I still don't know who Miranda is or why she is associated with the right to remain silent but now that the Supreme Court has ruled that a suspect's silence before being Mirandized can actually be used against them in a court of law, it is particularly important for us to be aware of what our rights are and what they are not.
So here are the Top 8 things we should all know about our Miranda rights:
8. It used to be that if you got rid of the murder weapon and kept your trap shut, you could get away with the crime, but now even your silence can be a confession; so try swearing and grunting threateningly instead.
7. When they ask if you understand the rights that have been read to you, just keep saying no. That will confuse the cops plenty.
6. Alternatively, nod your head vigorously when they read you your rights, then tell the judge that you only speak Mandarin and you thought the cops were offering you coffee.
5. Miranda applies only to full price items and may not be combined with Gloria or any other special offers. Limit one per customer.
4. When they arrest you, immediately recite the Miranda rights to yourself loudly, so the cops think you already know them and don't repeat them to you; then later maintain that you were just rapping the lyrics to a song and had no idea what the words meant.
3. Texting your best friend saying "Cops can't force me to talk, but I did it, man!" will get you into trouble, Miranda or not.
2. Man of Steel is a pretty good movie (sorry, wrong list again)
And the top thing we should know about our Miranda Rights:
1. If you meet a female cop named Miranda, asking her if she would like to read you your rights over dinner will probably result in your being arrested for the stupidest pickup line ever.
SERIOUSLY SKEWED is brought to you by Sanjay Sanghoee, a political and business commentator. Sanjay is a banker and is the author of two thriller novels, including "Killing Wall Street". For more information, please visit www.sanghoee.com
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