Like Annie Leibovitz, I Too Am Selling My Photo Collection

03/27/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Annie Leibovitz is pawning her photographs to help pay for her seventeen homes, so I'd like to take this opportunity to announce that I'll be selling five of my most prized original prints for one million dollars each.

Descriptions below:

Untitled #1 and #2 (2000): A fan of the Phelps bong hit photo? Here's a candid snap of my friend Pat taking a huge hit from his four-foot bong while sitting on the futon in my common room. I'll also throw in the shot taken right after when he realized that he was being photographed where he's putting the bong to his crotch so it looks like a huge dick. Hilarious. I can put both in one of those plastic frames that bends in the middle so two photos can fit in.

Two Lovers (2002): Two of my guy friends passed out one night and we arranged them so it looks like they're doing it. Mapplethorpe-esque. We also drew a dick going into one of their mouths.

Save the Last Dance (2001): A print of one of my more portly friends in the middle of recreating the classic dance scene from the Julia Stiles vehicle Save the Last Dance wherein she shows those Julliard snobs what it's like to dance on the streets. Amazing juxtaposition of dexterity and girth, as he appears to be floating in air while putting "his back into it."

America (2003): My roommates and I dressed up as the Pink Ladies from Grease for Halloween. Evokes a nostalgia for a time and innocence long since past. You can also see my friend Lacey's nipple.