Last week, I ended my term as American University's student body president. I have learned and grown so much over the last year, both personally and professionally. As proud as I am of all of the issues we tackled together, the biggest take away, for me, has been the resolution of an internal struggle.
For my entire life, I've wrestled with my gender identity. It was only after the experiences of this year that I was able to come to terms with what had been my deepest secret: I'm transgender.
For me, it is something I've always known, but had never accepted. It's been present my whole life, from as early as I can remember. It wasn't that I knew I was different, I literally knew I was a girl.
Around the age of six or seven, I was watching a sitcom with my mom when a transgender character appeared. Until this point, I thought I was the only one and that there was nothing I could do about who I knew I was. I remember asking my mom what "transgender" meant. She explained it to me, and my heart dropped; I knew "that's who I am" and I knew I'd have to tell my parents someday.
At the same time, I developed my love of politics. And starting at six and seven, I wrestled with the fact that my dream and my identity seemed mutually exclusive; I had to pick. So I picked what I thought was easier and wouldn't disappoint people.
As I got older, became successful in politics, and expectations grew, the pedestal that I was on made it harder for me to come to terms with everything. My golden handcuffs grew stronger and stronger. I had everyone and everything telling me that I could really make it in politics. "What a privilege," I thought, "I shouldn't sacrifice that." I was also scared to disappoint the friends and family who had invested so much of their time and provided me with so many opportunities.
To avoid letting myself and others down, I rationalized my decision: if I can obtain positions of power and make the world a little more accepting, then that work would some how mitigate my own, internal struggles. I told myself that if I could make "Tim" worthwhile for other people by changing the world, that being "Tim" would have been worthwhile.
As SG President, I realized that as great as it is to work on issues of fairness, it only highlighted my own struggles. It didn't bring the completeness that I sought. By mid-fall, it had gotten to the point where I was living in my own head. With everything I did, from the mundane to the exciting, the only way I was able to enjoy it was if I re-imagined doing it as a girl. My life was passing me by, and I was done wasting it as someone I wasn't.
And with those experiences, I couldn't continue to rationalize to myself that it would get better by continued concealment. It would only get better if I began to live true to myself.
After confiding in two or three friends as I struggled through fall semester, I told my family and some of my closest friends over winter break. My brothers and parents greeted me with immediate support and unconditional love. Naturally, it was difficult for them. On one level, they had believed that they would never have to really worry about me, that I was pretty much set for life. This development rocked that sense of security and for the first time in my life, they worried about my safety, my professional opportunities, my acceptance, and my happiness. And on a deeper level, they felt like they were losing me.
Since that difficult first week, there is no doubt things have gotten better. My parents have seen that the child they know and love isn't going anywhere. My friends have been nothing short of exceptional. My parents' friends have embraced them and me. And we move forward as a family, closer than ever.
As difficult as this has been for my family and me, the experience highlights my own privilege. From day one, I never worried about my family loving and accepting me. But for far too many trans people, the reality is far bleaker. Coming out oftentimes means getting kicked out of your home, your community, and your family. The worries that my family now feels for the first time are all too common for most families. I grew up in an upper-income household, in an accepting environment, and with incredible educational opportunities.
I say this not to diminish my own struggle and experience, but to acknowledge the privilege and opportunities that have been afforded to me. I also say this to emphasize that this story is my experience and my experience alone. There is no one-size-fits-all narrative; everyone's path winds in different ways.
On Saturday, surrounded by my closest friends, I began to present as my true self. While it was the next day of the life I have always had, it was, at the same time, the first day of the life I always knew I wanted to lead. Who I am remains. How I look and the happiness I feel changes.
With every birthday candle extinguished, with every penny thrown, my wish was always the same. I am now blessed with the opportunity to live my wish and fulfill a truth I have known since childhood. My gratitude is great to my family and friends for accepting me as the person who they now know me to be, and for letting me show them the possibilities of a life well lived.
I now know that my dreams and my identity are only mutually exclusive if I don't try.
An abbreviated version of this column appeared in the AU student newspaper, The Eagle.
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This is an extraordinarily poignant and beautifully written narrative. As a Co-Chair of the HRC Intercollegiate Council (ICC), I would like to thank you on the council's behalf for your courage and inspiration.
I have been struggling to find a more appropriate and direct way to contact you, but unfortunately feel this public comment is the only way to do so.
The HRC ICC would be absolutely honored to have you as a guest speaker in the fall. I ask that you please contact me at rgold@gwmail.gwu.edu to discuss this opportunity, and in the mean time, encourage you to visit our website for more information on the council: http://www.hrc.org/issues/pages/intercollegiate-council
Thank you again for your inspiration and best of luck in all of your endeavors.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Roxanne Goldberg
HRC ICC Co-Chair
Most Sincerely,
Peter V. Newman
A real flower is pleasing to see. An artificial flower will never produce natural fragrance nor seeds.
An artificial flower's petals are manufactured and look fake and shameful in comparison to a real flower.
A real flower will age and eventually wilt and die as all things will but the artificial flower will just collect dust and cobwebs and look frayed and faded.
Who would prefer to receive a bouquet of artificial flowers over a bouquet of fresh flowers?
Thanks for clarifying with that beautiful analogy.
Pollen aggravates allergies, and can exacerbate asthma.
Children with asthma occasionally die due to asthma attacks.
Therefore, real flowers harm children.
Just toying with your metaphor. I see what you did there! ;)
IF so "re-assign" ME to another sphere far.. far.. away.
FCS already. Let this self important parade of a blog die a peaceful death.
before you continue to make statements that make yourself look foolish.
But then agian, I am not an "It's all about me!" type of person who feels compelled to tell the world about my remarkable transition - as if the world really cared to shower me with bouquets of acceptance. The long term reality would be just the opposite - making me choose either to live my life in stealth and in fear that one slip-up could bring my world crashing down around my feet. Or, suffering the intolerence that most people would demonstrate toward me, whether justified or otherwise.
That is truly the long and the short of it unless you plan to spend the rest of your life in La-La Land.