repeated attempts to have the bullying addressed, to have it stopped. Instead, they sentenced the kid to have lunch with his abuser, for five straight days.
He told his mother he was suspended. It seems he was desperate to get out of those lunches. When they proceeded, anyway, he hung himself. It was too much.
I went today with a friend. The woman sitting next to her told her it wasn't the first time. There had been two other students at the same school, who suffered the same taunting. One girl, one boy. The girl tried to kill herself, her mother found her OD'ed on pills and got her to the hospital in time. The boy left the school, to pursue music.
This is baked in, deeply rooted homophobia. And just like baked in, deeply rooted racism affects us all, so does the homophobia. Sitting in that church today, I knew one thing for certain -- This community of African-American Pentecostal church members and the gay community have a great deal in common.
A dead little boy.
If there is ever a time to make that bridge, it's now. No where in the national media is this story. No where. is it because he was poor and black? Maybe. Is it because he was called gay and we're just not going to deal with that? Maybe.
I don't really care. I want to make that bridge. Because together, I think we can change things.
One of my sons is eleven. He came home from school and saw the picture on the service program.
I think I know him, he said. He looks...so familiar.
He doesn't, and didn't but...we all do.
Please make this story get out in the media. We should be outraged it has not made the evening news, the NY Times, the talk show circuit. An eleven year old boy killed himself because he was bullied. Maybe the queer community is the only one who really understands.
Let's stand behind this family and make a roar so loud no one can ignore it.
Please.
Just because we weren't dating in grammar school doesn't mean we were clueless.
Adults who deny that children can have a perception of orientation are part of the problem.
This clueless teacher made the victim sit with the tormentors. It's so much easier to divide blame equally than it is to identify the real problem and take appropriate action. She (he?) should be fired and never allowed near another child.
But I'm unclear as to the lack of usefulness of the word "homophobia" when it applies. There are religious injunctions against witchcraft, and Massachusetts used to persecute witches, but that's not a problem at present. I think there are anti-gay bigots out there who are agnostic and atheist.
The fact remains that school officials continue to turn a blind eye (or in this case WORSE), especially if it involves homophobic bullying/harrassment.
Unfortunately, I think that suing the schools may be the thing that make change happen. That's the only thing that made corporations start to do something about sexual harrassment.
We should have separate schools for kids who avoid this type of behavior and just want to learn in peace.
The religious community is the very problem. With their backwards idolizing of their little male children at the expense of everyone else.
Mad Dads cause there there boys are not appreciated by the main stream, well, now you know why. They're little thugs.
and remember, this was a boy from a long religious tradition. I don't think religion is to blame- it is when it's used to hurt people that it's a problem.
I heard an elder stand up and say, follow the golden rule, children!
all I could say was amen.
not about religion. it's about how words are used.
What's your point? It's clear you are an anti-gay bigot.
I can't do anything about it. If I had stepped in and corrected them, their more bigoted parents would call me a meddler. And then they would start attacking me for my homosexuality. If we seek to have genuinely friendlier children, we need to get rid the hate that is common among us adults.
"..If we seek to have genuinely friendlier children, we need to get rid the hate that is common among us adults.." I wholeheartedly agree. It has to start with you and I but it HAS to start.
Why aren't they just permanently expelled from the school? That is a super easy solution. If you torture, beat, and torment other students, you get expelled. It is a no brainer. The bullies are not going to go anywhere in life anyway. Many will end up in prison.
I know exactly what this is like. I experienced it personally growing up. It makes you terrified to go to school each and every day. It affects the outcome of your life. This was a long time ago for me. I have recovered. I am educated. I have a great job. I make a good salary. But, I could have done better and greater things in my life, had I not spent about 10 years being tormented and beaten up on an almost daily basis, while nothing was ever done to the vicious criminals perpetrating the crimes and assaults.
Schools really do need to be allowed to expel students who bully anyone and disrupt the learning of other students. The parents need to be made responsible for the education of those kids they do not teach to respect others.
Are there any schools that have HONESTLY been able to eradicate or even diminish bullying? Including online and through cell phones? If so...how did they do it?
Our education system needs to be updated to deal with the technology and needs of our kids. 30 push ups and 10 laps just don't cut it anymore.
I wish it did because then Carl would be alive today.
Sentencing this child to eat lunch with the one bullying him? What kind of wacko "can't we all just get along" nonsense is this? The bully should should have been dealt with separately. This was NOT the problem of the child being bullied.
The only point of the article I disagree is
"This is baked in, deeply rooted homophobia." This happens to the most current case. How many other cases of bullying are there in that school? How many are not Homosexual? Bullying is wrong no matter WHO you are or WHAT your sexual orientation is. Bullying is rooted in insecurity and fear of others.
This is another in the long line of senseless deaths
But parents should ultimately be held responsible. Kids are not brought up in a vacuum. This bullying is learned behavior--or at least allowed behavior.
Bullies and their parents need to go to behavior management classes BEFORE things like this happen. Parents need to be taught to model decent behavior and kids need to learn that they can think whatever they like, but cannot act upon their every prejudice without consequences.
And school administrators need to get over their fear of bad parents and stand behind their teachers.
Yes, this would cost money and be hard to do, but if it is not done things will only get worse.
Some kids bully those who are different from them, whether they are homosexual or not. But the school really bungled this up big time. Someone should be sued into the stone age, because the folks who allowed this to happen probably won't be replaced unless someone has to pay.