It all starts innocently enough.
You become friends with the sexy co-worker and decide to carpool to work together. You become "friends" with an ex on Facebook and reminisce about the past. Pretty soon, you find yourself glowing every time you spend time with this person. They totally "get" you. You can talk about anything. You spend hours thinking about them and your heart races whenever you see a text from them. You feel more alive than you have in a long time.
There's just one small problem. You're married, or engaged, or you're in a committed relationship. You tell yourself it's ok because you're not really cheating, you're just chatting. You're not having sex, you're just friends. Right?
Not really. Okay, so you haven't had sex. At least not yet. But you are having emotional sex, and that can be even more intense, sensual and all-consuming than physical sex.
What is emotional sex?
Emotional sex is a friendship that escalates into something that feels the same as romantic love and can manifest itself in numerous ways -- physically, romantically, emotionally, lustfully, verbally, or virtually.
Friendship becomes emotional sex when the feel-good brain chemicals and hormones that are released when even thinking about that person take over. Any contact with the person becomes as potent as a drug addiction.
All those tingly feelings and the fantasies that perhaps a "perfect love" can really exist isn't destiny knocking -- they're caused by "love chemicals" in your brain. Biochemical research has shown that the effect of these love chemicals is twofold: they are released in response to your friend, and they bond you to him or her. This is especially true of women who produce higher levels of oxytocin -- the bonding hormone that enhances the feeling of having found your "soul mate" connection.
These addictive love chemicals feel so good that it's difficult for you to even imagine ending contact with your friend. Your connection feels genuine and even life-sustaining. Letting go of such intoxicating nourishment seems unimaginable.
Before you are tempted to do something risky -- like leave your stable, good relationship for your exciting emotional lover -- it's important to examine what's really going on.
Has Your Platonic Friendship Crossed the Line?
There's a huge difference between a platonic friendship and a friendship that has crossed the line into the emotional sex danger zone.
A platonic friendship doesn't have elements of sexual chemistry or attraction. You may love your friend, but you don't fantasize or daydream about him or her. Everything is out in the open. Your partner can join in at any time.
In contrast, emotional sex is much more secretive and it drains energy from your primary relationship. If you're having intimate talks and sharing things you should only be sharing with your primary partner, or you're sending late night 'just thinking of you' flirty texts, you're not having just an innocent friendship. If you find yourself having sexual or romantic fantasies about your friend, you've crossed the line into emotional sex. You may argue you're just Facebook friends, or you're just innocently flirting and it means nothing. But no matter how you may rationalize it, these are huge trumpet blaring warning signs that your friendship is crossing the line into emotional sex, and therefore cheating.
The 5 Warning Signs That You're Vulnerable to Cheating
Infidelity is as old as civilization. But in today's technology-driven world, meeting, staying connected, and getting intimate has never been easier or more dangerous. Thanks to smartphones and the Internet, your love "fix" is never far away.
In truth, most infidelity occurs not because it is planned, but because people find themselves in situations where their emotions completely overwhelm (and even surprise) them. While people trapped in troubled marriages are more vulnerable to infidelity, I've discovered that a surprising number of people in seemingly solid relationships also respond to the novelty of new love and end up getting swept away by an affair.
Having an affair is usually a symptom of an underlying problem in your life and in your relationship. Something is missing, and that missing element makes you vulnerable to temptation. You may turn to emotional intimacy with another to fill in the missing piece.
These are the five warning signs that your relationship is vulnerable to cheating:
Affairs don't have to be sexual to be destructive to your existing relationship. Emotional sex can be even more enthralling than physical sex, and it can cause the same havoc, mistrust and betrayal in a relationship as sexual infidelity, often leading to a break-up.
The first step to healing is completely disengaging from your emotional lover, then recognizing the weaknesses in your primary relationship and addressing them immediately. Only then can you bring stable footing to your relationship and start infusing it with the love, attention, appreciation, and affection you and your partner both deserve.
Second (and unrelated), men fear these connections almost as much as cheating. However, men do know that if a woman cheats it's a) to get even or b) because she's genuinely in love with another man. Men jump off bridges because of b). However, men, I think, fear a woman enjoying another man "platonically" because men know a woman is less likely to leave even if she's unhappy (economics often). That said, since women cheat less, men think emotional cheating almost the same as real sex.
The question is this: What can a platonic male friend give a woman that a platonic female friend can't as long as both connections are purely platonic? Nothing, which is why it's not entirely platonic between a man and a woman. Would the woman enjoy it as much if she knew for absolute certain that her male friend was not attracted to her type? Doubtful.
Thus, I'm a loner.
i would bet the ranch that untold MILLIONS and millions here have crossed that line.i once did before all the cell phone computer tech explosion.the 5 warning signs were all there.a sexy friend becomes a emotional sexy friend .the movie Little Children with goddesses Kate Winslet and Jennifer Connelly illustrate this article perfectly.you could just feel it in the movie.it was an indie film and it was great.i experienced exactly what Ms.Meyers is talking about.its very intoxicating and dangerous.
It felt good!
So, am I an emotional criminal?
#fanned