09/23/2010 08:26 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The GOP's Pledge to America

The GOP's Pledge to America:

1. We pledge to serve the rich.

2. We pledge to blame the poor for being poor.

3. We pledge to defend the right of the Religious Right to destroy the separation of church and state.

4. We pledge to expand the world's addiction to oil and help big business destroy the health of our planet.

5. We pledge to destroy health care reform to ensure that big business continues to profit off the sick.

6. We pledge to cut funding for public institutions that do not serve the rich.

7. We pledge to tolerate homophobia, racism, and islamophobia.

8. We pledge to demonize smart people as un-American elitists (unless they are Republican) and to teach pseudoscience.

9. We pledge to define any opposition to our foreign policy ideas as treason.

10. We pledge to pretend to care about America when we really only care about ourselves. And if we fail to win, we pledge to force a sixty-vote supermajority on every bill, making America as ungovernable as possible.