As I look forward to co-leading this retreat, People Who Care for People: Tools for Resiliency at the Garrison Institute, I find myself reflecting on caregivers I know. Some practice caregiving professionally, as nurses, first responders, chaplains, non-profit attorneys; others in their personal lives, as parents, children, siblings, friends. As difficult and pressured as caring for others can be, as tiring and overwhelming as it often becomes, many express a very powerful happiness at being able to serve.
An important element in how we keep going is being able to touch that happiness, broadening our perspective beyond what we see just in front of us, reminding us of our deepest motivation and what we care about most. In a challenging environment, facing our own or others' suffering, we need to draw on inner resources.
Whether you care for a young child, an aging parent, a difficult-to-understand teenager, a client at work with no clear resolution to their problems in sight, any skillful relationship of caregiving relies on balance -- the balance between opening one's heart endlessly and accepting the limits of what one can do. The balance between compassion and equanimity. Compassion is the trembling or the quivering of the heart in response to suffering. Equanimity is a spacious stillness that can accept things as they are. The balance of compassion and equanimity allows us to profoundly care, and yet not get overwhelmed and unable to cope because of that caring.
I have been involved for several years in a program run by the Garrison Institute, bringing the tools of meditation and yoga to domestic violence shelter workers, and then to shelter supervisors and directors. These people are very much on the front lines of suffering, dealing daily with their clients' issues of betrayal, heartbreak, fear, anger, humiliation. They might be survivors of trauma themselves. They might receive very little institutional support. They inevitably rely on inner resiliency to sustain their work over the long term.
Our premise has been that fostering greater balance of heart and mind is a key to that resiliency, and that one valuable avenue to cultivating this balance is meditation practice. Meditation helps us see our own difficult mind states -- such as anger or fear or a sense of helplessness -- with compassion instead of self-judgment. It also provides a refuge during life's storms by helping us connect compassionately with others, no matter the circumstances.
Especially in times of uncertainty or pain, meditation broadens our perspective and deepens our courage. The spaciousness of mind and greater ease of heart that naturally arise through balanced awareness and compassion are fundamental components of a resilient spirit. They bring us an unusual kind of happiness, one not determined by the conditions we find ourselves in, not defined by the amount of "success" or "failure" we saw in our efforts today. Meditation helps us return, again and again, to this unique happiness.
Follow Sharon Salzberg on Twitter: www.twitter.com/sharonsalzberg
Sharon Salzberg: Beyond Sorrow: The Resilience of the Human Spirit
http://www.artofliving.org
I've heard of the Full Lotus position, the Half Lotus position, even the Quarter Lotus position.
The woman in the photo must be doing the Non Lotus position.
When I tried meditation the first time it was a lost cause but as I keep trying I'm able to "get it" at least for a few minutes (5-10 minutes). Hopefully I'll be able to get to a half hour someday. I certainly could use this stress reliever being in high stress job in the medical field.
Dustin Rudolph
www.PursueAHealthyYou.com
Another current Huff Post article addresses just that — how veterans and others suffering from PTSD, and their families, can benefit from meditation. There's an upcoming benefit where Clint Eastwood, Dr. Oz, Russell Simmons and others are getting together with David Lynch to raise money to provide effective meditation training to 10,000 veterans and families: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeanne-ball/clint-eastwood-russell-si_b_781840.html
I work as a home tutor in NYC. All of my students come from immigrant families who have many needs apart from the basic tutoring that I specifically provide.
Having boundaries here is difficult because I genuinely do CARE, but have difficulties determining when to decide that it is time to leave. I "feel" like if I take the time to ask a question, I will never leave. So I am currenty torn between my heart which tells me to get involved and to ask more questions about culturally sesntive topics that I encounter or to just leave-- when I simply leave, I preserve myself, but I also don't foster deeper connections.
I ask myself: How deep do I expect my connection to be with my students' families? What is a balanced relationship built on prefessionalism, trust and friendliness look like?
Two of my students are Afghan, here for the last 2.5 years after the Taliban's influnece bacame worse in that country. They come from the upper class. Anyway, I now see that the parents may be in need of therapy for their memories, trauma, but if I suggest it, I get more deeply involved and I have found that when I do this, I compromise the specific tutoring work that I do and I become distracted.
I am in the process of finding support for my work, I haven't found it yet.