No Sex Please, We're Single

If you have one chance to convince an undecided Independent or a Republican to vote Democratic this year, I'd like to suggest the following:

The Bush administration would like to spend your taxpayer dollars on convincing unmarried men and women not to have sex before age 30.

Yes, Abstinence Only--if it's good for the 'tweens, it's great for the twenty-somethings. The Department of Health and Human Services, which administers the 50 million dollar program, has issued new guidelines telling the states that they can get funding to teach abstinence to anybody up to age 29.

The party that covered up Mark Foley's stalking of teenagers, and the president who campaigned for a Pennsylvania Congressman who admitted an affair with a 29 year old woman, would like to ask all you singles out there to just say no to sex, at least until you're 30. (No telling whether there's an exemption for relationships with members of Congress).

I know, I know. Iraq. Katrina. Health care. Social Security. Minimum Wage. Habeas corpus. Torture. Privacy rights.

Any and all of them should be reason enough to kick these clowns out of Washington.

But let's face it, sex gets people's attention, and for a simple, breath-taking example of over-bearing, self-righteous, intrusive, government over-reach, you really can't do much better than funding abstinence only programs for unmarried adults. (At least, I hope you can't).

By the way, where do you hold the classes? The party room at Applebee's right before Happy Hour? Or maybe you recruit in the parking lot outside your local Speed Dating venue.

These are your tax dollars at work, people. Still undecided about who to vote for?

Shelley Lewis is author of Naked Republicans, A Full Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed.