The innocent victim of abortion, children who die of hunger or from bombings, immigrants...the elderly or the sick who are considered a burden, the victims of terrorism, wars, violence...at stake in all of this is the gift of God, of which we are noble stewards but not masters. It is wrong, then, to look the other way or to remain silent.
-- Pope Francis, Address to U.S. Catholic Bishops, September 23, 2015
Dear Pope Francis,
I write to thank you for your generosity of spirit and your compassion shown in your recent visit. Like millions of Americans, I was thrilled that you chose to spend time in our country. I was especially thrilled that you came to Philadelphia in late September, following visits to New York and Washington, D.C., where you graced us with several events and where you spoke to the World Meeting of Families, who chose Philly for their meeting place. Though my husband and I did not have tickets for any event, we were out in the streets in the long lines, feeling the pulse of adoring crowds and experiencing the extreme security.
Even though each attempt to get close to you failed, we followed Philadelphia's extremely warm welcome to you and your gracious responses on television. We found the news coverage of how close the Pope-mobile was to the throngs of Philadelphians cheering you on fascinating. To our knowledge (but we may well have missed it), what was not pointed out is that you were so close to us because Philly's streets are far narrower than those in DC or NYC.
Pope Francis, during your days here, in my opinion, you showed yourself to be neither conservative nor liberal, but instead a true Jesuit, and I believe that this quality of compassion has shown itself before in our country: As an example, I always believed Justice Roberts would protect Obamacare. He and other jurists can discuss the legal precedents that underscore this decision, but the Justice is a good Catholic, one who knows that Obamacare is necessary to protect the health of families without wealth or power. His conscience would not have allowed the Supreme Court he leads to destroy their sustenance.
Because of this quality of devotion and because of your words, "it is wrong... to look the other way or to remain silent," I also write to speak to you about what I know concerning both abortion and gay marriage. Because I am not Catholic, some would say I have no right to intrude in a conversation in these highly charged areas. However, I have been a social worker and family therapist for over 30 years, and I cannot in good conscience remain silent.
To start with the latter, when you stood before Philly's extraordinary Philadelphia Museum of Art (yes, the museum steps are home to our Rocky statue) extolling families, you joked that some would say since you were never married, you could not know about marriage. You brought smiles and laughter when you said you understood marital anger and the throwing of dishes.
The testimonials to married life and devotion shared on that evening were uplifting, even magical. But Pope Francis, I know many families where partners are gay who offer the same precious quality of marital love, devotion and loyalty you extolled, and none of these Catholic couples were invited to speak surrounded by their beloved children. How do you think they felt being excluded? I can also tell you of the pain I have seen close-hand as loving men and women muster courage to claim who they truly are and share this with parents and clergy they fear will not understand and abandon them.
Also, although I know you do understand why couples can get very angry with each other, I am not sure you understand how many people suffer in marriages where anger is cruel, controlling and terrifying, but where there is not the psychological or financial support that allows separation or divorce. I do not think you know how terrifying it is when sex is forced on a woman by her husband, or when she consents without love or trust because she fears repercussions on her or her children if she does not. Nor do I think you understand the self-loathing and repulsion a woman in this circumstance experiences.
Pope Francis, pregnancies result from these contacts, and then, what are the options without support, without love, and with other children to care for? And in a working marriage, what are the options when a woman becomes pregnant, and there are other children, but no strength or stamina to care for another child.
I was blessed with an extraordinary childhood rabbi, Dr. Uri Miller, who taught his congregants the power of prayer, and to this day I believe in Rabbi Miller's promise. But prayer cannot turn a gay person into a heterosexual. Nor should it. And prayer cannot give a woman strength to care for another child when she can barely meet the emotional and physical responsibilities of the present.
I write with deep respect. I write because I have seen the terror of an abusive marriage and the angst of Catholic couples who long for respect and acceptance from their Church; and I have seen the suffering and terror of an unwanted pregnancy. I write because I agree with you: It is wrong to look the other way and remain silent.
Most Sincerely,
SaraKay Smullens
Philadelphia