I'm in the middle of a meeting with Chunky at Soho House in West Hollywood, when my phone rings. It's my dad. I answer it at the table. (You're not supposed to do that at Soho).
"Hey Dad, everything okay?" I ask. It's a strange time for him to call.
"No," he replies. "Can you call me back?" At this point I get up and walk out to the balcony.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Well," he says. "I'm calling because your grandma just died and I didn't want you to find out on Facebook like your sister found out. "
A flood of tears start pouring from my face. We wrap up the conversation and I head back to the table. Thank goodness Chunky isn't only a highly successful international creative director, he's also a gem of a person. I kind of feel like my grandma put the two of us together that night.
I wrap up my meeting and walk down to the elevator, push the button, and wait to get on. Jerry Bruckheimer walks up. THE Jerry Bruckheimer... you know mega producer behind Pirates of the Caribbean movies, CSI,.. and on and on!
It's just the two of us. We've never met. I turn to him and say "my grandmother just died". Yes...I shared that with him.
"I'm sorry" he says.
Now the elevator doors open. It's just the two of us. Poor guy, walking into the elevator with the choked up blond girl who's talking about her dead grandmother.
I continue talking. "Yes. I just found out. Life is so short" I say.I then switch gears so I don't completely start bawling.
"So how is your day going?" I ask.
"It's going better than yours", he says in the nicest way.
"Well, I did set a low bar," I responded. He thought that was kind of funny.
The elevator doors open. I turned and said " Thanks for listening. I really appreciated it."
"Sure" he says.
I give a little head nod and say " have a good night". Hold the door and walk on out. Too bad I'm not an actress. I would've nailed the part of the grieving granddaughter.
I'm a pretty open person, but I'm not the best at being vulnerable. Vulnerability is something researcher and TED speaker, Brene Brown talks about and writes in her book, Daring Greatly. As Brown puts it, "The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I'm willing to show you."
That night I took a big step towards being more vulnerable. But here's why we should all take it a step further.
Vulnerability Is an Act of Courage
Brown emphasize that vulnerability is not weakness. It's taking responsibility for something that went wrong. It's making that phone call. It's saying those words you're afraid to say. It's owning that fear and then facing it.
Vulnerability is the Birthplace of Innovation and Change
This birthplace comes from embracing risk and failure, not because failure is a good thing but because it's a natural part of the progress. It means you're in the game, regardless of outcome. It's also about engagement. The minute we're engaged, we are invested. This is where innovation and change is born.
Vulnerability is the Key to Connection
People connect more with those who have weaknesses. Perfectionism is such a turn off. Self-improvement on the other hand... now that's a laudable goal. To truly connect, you need to be vulnerable and that means being " all in".
The thing about being truly vulnerable, is that you can get hurt. But I'm willing to take that risk a bit more now.
I poured my heart out to Chunky, who was the greatest gift that night (I think I made a new life long friend). Leaned into Jerry Bruckheimer, who if nothing else made for a memorable encounter. I reached out to some family and random friends who I hoped would make it all feel better... and now I'm sharing this with you. It's a start.
Thanks Enid Zapp. I appreciate the little push you gave me in life with the gift of your passing.