06/19/2015 03:23 pm ET | Updated Jun 19, 2016

Divorce and Shame. Why?

Going through a divorce for the most part no longer carries the stigma it once did, but the toll it takes on you remains the same. My entire life I've only known what it's felt like to have the word "Divorce" attached to me. It was as normal as my last name. I never really understood all the stigmas, feelings and judgments that went along with it.

Did you enter your marriage thinking "If this gets too hard, I'll get a divorce?" Can you stand in front of your mirror and say... "I've done everything that I could to ensure the success of my marriage"? Then why feel Shame? Yes, your marriage didn't work. Yes, it really SUCKS but, feeling ashamed or holding on to the sense of failure will not change the past however, it will alter your future!

You have nothing to gain by holding on to feelings of shame or failure. These feelings are natural but can shape your life in a negative way if you allow them to. Making a success (if you will) of your divorce is now up to you. Reflecting on your marriage and divorce with the intentions of learning and growing is a huge, positive step toward having successful future relationships.

Divorce is not a life sentence of unhappiness or shame. It's a fraction of your life where you are unhappy, and may feel shame. Allowing yourself to feel everything is part of the healing process and is completely normal. Feel it, acknowledge it and then cut it loose!

No one knows what the future holds. Give yourself a chance to enter into your future with a clean slate and an open heart and mind.