"Grey's Anatomy" fans: If you wanted to reach through your TVs and throttle Owen (Kevin McKidd) this week, you're not alone.
Owen's obstinate insistence that wife Cristina (Sandra Oh) will "change her mind" about wanting a baby is particularly disturbing at a time when the national debate includes a presidential candidate who is against birth control of any kind, and one of his supporters is espousing aspirin as a contraceptive. (Aspirin!) Is it really that hard to believe that not all women want babies? To the Owen Hunts and Rick Santorums of the world, let me say it again, as loudly and clearly as possible: Not all women want babies.
In Owen's case, it's particularly hard to believe he'd expect Cristina of all people to suddenly want a child. She's always been perfectly clear that a baby was never in her agenda. Has Owen met her? He just assumed, in the most condescending terms, that she didn't really mean it, that she'd "grow up," that her not wanting to have a baby was "selfish" and that his wishes to have a child were somehow more noble and important than her wishes not to have one. In what's still a very rare action for a TV character, Cristina had an abortion against Owen's wishes and he's not going to forgive her for it. Instead of forcing a woman who's never wanted a baby to have his child, Owen should find one of the thousands of women who want a baby as much as he does.
(In an interesting twist in the recent alternate timeline episode of "Grey's," Owen and Callie were married with three children. And he still wasn't happy.)
But the prevailing myth, as Owen keeps insisting, is that women don't know what they really want. That even when they say they don't want a baby, they secretly do. That's a disturbing argument that has been used against women for other issues over the years, and it's never pretty when it rears its head. Surely, the Owens of the world assume, a woman will change her mind once she becomes pregnant by mistake. And if not then, she'll just have to change her mind when she gives birth. Why would Owen think that? One reason: because TV and pop culture keep giving us characters like "Grey's" own Arizona (Jessica Capshaw), who are adamantly anti-kids until the plot requires them to dramatically flip-flop.
"Grey's Anatomy" creator Shonda Rhimes can go in a few directions with the embattled Owen and Cristina at this point: They can split up, Owen will give up his dream of having a child, or one of the show's strongest characters will be forced to cave in, the way Arizona did. Arizona told Callie (Sara Ramirez) over and over that she didn't want children, but when Callie got pregnant by Mark (Eric Dane), Arizona decided to stay with her, baby and all.
Viewers who identified with Arizona's convictions felt that Arizona had sold out. At first, Callie tried to guess what was at the root of Arizona's desire not to have children -- that it was because her brother had died young, or because she'd lost so many pediatric patients and couldn't take the pain of losing a child. Arizona was understandably furious that her lack of interest in motherhood was being regarded as a disease that must be diagnosed and treated. Like Owen, Callie just didn't get that not all women want children. It didn't matter that the father was gung-ho about being a daddy; Callie's chosen partner also had to board the baby train, so Arizona became a mommy, too.
One character who was allowed to walk away from motherhood? Lexie (Chyler Leigh), who left Mark twice, first when he wanted to raise his daughter's baby, and then when he decided to take an active role in raising his baby with Callie.
While Cristina is going through couples' counseling with Owen in the hopes of saving their marriage, on the same night on another Shonda Rhimes show, another female character -- Corinne (Anika Noni Rose), the long-lost bipolar sister of "Private Practice" doctor Sam (Taye Diggs) -- gets a scolding about how much she'd hurt him and their mother by disappearing for 10 years. And then Corinne delivered an empowered speech that Sam was the one who was being selfish and that he didn't get to tell her how to live her life.
That's great material for a guest star ... now if only Rhimes would put those words in Cristina's mouth and let her stand up for herself instead of trying to please a husband who wants something she can never give him. (Rhimes didn't write either episode, by the way: The "Grey's" episode was written by Austin Guzman, the "Private Practice" one by Steve Blackman and Craig Turk.)
Shonda, please don't sell out Cristina. Things are never going to work out with Owen. They've reached an impasse, and it's apparent to everyone what needs to happen. Neither of these characters can compromise about having a baby, and because of that, they'll never be happy together. Please just let them go their separate ways and let Owen finally see the truth: Women who don't want babies do exist. And, as he should have realized long ago, that includes the woman he married.
Whether you love or hate Christina's character, one must admit that she is very clear and consistent about her goals, and she's not shy about sharing her opinions. It is dishonest and insulting for Owen to pretend as though Christina's disinterest in children is nothing more than a childish phase.
I remind you Owen, who wanted to keep the baby with the woman he loves, only asking, “I’m not saying we do this, I’m just saying we think,” nevertheless lovingly held the hand of Cristina as she terminated the pregnancy. Greys’ writers are frequently inconsistent: Both O & C said things in epi that seemed OOC, as people can when hurt and frustrated. However, it’s fair for Owen to ask his life partner to leave the door open to revisit the child topic. Also fair if Cristina ends up not changing her mind AFTER consideration. C (my fav char) is not a fragile doll that shouldn’t be asked hard questions.
The author is upset w/Rhimes for showing too many women on her shows deciding to be mothers. So if Arizona (whose position was more clearly expressed and longstanding) had held her ground the author would be okay with Cristina changing her mind?
I reject the hijacking of this love story for political purposes that don’t match story. Attacking a character who has embraced marriage to a strong, complex, smart woman because he has the audacity to want equal consideration as a l life partner does injustice to all intelligent women.
Also, there was inconspicuous ad for Autism Speaks in the Valentine's episode. Autism Speaks is a huge disappointment for me. They spend a lot of money on what does not work. They ignore the voices of persons with Autism who believe that Autism does not need "curing." They sponsor Behaviorism, which does not work with children with Autism, and sometimes includes aversives, traumatizing children. They have worked toward getting the government to mandate types of treatment for Autism.
I remind you that Owen is the husband who, despite the fact that Cristina (my fav char) refused to seriously discuss keeping their baby, lovingly held her hand as she terminated the pregnancy b/c it was what she wanted & he loves her. Greys writing is frequently inconsistent: Both characters said OOC things, as people can when angry or frustrated. However, fair that Owen wants Cristina to leave the door open to revisit the child topic in future (he changed his mind, why out of question she could change hers?) Fair if she ends up not changing her mind AFTER consideration. The author is upset w/Rhimes for showing too many women deciding to be mothers. I agree having Arizona, whose position about never wanting kids was well written, very clear and long-standing, change her mind in the instant after the shooting was ridiculous.
I reject the hijacking of this complex love story for political purposes in a way that is so off base. Attacking a character who has embraced a marriage to a strong, complex, smart woman because he has audacity to want consideration as an equal life partner does injustice to all intelligent women.
Arizona & Callie were different: Callie gave Arizona an ultimatum and Arizona captiulated, doing a 180 on a long-standing desire the minute after the shooting. I was irritated but I don't reject the possibility that a grown woman can change her mind-more power to her. Why is it offensive to think that the complex Cristina (who's mysteriously become a Zola baby whisperer and godmother of two) could someday change her mind. As Owen explained to C, his own mind had changed about wanting kids. Why is Cristina the only one people demand hold an entrenched position, the only one people think can't handle giving a serious subject consideration.