As a marital therapist I well know that that there is only one way to have a hopeful, fulfilling future if married to a bully (who will not look into his immature and ruthless approach to life): It is to leave him.
For a bully follows no decent, ethical communication standards. Any time a bully feels threatened, which means any time he feels a loss of control --- any lie, any filth, any behavior, distortion or manipulation in his weaponry arsenal is instinctively used.
There is countless evidence that Hillary Clinton will face a bully in the upcoming Presidential debates. We have seen the tactics of her opponent, and yet his followers seem to be growing. There has been continuous adept analyses about why, but I want to emphasize two factors that seem to have been buried in the combat and storm of this brutal, seemingly endless election process.
What is abundantly clear is that voters do not like to see an angry Hillary Clinton. For when they do, far too many do not understand that she is exposing a liar and ruthless manipulator, one not worthy of the office of President. Instead, they see a woman on the attack.
In a parallel, President Obama well knew that the public would not understand and appreciate the true worth of an African-American President if he lost his cool.
Secondly, Hillary must find a way to show the voters who she is as a woman and how deeply she cares for them as a leader. They must know, see, feel all she wants to do to improve lives and offer hope and promise.
Interestingly, when Hillary's vulnerability is revealed, the public understands and appreciates her in a new way. This has happened strikingly on two occasions, once during the humiliation she endured during the Monica Lewinsky episode, and secondly, during the last presidential campaign, when she explained how hard it all was and her eyes misted.
I well understand why Hillary has been guarded. However, following her 9/11 fainting episode, when she appeared outside of her daughter's home, it would have been so wise to not fear being real: to show emotion, to share the truth, and to express deep appreciation for the concern shown her. She would have reached thinking people by sharing she was understandably tired and was going to take a couple of days to rest and let the antibiotics do their job. Yes, there may have been continued ugliness by some, but her sincerity and authenticity would have largely eradicated its power. People would have seen her as human, rather than as an automaton. Sadly instead, the very worst has been written and its irrationality spread.
I live in Pennsylvania, a state where Hillary's election is crucial. In is untrue here that all who oppose her are right-wing nuts harboring ugly prejudice and hatred. In my day-to-day life I have met those Hillary has not reached who work hard, are raising or have raised families, try to live meaningful lives, and take their voting responsibilities very seriously. Four illustrative examples follow:
The first example involves a Philly cab driver whose family photo was attached to the front of his dashboard. His distain for Hillary spilled over. His focus was her "anger" and he was sure she lied about her health, "like all else." "She is very sick," he assured me. Any comparison to Trump was discarded.
The second example is from a brilliant, respected Ivy League educated legal professional, who forwarded several on line reactions to her 9/11 illness. "Some people even believe she has Parkinson's, which would explain the swallowing problems. I bet that if she and the Donald both went for workups at the Mayo, the race would be over," he wrote.
Example 3: I had a manicure, given by a woman who, with her husband, brought their family of six here from an area around Russia (I am intentionally being vague), and is now a citizen. She described Hillary as "power hungry" and not a woman she could identify with. "What does she want? Why does she need to be president?" she asked.
Final example: Recently my husband and I had dinner with a hard-working, very kind, and highly intelligent couple we like and respect enormously. The woman went to college on a scholarship and has a responsible marketing job. Her husband, who is exceedingly bright but found college "not for him" and dropped out, runs a very successful business. They did not want to discuss the election and tactfully changed the subject. Their disaffection with Hillary, however, seemed quite clear.
The above examples are among many: In the crucial upcoming debates Hillary, a skilled debater, will not win by going head to head with an opponent who relishes discord and pitches to all possible fear and irrationality. Instead, she must find a way to rise above ugliness, giving Donald Trump the room to show our citizenry the dangers of a nature that thrives on shaming and humiliating others -- as Hillary shows the very opposite, her life-devotion to the public well-being -- her competence, her nature, her heart. If Hillary Rodham Clinton can use the debates in this way, she will win this election.