What Is Barack Obama Thinking? Part I

Grandpa just crashed the Straight Talk Express. He's got the steering wheel in one hand, a bottle of Maalox cut with bourbon in the other, and the old stripper girlfriend is grinding in his lap. The air is thick with... what's the word when a person says something that's not supported by the facts?

Everyone's telling me I'm bringing a knife to a gunfight. Let the other side peak in September. Still, it looks like I'm not taking the battle to the Republicans and perception, as Mike Dukakis told me in that dream I had where his head was sticking out of a tank, is everything.

To attack, or not to attack? Am I starting to look like Hamlet? Don't mention Hamlet! Did she try to ban than one? Have the research team look into it.

The old goat said he'd run an honorable campaign and since he was the guy who got shivved by Bush in South Carolina eight years ago, I took him at his word, assumed he didn't set his moral compass by Pablo Escobar.

Bad decision, Barack!

A lot of veiled references are being thrown around now: fib, misstatement, stretch, fabrication, and none of them get to the essence. But you can't say lie. Never mind John McCain is selling more whoppers than Burger King. And Dogsled Barbie is worse (Oh heavens, did I just call her a dog?!). She keeps lying about the Bridge to Nowhere -- I said thanks, but no thanks -- If I have to hear that catchphrase one more time, my head's gonna explode! -- after every major media outlet in the country has pretty much said she's full of... whoa, whoa... I'm not gonna get down in the mud.

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But those two are treating the truth like a couple of French literary theorists. I wish I could say that out loud. Hey, maybe I should! In the parallel universe they live in, the only thing worse than being a community organizer is being French. Probably shouldn't reference French literary theory during the campaign. Leave the Derrida on the old night table.

How's this for a line of attack? John McCain is treating this country the way he treated his ex-wife. Too abstract? Yeah, it is. Just practice saying: "While I honor his service to our country, John McCain is a craven tool of the Christian Taliban, and his first executive decision was to pick a running mate whose husband wants to secede from the union." Too long for a bumper sticker? Michelle gets hammered when she says she's finally proud of her country, but the First Dude wants to establish the Sovereign Nation of Alaska and he gets a pass? Hey, Liberal Media, what didn't you hear? Is the roar of the snowmobiles too loud?

I'm a little tired of the nice guy thing, the dignified thing, the loser thing. I can talk about the economy, or Iraq, education policy, or the environment, but let's face it... no one cares. The crowds love "Sarah Barracuda." Hey, McCain Truth Squad, how come the people who call her Sarah Barracuda don't get busted for saying she's like a fish? I'm just asking. Can you put lipstick on a barracuda? Because someone did.

Yeah, I just called her a fish. You're damn right. And I called her a pig, too. I'd say it to her smug, condescending, Alaska-is-a-socialist-paradise face. I don't care that she ragged on me at their convention. I can take that. But when I listen to the Republican noise machine rant about sexism if some reporter asks her why she thinks we should go to war with Russia in the event they attack Armenia, well, that is professional comedy. Wasn't she the one who said Hillary was whiny? What's wrong, Moose Chick? Can't take the heat?

Picture this: McCain croaks, Russia rattles their nukes, and the Palinator's getting ready to shake her up-do at Putin? I know he'll be showing all the "respect and deference" her campaign is bellyaching about.

I've been hearing our ticket has a problem with white working class voters. They're acting like I'm not running against the Straight Talker anymore, never mind he's been surgically attached to her hip, and you know what? I think they're right. The old Maverick's not looking so good, sorta like the Geritol and the Metamucil stopped working at the same time. And what's that swelling on the left side of his face? Word is Miss Alaska Runner-Up is trying to get him thrown off the ticket before he hugs her again. She may be snide but she's not dumb. If we were up in Tundra Town she'd have that geezer drifting out to sea on an ice flow!

So let me reframe the choice here, America.

Imagine you're in a car accident. You're pulled from the twisted wreckage with a massive head injury. The hospital has two surgeons, a black man and a white woman. The man went to the best medical school in the country, is cool, calm and rocks his scalpel like an artist. But the other one, the woman, she looks like the lady you ran next to in the 10k last weekend. Oh, and she's a veterinarian who usually operates on reindeer. Who's it going to be?

"Wait!" you say. "Reindeer? Does that mean she knows Santa?"

I hope your brain isn't leaking out of your ears tomorrow.

Comments

[Hiphopcrates]

I'm thinking of an Obama video where he and Charles Barkley are on a basketball court, O drives down on Sir Charles, fakes left and stuffs. One picture......

[dudervision]

I'm just going to keep posting this!!!!!

Instead of messages of hope and excitement, all I seem to find here is messages of despair, critiques of how Obama is running his campaign, and meaningless rants against the lies being spewed by McCain and Palin.

ENOUGH!

ENOUGH being armchair quarterbacks and offering all this advice to Obama on how he SHOULD be running his campaign

ENOUGH whining that we're going to lose this thing and the American people are stupid and none of it really matters any more

ENOUGH ranting and raving about McCain and his total lack of honor or Palin and her total inability to be VP

ENOUGH!!!

Leave this site, head over the Obama site and VOLUNTEER

To sign up new voters

To make phone calls

To send letters to the editor

Find out where your county's electoral board take volunteer clerks for voting and sign up for that

Find some really inspirational stuff out there and get your friends fired up, then tell them to get their friends fired up....

GET OFF YOUR BUTTS AND HELP US WIN THIS THING!!

Obama has said it before. This election is NOT about HIM

It's not about Biden

Or McCain

Or even Palin

IT'S ABOUT US!!!

Remember in the phrase Yes, we can, the most important word is WE!

SO, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO WIN THIS FALL GET TO WORK!!!!

OBAMA BIDEN 2008, 12, 16, 20

[EtownTom]

Thanks for the truthful but, thankfully, humorous entry. God, I needed a good laugh after watching that interview last night. Is this the Twilight Zone??????

[demigod]

I'm going to vote for Obama, but I never bought into the idea that Independents and Republicans will come around. We see now that they aren't - even though nothing has changed, and conditions in the country are getting worse. All I see is the message against the war getting watered down, the surge has worked - Obama himself said that ! We need more war in Afghanistan - Obama said that ! The Republican culture of corruption - where did THAT go ? Where did every issue we had go ? All I hear out of Obama is how honorable and decent John McCain is. You'd think Viet Nam was a war we won, instead of a terrible lesson we never learned. You'd think having a Down Syndrome baby is something everyone ought to try - it builds character ! Dear god - I cannot understand how every Democratic issue seems to evaporate like a puddle in the sun. Yet the wars rage on, the money keeps flowing into the sands of Iraq and Afghanistan, and we need to DRILL, DRILL, DRILL.

[mjc]

Seth, this sort of blog will surely elect John McCain. Mostly full of negative pictures of the opposition to Barack and making it seem as if Obama is going to have a real tough slog just getting himself elected, much less accomplish anything.

[SheenaVa]

McCain is a change agent. Look at how many things he's changed his position on since he's been running.

[BlackJAC]

He's rope-a-doping McCain the same way FDR rope-a-doped every opponent he faced while running for President. Show some faith!

[chi-town]

just flip the change argument on him show mccain as just changing his mind and that the change he bring

[chi-town]

i say if mccain wants to now make himself the change agent, this is how they can show it.
they can show all the times he change him mind on everything and there plenty of stuff out there,showing graphic of him and bush, then put up the quote the two mccain with a split shot of himor with him and bush, i wish i can explain this to them really, and also tell mccain to stop hiding behind sarah skirt, and comfront barack and the real issues like a man.

[KNadine]

Seth, you bring up a good point about Michelle Obama. Michelle Obama is more qualified to be VP than Palin, yet where was everbody when Michelle was getting raked over the coals by the Republicans??? Republicans stand up for their own. What do Democrats do, they remain silent and expect Barack Obama to carry the entire party, then want to play back seat driver at the slightest sign of a media driven problem. Please - save the phony "I want to see Obama fight". Why don't we fight as a party? Instead of trying to tell Obama how to run his campaign, why don't you and others do your part - register people to vote and get them to the voting booth. Uplift your candidate instead of tearing him down. Email, hound the media and for God's sake - SURROGATES Stand Up. Honestly, Democrats embarrass me most of the time with the constant whinning and dissention. You guys are some of the most disloyal - okay let me stop because right now I want to Bitch Slap most of you. FOCUS!!!!

[RMS7777]

Michelle was making policy statements for the Obama campaign. Then seh was questioned on those statements. How is that "raking her over the coals'?

And Michelle is not more more qualified than Sarah, Barack is even more qualified than Sarah. He was elected by the Chicago machine and only has 2 bills with his name on them as a Senator. Both are insignificant.

[HHarvey]

How is ethics reform insignificant?

[makegandhismile]

rms7777 so do you think her seccessionist-happy husband who is cc'd on her emails and who charges the taxpayers for his travel on behalf of his wife's official business should be questioned? What could he say to explain the seccessionist stuff away that would make any sense?

Are you seriously comparing a Harvard graduate and Princeton graduate to Palin's flim-flim education? 5 junior colleges in 6 years? Obama is a professor of constitutional law - he has opinions based on having studied and understanding world history and the history of governments and detailed understanding of how this government and the other governments around the world work. This is the kind of knowledge necessary to help this country to quit making the same stupid mistakes over and over - and education is just the bare baseline of why Obama's more qualified to lead this country.

But, as the author says, i guess you'd prefer to have Beauty School Dropout doing your brain surgery so you can keep on being a racist.

A MUST-READ FOR ALL PALIN SUPPORTERS:
http://www.grizzlybay.org/SarahPalinInfoPage.htm

[demigod]

Oh yeah, don't fight the Republicans, slap your fellow Democrats ! That makes LOTS of sense. The Republicans are pulling every dirty trick in the book - as we knew they would - but WE ARE DISLOYAL !!! Yeah, and I wonder what all the Obamans are going to do if he loses - tell me they'll stick around to rebuild the party ! We've been fighting the Republicans for many, many years, and will keep fighting them for many more. You could try helping ! The first thing you should do is stop AGREEING WITH THEM, stop PRAISING THEM, stop trying to BE LIKE THEM !!!

[Bluedanube]

Obama ran a brilliant primary campaign but to date has run an abysmal general election campaign. They have allowed the Republicans to do all of the framing and have been only able to play defense after having been knocked back on their heels. The poison pill was inherent in Obama's approach in "can't we all just get along?" meme. That was fine for the primary but a big mistake to take it to the general. Unless Obama and his campaign do something dramatic to take back the iniative one can't help but ask, do McSame/Palin have coat tails?

[sufi66]

If the Democrats can't win this year, we deserve Palin and all that implies.

Too bad that the congressional Democrats under Reid and Pelosi have a dismal record of reform or of anything else. It makes it twice as hard for Obama to make people believe he can change anything.

Remember when the Democrats controlled the entire government in the first 2 years of the Clinton presidency? They did nothing and we got Newt.

[Shezboday]

Did you see this? DID YOU SEE THIS!!

'If these numbers are sustained through Election Day -- a big if -- Republicans could be expected to regain control of the U.S. House of Representatives.': On the generic ballot question, Gallup finds likely voters prefer "the Republican candidate" to "the Democratic candidate" 50 percent to 45 percent. If these numbers are sustained through Election Day -- a big if -- Republicans could be expected to regain control of the U.S. House of Representatives

I can't believe it! I cannot! Every day gets worse!!!! I try and try and try to regain hope, precious Hope, but despair grips me like a shaw, wraps around me and buries my thought.

Sarah Palin...destroyer of gleam, taker of One, reducing me to tears.

[sufi66]

Not true. Calm down. It looks like the Democrats will gain seats.

[chi-town]

i wish someone tell them, if john mccain want to define himself as a change agent now, they should put up ads how much change he is. i mean like all the time he change him mind on everything, and there alot of stuff they can use, and use graphic of him and bush, then say the two mccain and put up two of him, or him and bush, i really wish i could explain this to them.

[eden4barack08]

Brilliantly humorous!