The "M" Word: Making the Most of Mentoring to Achieve (and Exceed) Your Goals

Mentoring. Suddenly the word is everywhere.

January annually is National Mentoring Month. URS, Chevron, many learning institutions, and even the military have instituted peer mentoring programs in an effort to maximize resources. A group of Fortune 500 companies voluntarily participates in American Corporate Partners (ACP), a non-profit, nationwide veterans mentoring program. For that matter, the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, widely considered to be the most successful sobriety program in the world, relies largely upon volunteer mentors (called "sponsors") who pair with newcomers to recovery and guide them through the process.

As of April 15, 2009, the U.S. House of Representatives Appropriations Subcommittee on Labor-HHS-Education-Related Agencies is reviewing a bill to approve $100M in federal funds in FY2010 as a support for mentoring initiatives.

But why mentoring? What is so special, so essential, about the esteemed but until-now rarely mentioned art and discipline of mentoring?

For that matter, what exactly is mentoring, and how do you know when you have encountered someone who is qualified serve as your mentor, or someone who could benefit from the mentoring guidance you are uniquely equipped to provide?

Mentoring, quite simply, is what happens when a mentor, a trusted guide who has knowledge and expertise in a certain area and is willing and able to share it, is paired with a mentee, a person who is in need of guidance and support, and is willing to receive it.

A mentoring relationship is fundamentally driven by the mentee's desire to maximize their full potential in some area of life, whether it be personal, career, or some combination thereof. Katie, a 21 year-old social work major, shares that having a mentor "has really been that missing link for me. It's like I can actually use my skills and everything I've learned because I know I'm supported."

Interestingly, there is more than minimal truth to the old adage that "when the student is ready, the teacher appears." This is why, while the mentor's value may be a mystery to outside observers, to the mentee the appearance of the mentor in an area where the mentee is struggling and the mentor has experienced success is literally a god-send.

One of the most moving testaments to the power of mentoring can be found in acclaimed poet Rainer Maria Rilke's collection of correspondence with a young poetry student, "Letters to a Young Poet". Now a literary classic, the relationship began when the student encountered Rilke's work, became inspired to write to him for guidance, critique, and support, and was pleasantly surprised when Rilke actually responded to his letters!

Rilke, a master mentor, recognized aspects of his own past in the student's plea for support, and responded out of the compassion and life experience that demanded to be passed along in order to be fully valued and preserved. Their correspondence reveals that, over the course of their mentoring relationship, Rilke steadfastly refused to critique the student's work, preferring instead to address deeper issues of life, love, and self-doubt that were gnawing away at the student's ability to let his unique poetic gifts flow.

In the same way, you will recognize your mentor when your path crosses with an individual who makes you aware that you are not yet tapping into your full potential. This very awareness is also what infuses you with a courage you did not know you had to reach out to that person and ask for guidance and support.

If the person is meant to be your mentor, they will respond as Rilke did, with compassion, empathy, and humility, freely offering what they know -- and doing so precisely because someone first offered them the exact same gift of hope and help when they needed it most.

The true beauty of mentoring will then reveal itself, as, in time, with the help of your mentor, you will transition through challenge to triumph and find yourself in the mentor's shoes. As you grasp the true value of what you have received, gratitude is awakened along with a desire to continue to participate in the mentoring process by "paying it forward".

One day you may find yourself very naturally responding to another person's request for help. Jeanette Henriques, a 30 year-old Ph.D. graduate in Counseling Psychology, has experienced this process from start to finish, first as a mentee and then in time by becoming a mentor herself. "Having a mentor was an important part of my journey. Now I have the privilege of being a mentor and sharing what I have learned with those who are still struggling. Being a mentor is a very rewarding experience because the relationships that are built are priceless."

Comments

[wisegrandma]

I am a retired teacher and have been involved with young people for many, many years. The one thing I like to share with them is the importance of finding a mentor to help them survive in this chaotic world. Almost all the successful people I know attribute their happiness and good fortune to someone who has helped them find their way when they have faltered.

Everyone needs a mentor no matter what stage of life they are in.

[Shannon Cutts]

I agree wholeheartedly - and THANK YOU for "paying it forward" by helping the young people in your life find their feet...and stay on them in the midst of all the conflicting messages they face each day. We need more mentors like you!!

[Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh - Huffpost Blogger]

Terrific topic and great post, Shannon.

Mentoring is an important part of being a human community - one that plays a part in formal and informal ways!

[Shannon Cutts]

I agree, Laura - I know how dedicated your organization is to mentoring as well and am honored to know you and share this journey together!

[klaughman]

I agree with your observation that mentoring is increasing in its profile. As with many things, there are long standing behaviors and practices whose labels change and morph over time. At their core they tend to remain constant because they bring such value. Mentoring is certainly one of those examples. I love that you relate the sponsor role at AA. That is exactly the kind of reference I'm talking about. I have mentored many folks throughout my tenure in business and have benefited as a mentee in general in life because of the willingness and generosity of others to share and impart knowledge. You are so right - it is very simple. Someone has knowledge they are willing to share and someone needs knowledge they are wlling to obtain. A teacher needs a student and a student needs a teacher. Well said in all of it. I was at a seminar yesterday where they said there were essentially two ways to learn - first was trial and error or learning from our own mistakes and the second was by gaining knowledge or learning from the mistakes and successes of others. I think appropriate to any discussion on mentoring. Looking forward to seeing more from you. Great perspective and insight.

[Shannon Cutts]

I agree! I always tell my mentees (and my mentors) that we always have something to teach, and we always have something to learn. When I started MentorCONNECT my vision was of one hand stretched out in front of me holding onto the hand of someone who was a little farther up the path. But at the same time one hand was stretched out behind me holding the hand of someone who needed my help to take their next step. It is very simple - yet in our increasingly complicated society the simplest and most profound connections often go overlooked. It is great to hear more of your story and I look forward to hearing more from you as well!

[DeePC]

Shannon, what an important article you've written. I have seen your web site: key-to-life.com and it truly contains the "key" to life for those in need. This article just reinforces the importance of people "connecting" to each other; isn't that what life is all about? None of us exist in a vacuum and none of us is capable of "going it alone." You site: MentorConnect.com is one that has been long overdue for those of us who suffer and don't know in which direction to turn. I know you are doing this as a labor of love with no financial remuneration and I applaud you for this. I know there will be many success stories that will result from what you have initiated. Oprah and Ellen and other people who enjoy the public eye should contact you both for your story and for what you are doing for others. Congratulations for a job well done?

[raycts]

Shannon, What an important part of our lives mentoring is and can be. We all need and share the benefits of mentoring in one way or another during this life. We can think of that special teacher, pastor, friend etc. or those we have been there for ourselves. I have been a Stephen Minister a number of years and see first hand the remarkable value of giving of one’s self by being there for someone and giving unconditional support as they walk through life’s special trials. The response is miraculous and not only helps the individual but also enriches the life of each caregiver beyond measure. You are truly making a difference in the lives of others in a direct and personal way and we applaud you for it.

[Shannon Cutts]

So often I hear that mentors receive more than they give. And when we see the gratitude our mentees have for our time and care that is hard to believe, yet I have found it is absolutely true. Becoming a mentor is like getting a double-helping of all that is special about the mentoring relationship...not only are we more grateful than ever before for what we have first received from our own mentor(s), but we are also so grateful that what helped us so much then continues to give to those we care about as well. Thanks for sharing your experiences - it is great to hear! :)

[Shannon Cutts]

Thank you for your kind words - there are many who work together with me to make MentorCONNECT possible, and help keep it growing and evolving. I always say that mentoring is a "team sport" - it takes a team and all who wish to participate as a mentor, mentee, or both, are welcome to be a part!

[Neal Tricarico]

What a great article Shannon. It comes at a time when I am being reminded how truly grateful I am for my mentor. I just started an new job and my mentor has been a tremendous support to me as I navigate my new role.

When you say "When the student is ready, the teacher appears," that is so true. Funny story, but I met my mentor in the bathroom (of all places) during a job interview some 5 years ago...He's been a tremendous guide throughout my career since then and we have become close friends.

When I ask him why he is so passionate about helping me so much, he replied "that some years back someone did this for me and you too, will do the same for someone else." That "someone else" has arrived and I find it tremendously fulfilling to work with him. I now know exactly what my mentor is talking about.

[Shannon Cutts]

Hi Neal - I can relate so well to what you share - I too began mentoring because someone first helped me. Today, with those I mentor, I always remind them of what is up ahead - first we receive, and then we give back. It is the infinite cycle of giving and receiving, and none of us can thrive without it. Thanks so much for sharing your story! :)

[SpeicalK]

All thriving relationships have syngery and trust...and anyone who has struggled with trauma, addiction, divorce,financial instability, self doubt, acne (hmmm being human) needs a mentor. Professional support is key (I am in the business) but we all need some one PERSONALLY to serve as a compass...not by dispensing advice or diagnosing, but by relating.
http://thespecialktreatment.wordpress.com/

[Shannon Cutts]

Very true - especially the acne part! :) Since I started MentorCONNECT, so many people I have known from other circles outside of my work with eating disorders have approached me to share their stories of being mentored or being a mentor, or both. Some even told me they hadn't realized what they were doing was 'mentoring' until now! That recognition of what is taking place is so important I think...we value it more when we realize what we have.

[MerrieWay]

Mentoring has been the backbone of helping at-risk kids. If interested in finding a way to be involved in mentoring. check out "Morph America" curriculum. Learn practical tools for mentoring. Check out www.livegreendream.com for additional information. Mentors have reported they gain more than give, it can be life changing for both the mentee and the mentor.